Home » Posts tagged 'empathy lessons'

Tag Archives: empathy lessons

Registration now open: Empathy Lessons Training Seminar (ELTS) Registration, Syllabus, Agreements

Empathy is oxygen for the soul. Short of breath? Maybe one needs expanded empathy. Get some empathy and expand yours in this seminar. A rigorous and critical empathy says: I know what you feel because I feel it, too, as a vicarious experience, not a merger. It is not as if parents, teachers, doctors, therapists, friends, and neighbors, needed an expert to tell them what empathy is. Ask any parent, teacher, behavioral health professional, and they practice empathy every day, even if they may not always be able to say it out loud. This seminar brings forth what you already know about empathy – what you have already learned since you could not survive without empathy – and expands it with abundant tips, techniques, and real-world transformation in exercising empathy as a power and practice. 

A detailed outline (syllabus) of the seminar, benefits you will obtain by participating, and agreements for participants follow inline. 

Here is how to register: click below (ELTS):

Empathy Lessons Training Seminar Syllabus Outline – this is the outline of the seminar

Empathy Lessons Training Seminar (ELTS)

Empathy is oxygen for the soul. Short of breath? Maybe one needs expanded empathy. Get some in this seminar: I know what you feel because I feel it, too, as a vicarious experience, not a merger. It is not as if parents, teachers, doctors, therapists, friends, and neighbors, needed an expert to tell them what empathy is. Ask any parent, teacher, behavioral health professional, and they practice empathy every day, even if they may work on how explicitly to bring forth what they know. This seminar brings forth what you already know about empathy – and expands it with abundant tips, techniques, and real-world transformation in exercising empathy as a power and practice. 

Schedule: Every Saturday for ten weeks Sept 12, 2026 thru Nov 21, 2026 at 11 am CDT – starts after Labor Day (USA) and ends before Thanksgiving (USA) via Zoom

Seminar Syllabus Outline:

Session One: The one-minute empathy training. 

Talking points:

  • Personal note: The beginning of my empathy training     
  • The multi-dimensional definition of empathy       
  • Empathic receptivity and vicarious experience                    
  • Empathic understanding—understanding of possibility     
  • Where there is “mind reading” there is “mind misreading”
  • The folk interpretation of empathy: Top-down empathy     
  • There is enough empathy to go around, even though it

does not seem that way on most days. Why is that?

Session Two: Empathy and brain science – this is your brain on empathy 

Talking points:

  • Mirror neurons – what are those?                                          
  • Stress and inflammation: Some is good, too much is not
  • Social stress enters the body through the immune system  
  • Connecting the dots: stress and inflammation                      
  • Connecting the dots: anti-inflammation and empathy         
  • Empathy as a “Miracle drug”
  • Empathy is a spa treatment for the soul

Session Three: Empathy breakdowns and introspection 

Talking points:

  • Emotional contagion is failed empathy                              
  • The analogy of optical illusions with empathy breakdowns     
  • Empathic receptivity breaks down as emotional contagion    
  • Empathic understanding breaks down as conformity
  • Empathic interpretation breaks down as projection               
  • Empathic response breaks down and gets “lost in translation”       
  • Introspection is the royal road to empathy; be introspective

Session Four: Resistance to empathy

Talking points:

  • Overcome resistance to empathy, and empathy expands
  • Train and develop empathy by overcoming the obstacles to empathy
  • “Listen from possibility” rather than listening from a “position X”:
  • Distinguish between what happened and what one made it mean
  • Empathy is a tuner or dial, not an “on-off” switch
  • Empathy is a method of data gathering about the other person:
  • Be generous with acknowledgement

Session Five: The Secret underground history of empathy

Talking points:

The distinction “empathy” was a part of sympathy, fellow feeling, vicarious feeling, communicability of affect in aesthetics and art history, and storytelling is discussed through different methods of inquiry. The session includes short selections from the philosophers, phenomenologists, and psychoanalysts 

  • David Hume, 
  • Immanuel Kant, 
  • Theodor Lipps, 
  • Sigmund Freud, 
  • Heinz Kohut, 
  • Husserl/Edith Stein, 
  • Max Scheler

Session Six: Empathy and story telling

Talking points:

And, yes, we are going to tell some stories.

  • The “Natural Empath”: Caught between nature and nurture   
  • The Good Samaritan meets the Natural Empath

Example of empathy from World Literature including

  • Toni Morrison
  • George Eliot (Marion Evans)
  • Thomas Mann
  • Albert Camus
  • Goethe                                                                                                                                   

Session Seven: Empathy and boundary setting

Talking points:

  • Get your power back through empathy
  • Establish and maintain firm boundaries between the self

and Other in relating empathically, but practice being inclusive:

  • Empathy deescalates anger and rage:
  • Empathy is the ultimate anti-bullying anti-dote – 
  • When (why) empathy doesn’t work with bullies, psychopaths, and the criminally insane – and what to do about it
  • Empathy is closely related to humor
  • Empathy lessons are everywhere

Session Eight: Review of the literature that empathy is good for one’s health and well being

Talking points:

  • Empathy is trainable – practice, you get better at it
  • The empathy exams
  • What counts as evidence that empathy works?                         
  • Evidence-based empathy
  • Jumping out of an airplane – be sure to wear a parachute         
  • Common factor, empathy, in social healing practices                 

Session Nine: Speaking truth to power – rhetorical empathy in politics

Talking points:

  • Truth versus politics
  • The first instance of fake news—ever                                
  • Empathic receptivity soothes anger and rage                        
  • Empathic understanding discloses political vision                
  • Empathic interpretation engages intractable problems        
  • Rhetorical empathy: Empathic responsiveness                     
  • Malcolm-X’s rhetorical empathy                                            
  • John Stuart Mill’s rhetorical empathy                                    
  • Governor Altgeld’s rhetorical empathy                                  
  • Ronald Regan’s rhetorical empathy                                       
  • Lincoln’s rhetorical empathy                                                 

Session Ten: Empathy is the new love – examining love through the lens of empathy

Talking points: So If empathy is the new love, what then was the old love?

  • Defining Our Terms: Love and Empathy                            
  • Empathy and love have characteristic breakdowns         
  • The unbearable lightness of empathy                                
  • Design defects of the male brain                                         
  • Women and men want the same things—but differ in priority           
  • The desire of desire                                                              
  • The Positive Aspects of Love as Empathic Relatedness    
  • From Death in Venice (a story) to Empathy in Venice
  • Love as a boundary issue: Empathy as a soothing balm

Top Benefits of the Empathy Lessons Training Seminar – these are the benefits –

The answer is empathy – so what’s the question? Stress pushes people down into survival. People stress other people, being difficult to deal with at home, on the job, in school, or at leisure with friends. In the Empathy Lessons Training Seminar (ELTS) the participants get an opportunity to engage directly the obstacles that stopping them from getting the empathy. Participants acquire the empathic responsiveness needed to experience satisfaction in relationships of all kinds, personal and professional. Participants overcome the obstacles to effective relationships and shift out of survival mode and into empathic responsiveness in which fulfillment and satisfaction occur that did not previously seem possible. 

The top benefits of the empathy lessons training seminar that the participant will receive include expanded empathy and – 

1. reduced conflict in one’s life and one’s organization, reducing dignity violations, shame, and related anger and rage

2. expanded power and freedom in the face of resistance, no agreement, or bullying

3. reduced time to results in personal and professional projects, expanding teamwork 

4. expanded listening one other individuals and to oneself

5. expanded results in personal relationships 

6. reduced compassion fatigue, burnout, professional cynicism or denial  

7. expanded cooperation in one’s personal and professional relations, increasing satisfaction with one’s individual and organizational goals

8. the ability to be with another person no matter how difficult an individual

9. the ability to distinguish what happened from what one made it mean

10. ability to like people and be with people regardless of background 

11. distinguishing empathy effectively from compassion, altruism, and charity (they are not the same!)

12. the ability to recognize and acknowledge the humanness in oneself and others even in extreme situations

13. the ability to set boundaries in relatedness and navigate boundaries with finesse and skill – for example, in dealing with bullies

14. the ability to shift your empathy from being an “on off” switch to being a rheostat that dials empathy up and down as a filter

15. expanded humor, creativity, appreciation of art, and wisdom – all closely related to empathy – relationships, teamwork, and leadership

Also note:

Participants will get the most value from attending all the sessions. However, for those with scheduling challenges, it is not required to attend every session because every session (except the first) contains a short upfront review of terms and what the participant needs to know to get value from the work.  

The Empathy Lessons Training Seminar [ELTS] may be delivered as a stand-alone ten session class for participants who register individually. Alternatively, the ELTS may be delivered as part of an empathy consulting engagement. The organization’s team members are separately interviewed, confidential feedback aggregated anonymously and presented to the leadership, and group work on problem solving, conflict resolutions, issue handling, proceeds in parallel with large group work and small group breakout sessions under the guidance of the organization’s leadership. 

The benefits of the ELTS are most available to participants who attend all the sessions. People may selectively attend one or more session and still obtain significant benefit. Naturally, attending more sessions will result in expanded benefits. Whatever you do you are going to get empathy, and, no surprises here, you get out of it what you put into it.

Empathy Lessons Training Seminar (ELTS) Agreements

The Empathy Training Seminar (ELTS) is delivered through Alleingang, Inc., an Illinois Chapter C corporation, Lou Agosta, PhD, President, responsible for providing diverse services in education, consulting, and publishing. The trainer is Lou Agosta. The participants are the individuals who sign up, pay the fee, agreement to these agreements (hereafter: Agreements) and attend the training.

The ELTS is a ten session, structured conversation designed to expand empathy in the participant and in the community. The ELTS occurs as a two-hour session for ten weeks for a total of some twenty hours. 

The ELTS training material distributed to the participants is copy-righted material and the conversations that occurs in the seminar are confidential and for the personal use of the participants. It may not be recorded, copied, taped or otherwise captured to electronic media. Any notes taken by the participants are only for the personal use of the participants and may not be published, sold, or otherwise redistributed under any circumstances. 

The ELTS is committed to creating an environment where people have the freedom to express themselves and participate without restrictions. Therefore, the ELTS requests that you keep the names and details of what people say in the ELTS confidential. Participants will be separately asked to sign a document in which the person agrees to keep the names and details of what people say in the ELTS confidential, and such signature is a requirement for participating in the ELTS.

Further detailed agreements and background are specified in the online agreement document. The person considering participating is asked to review all these additional agreements carefully, let the trainer (LouAgosta@gmail.com) of any questions or concerns, and agree to the agreements in completing the registration process. 

Consistent with good business practices and current law, Alleingang, Inc. does not tolerate sexual harassment or other forms of harassment in any of our training programs or events. If you have any questions about our policies regarding sexual or other forms of harassment, please contact Lou Agosta (773-203-0269).

The participant hereby agrees to:

  • To be on time for my sessions as scheduled
  • To discuss and say what is on my mind and what is going on in my life without editing or holding back – to just tell the truth 
  • Same idea as above – to be straight about what I am thinking and feeling – regardless of its significance or lack of significance to me or even if seems embarrassing or trivial
  • If I have an emergency (for example, serious illness, life event, two feet of snow), then I will communicate as soon as I know about it
  • If I have a complaint, concern, or issue with the empathy consultant or with the process of consulting, then I will come into my session and talk about it to resolve it
  • I understand that on occasion empathy consulting requires me to consider and discuss confronting and difficult personal matters, including but not limited to my own behavior, blind spots, and thoughts 
  • To pay the fee agreed upon for the ELTS with the 

understanding that it is nonrefundable

  • To pay the fee agreed upon for the ELTS with the understanding that it is nonrefundable, though in the event of an authentic emergency a reasonable effort will be made to include the participant in a similar (“substitute”) future session
  • To be responsible for my health and well-being at all times, in participating in this work

I acknowledge that our conversation and the ELTS are confidential and have received this written statement of confidentiality. Exceptions to confidentiality include [but are not limited to] if the trainer believes the participant is hurting or plans to hurt her- or himself or another person, for example, requiring summoning emergency [911] services. Then confidentiality would not apply.

By entering one’s name and date and related identifying data on the separately published ELTS form, the participant agrees to the Agreements

Here is how to register: click below (ELTS):

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is imageofloupointingatgrahamschooltalk.jpg

Image Credit: photo by Alex Zonis of Lou Agosta, PhD making a presentation on the Secret Underground History of Empathy on November 13, 2015 at a local Chicago adult education program.

(c) Lou Agosta, PhD and the Chicago Empathy Project

Empathy lesson: Take the other person as your empathy trainer

As an exercise, consider that the other person is one’s empathy trainer. The other individual calls forth one’s empathy. If the Other behaves in a challenging way, the challenge is to one’s empathy. If the other person is in an emotional meltdown, the challenge is to one’s empathic receptivity. If the other person is a conformist, the challenge is to one’s empathic understanding. 

Listen to this blog post as a podcast. (There may be minor differences in phrasing between the written and spoken versions as this is not a transcript.)

If the other person is accusatory, projecting hostility, or just hard to figure out, the challenge is to one’s empathic interpretation. If the other person’s self-expression is lost in translation, the challenge is to one’s empathic responsiveness. 

If the Other is a difficult individual, the challenge is to one’s empathic relatedness. This gives new meaning to the empathy exams. Think of the “secret shopper,” who tests the sales person’s customer service skills, even if the test is just to set boundaries. 

This business of taking the other person as one’s empathy trainer is an indirect reference to a wonderful essay (really a memoire-like story) by Leslie Jamison entitled, “The Empathy Exams,” by which this conversation is inspired, is about Jamison’s experiences working as a medical actor. [i] A medical actor is a person who is hired by a medical school to learn a script. The medical actor portrays a person who has a particular disease. Jamison’s narrative about her work as a medical actor is humorously (and movingly) interwoven with an illness of her own with which she is suddenly confronted. 

The medical actor’s script contains instructions: “Your first line is: ‘I’m having these seizures and no one knows why’.” The backstory in the script, which the actor must memorize, is that there is nothing physically wrong with the patient. She has a hysterical personality disorder. 

The medical student being examined is graded on how close he or she comes to “nailing” the diagnosis through diagnostic questioning. However, more to the point here, the exam is about whether the medical student’s manner of interacting with the patient is warm, cold, energetic, apathetic, authoritarian, indifferent—or empathic. 

The empathy exam is included as part of the feedback provided by the medical actor that goes to form the medical student’s grade. Examining someone—giving a person a test—on something implies that the result can be improved by, training, feedback and practice. One looks for areas for improvement—that is the point of education. 

The empathy exams that medical students take are a reality. But even before these real-world empathy exams, a celebrated science fiction novella included an empathy exam. A masterpiece ahead of its time, Philip K. Dick’s negative fantasy of the future Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep (1968) received widespread coverage when made into the movie Blade Runner (1982), starring the young Harrison Ford as the bounty hunter, anti-hero, Rick Deckard. [ii]

In Dick’s celebrated novella, six bioengineered replicants (robots), who are virtually indistinguishable from human beings, have escaped from their assigned location on Mars. They have returned to Earth in an attempt to find their designer, and, force him to postpone their auto-destruction coding. They do not want to be retired—that is, they do not want to have to die. What is the one difference between humans and replicants? The replicants lack empathy. 

In the context of the narrative, empathy is detectable by an empathy test, the “Voight-Kampff exam.” No such exam exists. This fictional exam uses a mechanism that is similar to a lie detector as it captures physiological data in response to empathy inspiring questions. For example: “You see a tortoise on its back in the hot sun with its legs flailing helplessly in the air. It cannot turn over without your help. How do you feel?” Or “A little boy shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you feel? What do you say?” 

If the individual being interviewed (suspected of being a replicant) produces particular responses—accelerating respiration, blush, heart rate, eye movement, galvanic skin response—then empathy is present. The interviewee is human, not replicant.

Now the narrative twist that elevates Dick’s story above the average science fiction yarn is that, as the story unfolds, the humans become less empathic and the replicants more so. The replicants make a contribution to the community, are altruistic and socially useful, whereas the bounty hunter, who is trying to “retire” them, behaves increasingly aggressively, selfishly, manipulatively, anti-socially, even psychopathically. His conscience and his empathy are in retreat. 

What is limiting about Dick’s otherwise visionary account of empathy is that the protagonist and other characters in the narrative believe that empathy is invariable. You either have it or you don’t. However, the development of the plot provides evidence that exactly the contrary is the case. Empathy expands in one case, contracts in another. 

Rick Deckard starts out as a human with nuanced emotions. But as he continues killing in his role as bounty hunter, he becomes less empathic, more and more hard-hearted. The replicants, who are attempting to flee from their fate, behave with expanded empathy—and humanity. 

The powerful irony is that the replicants end up being more human than the humans. In spite of what some people may believe, based on practices and actions, a person’s empathy expands—or shrinks. This is further evidence that empathy is trainable – one training tip and technique is to take the other person – regard the other person – as one’s empathy trainer.  

Now let us take a step back and continue to engage with the empathy lesson. This approach is generalizable. “In any encounter with another, consider the other person as one’s empathy trainer.” The newborn baby trains the parent in how to be empathic; the student trains the teacher; the patient, the doctor; the client, the consultant; the customer, the business person selling the product or service; the neighbor, the stranger; and the audience, the speaker. 

This may sound backward and paradoxical. However, by standing things on their head—the customer trains the business person in empathy, the student trains the teacher in empathy, the infant trains the parent in empathy and so on—we get a surprisingly refreshing view of how empathy makes a difference. The survivor is rescued by the Good Samaritan; but the Samaritan is humanized by—gets his humanity from—the survivor, even in addressing the survivor’s temporary loss of humanity as a suffering lump of battered flesh. The baby, the student, the patient, the customer, the neighbor, are the individuals who bring empathy into existence for the parent, the teacher, the business person, the neighbor, respectively. 

Note this give new meaning to the term “dialectical” as in Marsha Linehan’s innovative treatment of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). “Dialectical” refers to an apparent contradiction – the baby trains the parent, the customer trains the business person – which upon examination is actually a breakthrough in relatedness. 

Without the baby, there is no parent. Without the parent, there is no empathy with the baby. The baby calls forth the parent’s spontaneous and natural empathy. The baby creates a clearing for parenting to show up as empathic or non-empathic or something in-between. 

Without the customer, there is no business or business person. Without the business person, there is no empathy with the customer. The customer calls forth the business person’s natural and spontaneous empathy. The customer creates a clearing for the encounter with the business to show up as empathic or non-empathic or something in between.

Without the patient, there is no medical practice or medical doctoring. Without the MD, there is not empathy with the patient. The patient calls forth the MD’s natural and spontaneous empathy. The patient creates the clearing for the encounter with the doctor to show up as empathic or non-empathic or something in-between. Likewise, with the teacher and student, client and consultant, and neighors in the community. 

However, surely the baby does not give a lecture with a Power Point. The baby needs to be on the receiving end of empathy before she or he can develop an ability to be empathic in an intentional way towards anyone else. 

Though the empathic sensitivity of children should not be under-estimated, this is an important consideration. We must be recipients of our parents’ and care-takers’ empathy before we are able to turn around and provide empathy to Others, even as we practice empathy in immature, emerging, and developing ways as we grow up.

Yet even without being self-aware, the baby provides an opportunity and possibility for the parents’ empathy lessons. The baby provides a clearing for empathy lessons for the parents even without meaning to do so. The baby creates the possibility of empathic parenting by the baby’s readiness to become human, which at first shows up as a distinct lack of socialization. The baby cannot feed itself and empties its processed waste into its diapers. 

The parent socializes the baby; the baby humanizes the parent, calling the parent not just to its role as parent (though it does that too), but also to its possibility as a human being in a committed relationship to another emerging human (the baby) through trial and error. The baby, by its very existence, gives the parent his humanness, making the parent into an inquirer into what it is to grow up, developing from an immature baby into an adult human.[iii]

Likewise, with the business customer: The customer does not tell the business owner, “I have a need but can’t explain it to you.” Instead, the customer just keeps shopping around. The customer does not tell the business person, “I have a complaint about the service, and I want you to listen to it and make amends.” Instead, the customer just takes his business to the competition. 

In each case, the empathy lesson is a challenge to the would-be parent, teacher, sales person, consultant, therapist, nurse, attorney, taxi driver, neighbor, and so on, to expand one’s receptivity, enhance one’s grasp of the possibilities, appreciative different points of view, and practice rapid empathic response. 

If each of these persons—parent, teacher, business person, neighbor, and so on—begin in any other way than with empathy, they are headed for trouble. The challenge is straightforward: expand one’s listening to include the other individual in the empathic community or fall back into empathic distress; relate from possibility or get mired in stuckness; work on building community or wander aimlessly in the emotional wilderness.

David Axelrod interviews Senator TOm Cotton on June 2, 2017 at a University of Chicago debate


Episode art photo credit: David Axelrod interviews (confronts, debates, talks to) Senator Tom Cotton June 2, 2017 in a photo taken by Lou Agosta at the University of Chicago public debate. As one of the architects of Barack Obama’s presidential program, Ax (as he is affectionately known) would be likely to disagree with many of Senator Cotton’s more-or-less MAGA-oriented views. Take the other person as your empathy trainer! I believe both did! 

(c) Lou Agosta, PhD and the Chicago Empathy Project


 

Notes

[i] Leslie Jamison. (2014). The empathy exams in The Empathy Exams: Essays. Minneapolis: Graywolf Press: 1–27. 

[ii] Philip K. Dick. (1968). Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? New York: Ballentine Books, 1981. 

[iii] Lou Agosta. (2010). Empathy in the Context of Philosophy. London: Palgrave: 60–61.

(c) Lou Agosta, PhD and the Chicago Empathy Project


Empathy SELLS – but empathy’s limitations sell even better

As a popular trend, empathy peaked in 2009 with the publication of the late Franz de Waal’s now classic The Age of Empathy.  De Waal goes on to profile “Our kinder, gentler [Bonobo ape] ancestors” on Oct 3, 2009 in the middle column of the then largely still hardcopy Wall Street Journal,” casting doubt on the “killer instincts” of our early humanoid ancestors. De Waal’s essay champions the position that this aggressive and over-sexed species, human beings (homosapiens), is capable of empathy, compassion, altruism, gratitude, generosity, and such “pro social” attitudes. Fast forward a decade and a half. 

Listen to this podcast on Spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5H74frDb1M8df58c9IjddG?si=Mp1D99JoTxyfCsQYm1ItkQ

Empathy still sells and is honored and advocated as a powerful intervention to deescalate aggression and conflict. A rigorous and critical empathy still champions the many successful applications of tough love, red teaming, hard empathy, and limit setting while acknowledging the limitations and the ways that empathy can break down, including phenomena such as emotional contagion, projection, conformity, messages getting lost in translations, in the trials and errors of being empathic. A rigorous and critical empathy is committed to doing the hard work of overcoming these break downs and misfirings in order to relate authentically and in integrity to the other individuals and the community.

But if empathy still sells, its limitations sell even better. The latest trend is to denounce empathy as a weakness and a danger to western civilization. Gad Saad’s Suicidal Empathy (2025) goes further than the initial wave of anti-empathy advocates such as Paul Bloom (2016), Fritz Breithaupt (2017), Glenda Carpio (2023), and Namwali Serpall (2019). With Saad, the recommendation is not that one should apply rational compassion rather than empathy (Bloom) or deploy “enlarged thinking” (Carpio “channeling” Hannah Arendt) instead of empathy or that empathy is a kind of “slave morality” masquerading as kindness (Breithaupt). Rather “empathy” should be added to the list of “pro social” characteristics such as altruism, compassion, charity, generosity, gratitude, helping those in need, being kind to animals, turning the other cheek, and so on (even though empathy is not an emotion as such but a form of emotional communication among other things). Throw them all under the bus. Being kind makes you and your community a sucker, and as P.T. Barnum, the founder of the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus, famously noted, “There is a sucker born every minute.” 

The anti-empathic advocates offer a thought experiment: If you are in an overcrowded life boat after your ship sank, then taking on further survivors may cause the boat to sink, and everyone will perish. Don’t be an empathic sucker; push the competition under. If you do not do so, you are at risk of (drum roll): suicidal empathy

What is overlooked is that this “thought experiment” is a set-up and is a double bind. Given the rock and the hard place, the devil and the deep blue sea, the damned if you do and damned if you don’t, it is the reason the ancient Greeks invented tragic theatre. Life often presents people with unfair choices. Life presents choices that no one should have to make, that no one can make, though doing nothing is also a choice. The thought-experiment starts by taking away one’s agency. You are in a life boat, and it is because your ship sank. You do not need expanded empathy; you need rescue. “Women and children” first” is the rule in any abandon ship scenario. In an extreme situation, this sounds like the captain and crew providing the empathic leadership required of them. That is the empathic moment, not “shoot the survivors.” The “take down” of Saad’s Suicidal Empathy requires an article of its own. One is available, though it is not a book review as such (though one is in preparation) see: “Suicidal empathy is in the news. . .” by Lou Agosta: https://louagosta.com/2026/05/22/suicidal-empathy-is-in-the-news-what-you-need-to-know-to-debunk-the-anti-empathy-skeptics/ ) Finally, for a detailed discussion and critique of the anti-empathy cohort prior to Saad see the prepublication version of Chapter 3: Empathy and its discontents from Lou Agosta, (2025), Radical Empathy in the Context of Literature(click here to download). Selected sections of the following are based on this chapter.  

The very idea that our civilization at risk due to an excess of empathy is so laughably absurd and “out there” as to give pause that the advocate of the idea may perhaps be delusional. This is the same civilization (“the West”) that brought us two world wars, the Armenian Genocide, Auschwitz, Hiroshima (“seemed like a good idea at the time”), the war on terror (“seemed like a good idea at the time”), “forever” wars in the middle east, Chernobyl, the internment and annihilation of ethnic and racial groups too numerous to list here, and this civilization is suffering from an excess of empathy? Granted that the vast majority of people are empathic people devoted to family, career, community and country, Saad and his fellow travelers are sensationalizing empathy’s acknowledged limitations by throwing a rotten tomato at it. One can always make a splash by throwing a rotten tomato. If Saad had said, empathy doesn’t work with psychopaths, antisocial personality disorder, bullies, corrupt politicians, and the criminally insane, then it would be easy to agree with the position. With such individuals and groups, one must set firm boundaries, define forceful limits, call for backup, and speak truth to power. 

Unfortunately, once a “policeman” is kneeling on your neck or someone throws a bomb, it is too late for empathy. The perpetrator fails the readiness assessment for empathy and it is necessary to invoke self-defense. And remember the best defense is a good offense—provided that it is proportionate to the incoming violence (which is notoriously hard to determine). Self-defense, setting limits, establishing boundaries are what is needed. 

Furthermore, Empathy 101 teaches that empathy does not work on an active battlefield, or if one is starving to death, or hanging upside down in a torture chamber. Never underestimate the power of empathy—never—but empathy in such extreme situations ends up looking like what the FBI Hostage Negotiating team uses to open communication with the hostage takers, or looking like “Red Team, Red Team!”—think like the opponent in a war game (on Red Teaming see Zenko 2015). What then is the source of resistance to empathy?

Taking the debate up a level from any particular author’s book, let us consider the causes of resistance to empathy. First, the listener or would-be empathic person does not want to make him- or herself vulnerable to the upset, emotional disequilibrium, or trauma of the struggling individual who is narrating sharing his or her struggle. 

Note that all the things said here about resistance to empathy can also be said about compassion, altruism, kindness, generosity, gratitude, and the related set of pro-social attitudes. If the empathic person risks “empathic distress,” the compassionate person risks “compassion fatigue.” All the helping professions and first responders are at risk of a kind of “burn out,” affective depletion, or using up of one’s emotional resources. That means that professional self-care is an essential part of the commitment to service and that those playing the Long Game of expanding empathy in the community have in place practices to renew their emotional resources. 

Resistance to empathy on the part of the listener is resistance to being affectively flooded, overwhelmed or otherwise put at the effect of excessive stimulation of a negative or even positive kind, which in excess can be painful. For example, who would want to empathize with a person such as Geheimrat Daniel Paul Schreber at the height of his psychotic breakdown?[1] No one. However, in order to make a difference in helping Schreber it would be useful to get a taste of his distress, a sample of his fear, a vicarious experience of what he experienced as if in the theatre or film. So, if one is overwhelmed by emotional contagion, whether by empathic distress or compassion fatigue, then one is doing it wrong. One needs to take a sample of the other person’s distress, not the full-blown trauma itself. In empathizing, one needs to “tune up” one’s vicarious experience of the other and “tune down” one’s merger with them. This takes practice and even trial and error. Nevertheless, this is a real issue. 

Given the level of empathy training, rare is the person who has enough control over their empathy regulation to tune it up or tune it down based on a continuum of disturbances varying from the mildly, everyday neurotic to the deeply psychotic. Note, however, that the antidote is expanded empathy. This bears repeating. If empathy is limited or parochial, then the solution is not to discard empathy to expand it, thus expanding inclusiveness and community.

Resistance to empathy also comes from the person who is the would-be recipient of empathy, compassion, etc. Pain and suffering can become a bad habit. The struggling individual is attached to their pain and suffering and these have become a kind of “comfort zone.”  So letting go of the pain and suffering is itself more painful than the present pain. Letting go of the pain and suffering is filled with more pain and suffering than the person is willing to confront. As Marsha Linehan, the innovator in dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), famously noted, the way out of hell is through misery. Overcoming the bad habits, blind spots, and maladaptive behaviors that are the causes of a person’s suffering requires struggle and effort that is itself a kind of misery. Who wants to hear that? No one. Better to stay in one’s comfort zone of discomfort. Furthermore, overcoming one’s limitations and getting the empathy, dignity, respect, and recognition for which one is so hungry risks an encounter with the Unknown – new possibilities which have not been previously available both for success and failure – and the unknown is the most anxiety inspiring thing possible. Hence, further resistance to empathy. 

Finally resistance to empathy comes from institutional inertia, namely, the faceless unempathic bureaucracy that seems to live in every call center, customer service desk, government function, or need for trouble shooting with a new appliance, computer interface, or product return. Any business person knows that customer service requires empathy. This is one place where “empathy sells, and empathy’s limitations sell even better” is completely and patently false. Lack of empathy sends the customer to the competition (and the customer will not even tell you about it – you will just be out of business!). 

If Gad Saad is complaining about the fake empathy at many customer service desks and call centers and sales pitches (in general), then we are in agreement. Unfortunately, he is not – he seems really to be anti-kindness and anti-empathy along the lines of “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” – even amidst a growing body count. In addition, one should not overlook that all-purpose tip and technique of “fake it till you make it.” Working from the outside inward – from practicing empathic behavior even if one’s feeling lag behind – is a proven method of “boot strapping” oneself into new skills and positive habits. 

Regarding “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” that notorious “bad boy” Friedrich Nietzsche called such qualities as altruism, compassion, charity, and pro social attitudes aspects of “slave morality,” tips and techniques that those out of power can use to get power. Note that Nietzsche never mentioned the word “empathy,” but engaged with related phenomena such as altruism, charity, and so on. What is so wrong with the disempowered trying to expand their power? Since the ruling class are not volunteering to give up power, how else would anyone get power than by strategizing and struggling? What is wrong with the poor, the disadvantaged, the marginalized, the survivors of domestic violence, refugees from conflict zones and natural disasters, the early Christians with whom the Romans literally fed the lions (this list is not complete) getting back some of their power? Was the USA – and the sitcom theme song “Movin’ on Up” – not premised on struggling African Americans, immigrants, and the marginalized getting a “piece of the pie”? 

I cut to the chase. The criticism of empathy as “suicidal empathy” is a new form of Social Darwinism. What the heck is Social Darwinism? The short version of Social Darwinism is the wolves saying the sheep should have more understanding for the wolves. “We wolves are very hungry. Have empathy for us and come here and let us bite your neck.” It is the masters in the manor house saying the slaves in the dirt-floored cabins out back should be more sympathetic towards the masters. “The burdens of leadership are hard, and riding shot gun over a chain gang of enslaved workers in the hot Mississippi sun is not easy.” The admittedly simplistic account of Neo-Social-Darwinism in the context of survival of the fittest is: if you get “extinguished,” then you deserved it. Well, not exactly. It means in a high stakes game of random variations and natural selection, you drew the short straw. If you were born in poverty, in a conflict zone, in a land rendered uninhabitable by rising waters, forest fires, or climate change, you did nothing to deserve your pain and suffering. This is the classic dilemma of bad things happening to innocent people, which all world religions and most philosophical systems attempt to address in different ways. Empathy alone is not going to fix the problem of evil and suffering, but, I maintain, empathy is called forth by these and is an important part of the solution. 

Further background on what we might formally label as Neo-Social-Darwinism: In the Gilded Age of the robber barons of capitalism, when Rockefeller’s Standard Oil company forced small competitors out of existence using monopolistic, anti-competitive, and corrupt business practices, Standard Oil justified the action by saying “survival of the fittest.” That is Neo-Social-Darwinism. For example, when in 1894 railroad workers went on strike in Chicago for better wages, health insurance, an eight-hour day, and working conditions (sounds familiar?), US President Grover Cleveland called out 15,000 US Army (federal troops) on July 3, 1894 to break the strike under the pretext that it was preventing delivery of the US mail. 

Here is another example of abuse of power to further undemocratic ends: On April 20, 1914, the Colorado National Guard and guards of the Rockefeller-owned Colorado Fuel and Iron Company (CF&I), surrounded and attacked a tent colony of 1,200 striking miners, ultimately killing over 20 men, women, and children by randomly firing machine guns into the camp before burning it all down. The massacre caused a national outcry, violent sympathy strikes (the “Ten Days War”), and congressional hearings that disgraced the Rockefeller family’s public image. The miner’s families, however, were still dead. (See “The Ludlow Massacre”: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ludlow_Massacre.)

Not to minimize the abuses of power and rampant corruption in the current executive branch and Washington, DC, at large (Q3 2026), this is business as usual. Stephen Miller and Russell Voight, key policy architects and advisors to the current executive administration, seem to be studying the Grover Cleveland new gilded age play book and applying it to aspiring immigrants, diversity and inclusion, education, health care, and revisionist history that slaves were not so badly off. And if you believe that, I want to sell you the Brooklyn Bridge.  

Full disclosure: I mistakenly subscribed to the view that no such thing as bad publicity existed, and I declined in 2018 (and up until 2023) to mention the anti-empathy authors by name, instead referring to an “evolutionary psychologist,” a “celebrity psycholinguist,” a prominent “Germanic studies” teacher, or a mandarin professor of comparative literature. Why give “free publicity” to views that were seemingly committed to inhibiting, contracting, devaluing, rather than expressing, expanding, and implementing the practice of empathy? 

The gambit did not work. The devaluing of empathy got traction, perhaps driven by publishers whose market research, whether accurate or not, suggested that the sales of empathy books had peaked, and who proposed to keep the pot boiling with works that throw empathy “under the bus.” The challenge is that it is getting crowded under the bus. One can always make a splash by throwing a rotten tomato, and the would-be critique of empathy uncharitably takes the weakest version of empathy and refutes it. In contrast, a rigorous and critical empathy engages in a process of continuous improvement of empathy by “cleaning up” the empathic breakdowns of emotional contagion, projection, conformity, and communications lost in translation, resulting in the expansion of empathy in the individual and the community.

Yet another reason that the practice of empathy sells but empathy’s limitations sell even better is a consequence of empathy’s own success. Empathy works. Empathy makes a profound and lasting difference to those who are treated with empathy. But in the age of TikTok does empathy work fast enough? Empathy and its many successes are themselves the occasions for the skepticism, resistance, and embracing the obstacles to empathy. A rigorous and critical empathy can be hard work; being empathic can leave one vulnerable; better to take the easy way out. The reader may say, I want instant empathy, like instant coffee, just add hot water and stir. Wouldn’t it be nice? Nor is anyone saying such a thing as “instant empathy” is impossible. It may work well enough in a pinch; but like instant coffee, the quality may not be on a par with that required by a more demanding or discriminating appreciation and taste – or a more challenging situation. 

The pervasive cynicism and resignation of the world are naturally attracted to attacking the sources of inspiration and strength, not those of enervation and stagnation. A treatise on “The Dark Sides of Violence” will sadly remain timely and relevant, but no one disputes the accuracy of the description. One does not need a treatise “Against Eating Dirt,” because few are inclined to eat dirt (and if one is so inclined, it seems be a sign of a vitamin deficiency).

This brings us to the poster child for devaluing empathy, Fritz Breithaupt’s The Dark Sides of Empathy (2017) (hereafter referred to as “Dark Empathy”). Breithaupt asserts on page 8 that to “uncritically embrace empathy without caveats” is the goal debunked by the end of this [Breithaupt’s] book. Those who “uncritically embrace empathy” are debunked. Just so. Please stop right there. Who proposed uncritically embracing empathy—or anything? Uncritically embracing empathy is not proposed here. Attributing uncritical thinking to the masters of empathy such as C. Daniel Batson (2009), Simon Baron-Cohen (2014), Frans de Waal (2009), Jean Decety and William Ickes (2009), Susan Lanzoni (2018), Micah Zenko (2015) (this list is not complete), is itself a concerning sign of lack of critical thinking. Dark Empathy is at best naïve and at worse disingenuous in imaging practitioners of empathy are uncritical or lack rigor. “Uncritically embracing empathy” sets up a strawman, and gives a green light to uncritical thinking. 

The program of Dark Empathy is systematically and sensationally to attribute examples of empathic distress to the practice of empathy itself, charge empathy with these misfirings, and, going forward, invalidate and dismiss the practice of empathy. Instead of engaging with the hard work of self-inquiry into one’s own blind spots to overcome the obstacles and resistances to empathy, Dark Empathy takes the easy way out, discards empathy, gives up on it. It is like giving up on nutrition because the cook may put too much salt in the soup or burned the roast.

Dark Empathy properly lists many of empathy’s breakdowns, misfirings, and obstacles (as do practitioners of a rigorous and critical empathy). These include things such as emotional contagion, projection, conformity, messages getting lost in translations in attempting to be empathic. A rigorous and critical empathy is committed to doing the hard work of overcoming these break downs and misfirings in order to relate authentically and in integrity to the other individual. In contrast, Dark Empathy’s commitment seems to be to sensationalizing the failings of empathy, not demonstrating how empathy works (and does not work) in literature, politics, psychology, etc. Or rather the commitment is that empathy does not work (full stop).

If Dark Empathy would have stopped at page 8—empathy is what makes us human (or words to that effect) and elaborated on that position—then it would have made a useful contribution. The author really says it: empathy is essential to our humanity. However, empathy then breaks down into empathic distress. The issue is that human beings are frequently inhumane—not just a few bad apples, but as the Holocaust and Hannah Arendt taught us about the banality of evil, and the famous quote from the Nazi leader Heinrich Himmler, everyone has the potential for real badness, evil, even if few act on it. Therefore, dial back empathy, abstain from empathy? (See Hannah Arendt. (1971). Eichmann in Jerusalem. New York: Viking Press: 105–106; see also Lou Agosta. (2010). Empathy in the Context of Philosophy. London: Palgrave Macmillan: 73; this is the quotation from the Nazi Chief of the SS (Schutzstaffel) Heinrich Himmler and director of many of the genocidal programs against the Jewish people (and others) where he exhorts his men, seeming to demonstrate a kind of mutilated empathic understanding of how difficult it is to kill people and encouraging the executioners not to make any exceptions – and to kill them all. This is the paradigm case for a kind of “fiendish empathy” (as Heinz Kohut, MD, called it), and it might be redescribed as the breakdown of empathy in the presence of moral insanity and lack of integrity.) 

Dark Empathy asserts sensible things about empathy up front, and then sensationalizes the negative and the resulting empathic distress by saying that empathic human beings perpetrate horrid actions. Accurate enough. Human beings are a difficult species. They are an empathic, caring, compassionate, and kind species as well as an aggressive, territorial, and rapacious one. Wouldn’t we want to work on expanding the former and inhibiting the latter? 

That Roman soldiers drove nails through the limbs of the people they were crucifying does not invalidate the art of carpentry. Dark Empathy makes it sound like it does as it seemingly intentionally applies the same argument to empathy. Dark Empathy perpetrates a series of fallacies of numbing grossness by saying the forms of empathy are the motives for the horrid actions. This is not accurate. Aren’t the hidden variables aggression, uninhibited desire, territoriality (this list is not complete)?

The Dark Sides of Empathy succeeds in being provocative, even sensationalistic, identifying ways in which empathy can (and does) breakdown, misfire, and go astray. Yet The Dark Sides of Empathy is argumentatively uncharitable (in Donald Davidson’s sense): it uses the weakest versions of the empathy advocate’s arguments, not the strongest. On background, the analytic philosopher of language Donald Davidson innovated in defining a “a principle of charity”. 

The principle of (argumentative) charity goes beyond honest translation or statement of an argument, as noted, asking the thinker to engage with the strongest version of an argument rather than intentionally weaking it through setting up a strawman or a distorted, ambiguous representation of the argument. (On “argumentative charity see: Donald Davidson. (1973). Radical interpretation. In Inquiries into Truth and Interpretation. Oxford: The Clarendon Press, 2001: 125–139 (the principle of argumentative charity is discussed on 136–137); I am adding the word “argumentative” to distinguish clearly Davidson’s logical meaning from “altruistic charity,” which a form of compassion; see also Jonathan Haber. (2020). Critical Thinking. Cambridge, MA: The MIT Press: 74.)

As noted, one can always make a splash by throwing a rotten tomato, and that is what The Dark Sides of Empathy does. The only concern is that my criticisms will sound like there is no such thing as bad publicity or sound like buying the book is worth it. It is not. I have read it very carefully, cover-to-cover, dear reader, so you do not have to. What a chore! Dark Empathy name drops Hölderlin, Goethe, Flaubert, Fontane, Hawthorne ((p. 172) one page only!), before turning to an in-depth engagement with the execution of the domestic (US) terrorist, Timothy McVeigh, the Oklahoma City bomber, which says as much about the dark side of the author as about any aspect of empathy. (Note: Timothy McVeigh (1968–2001): Executed by Federal authorities on June 11, 2001 for the bombing of the Alfred P Murrah Federal Building in April 1995 in which 168 people, including 19 children, were killed and 680 injured.)

One fundamental fallacy is to confuse empathic distress with empathy itself. That empathy can misfire and fail does not mean one should abstain from empathy. It means to expand one’s empathy one may usefully practice and develop one’s empathic capabilities. With practice and effort, one’s empathic abilities are broadened and deepened. The celebrated Self Psychologist and empathy innovator Heinz Kohut, MD, (who is not mentioned in Breithaupt) gives the example of the Nazis who equipped their dive bombers with sirens, the better to impart empathic distress in their victims, thus demonstrating their (the Nazis’) subtle “empathic” appreciation of their victims’ feelings. One is tempted to say, “The devil may quote scripture.” The devil frequently does, and Nazis and their fellow travelers may try to apply some subset of a description of “empathy.” 

Note that Kohut speaks of “fiendish empathy” and the use of empathy for a “hostile purpose” while emphasizing his (Kohut’s) value neutral definition of empathy as “vicarious introspection” and a method of data gathering about the other person (1981: 529, 580).Nevertheless, the point is well taken that empathy is a powerful phenomenon in all its dimensions and requires careful handling.

The Nazi applies a kind of entry level emotional contagion or affective transmission of feelings, but the process breaks down at the point of empathic responsiveness. Empathic responsiveness requires a core of acknowledgement and recognition of the other person’s humanity. 

Thus, it is arguably plainly evident that the would-be “empathy” of the Nazis or the white supremacists such as Timothy McVeigh[1] misfires and does so completely. The would-be empathy gets itself entangle in a practical contradiction. It is a contradiction to relate humanely to another person being while dehumanizing the person. Empathy doesn’t work that way. Empathic responsiveness simply does not admit of bombing people or disqualifying them as “less than” or other than human when they plainly are human. 

The risk of Dark Empathy to the reader is that the reader may think its author is an expert in empathy and start quoting the distortions, lack of rigor, critical faux pas, and simple inaccuracies as if they shed light on empathy. For example, in a case of shocking inaccuracy, the book sites Stockholm Syndrome as an example of the dark side of empathy (p. 37). The mechanism of Stockholm Syndrome is not empathy, but “identification with the aggressor [key term].” Because the hostages identified with the aggressor (the bank robber and hostage taker) in order to survive a five-day traumatic kidnapping means that people do what they have to do to survive. 

It is not an example of empathy, but of Dark Empathy’s lack of psychological acumen – and of empathy. As noted above, identification with the authority figure is crucial in forming the human moral conscience during childhood; and this same mechanism of identification “goes off the rails,” misfunctions or rather functions in a pathological or at least problematic way, in the case of a kidnapping, in which, in order to survive, the victim actually builds a relationship with the perpetrator – does not pretend to do so, actually builds the relationship. 

Breithaupt’s interpretation depends on overlooking the basic definition of empathy that empathy requires a firm boundary between the self and the other. Remember the pessimistic philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer? His treatment of compassion and selflessness and/or merger, against which Nietzsche’s occasionally raged, are break downs of empathy. Never was it truer that “Good fences make good neighbors” (a fence, not a wall!), and there is a gate in the fence over which is the welcoming word “Empathy!”

A forced choice between more compassion and expanded empathy

In comparison with the long, hard slog through Dark Empathy, Paul Bloom’s Against Empathy is relatively easy to comprehend and situate. The case against empathy is that it is parochial, biased and limited based on preferences for “in group” individuals and associations such as family, neighborhood, and superficial similarities such as ethnic background, race, or local custom. Bloom’s recommendation is to pursue rational compassion. Bloom actually makes it sound like one has to choose between rational compassion and empathy. Given the state of the world, doesn’t the world need both more compassion and expanded empathy? The forced choice between the two must be declined. 

Furthermore, the answer on the part of empathy advocates to the criticism of the “bias and limitation” of parochialism is direct: if empathy is sometimes parochial, the solution is not to abstain from empathy but to expand it. The empathic imperative is precisely: Be inclusive! Welcome the outsiders, the Others. Expanded empathy is what is required to broaden the scope and limits of the community to build harmonious and cooperative relationships that work for everyone. That building such a community is a high bar, takes nothing away from empathy. Given the complexity of the challenge, one would think that deploying various methods to make progress is proper. 

As noted, Bloom’s choice between rational compassion and, as the title says, against empathy seems forced. Given the challenges at hand, don’t we need both empathy and compassion (of all kinds) to deal with this difficult species, human beings? Though I might be mistaken, I am not aware of any advocate of a rigorous and critical empathy who recommends abstaining from compassion. Why should advocates of rational compassion abstain from empathy? 

Given that Against Empathy operates with the distinctions rationality and critical thinking (the latter implicitly), it has much to offer – just not much to offer against empathy. Its discussions of compassion fatigue, self-control, delayed gratification, caring and mirroring, the basis of morality, violence and cruelty, thinking about the consequences of one’s speech and actions, are all relevant to the dynamics between empathy and rational compassion. 

Many of these distinctions such as self-control, delayed gratification, thinking about the consequences of one speech and actions, are features of adult behavior and speaking. Now it is a concerning fact that many adults are going about their business behaving in immature ways like adolescents who do not think about the consequences of their behavior and speaking. This says a lot about the breakdown of civility, education, and politics in our world, and, once again, the antidote is expanded rationality, compassion, and empathy. 

This is a good place to note that empathy has a developmental sequence. The empathy of a two-year-old, who offers his own teddy bear to an upset grownup in tears whose adult suffering the child does not really understand, is on a continuum with, but different than, full adult empathy. Nor should the child’s empathy be dismissed. Children are exquisitely empathic, just not always with complicated adult issues. The adults deploy all the aspects of vicarious affect matching with the Other, appreciating who the other person is as a possibility, taking a walk cognitively in the Other person’s shoes (while remembering to take off one’s own to avoid project), and responding to the Other in a form of words and gestures that indicates to the Other that the listener “got” that with which the Other was struggling. 

The key take-away on adult empathy with children in Christine Olden’s (1953) defining statement is as follows: when with a child, the adult is present to his or own fate as a child of the same age. Note that such a calling forth of the adult’s experience does not necessarily align his or her experience with that of the child in the moment, since the child may be happy and the adult unhappy (and so on), but the implicit experience called forth is the input to the empathic process of comparing and contrasting one’s own experience with that of the child out of which an empathic response can be produced. 

What is characteristic of those against empathy is that they engage with the weakest version of the empathically-relevant phenomena at issue, not the strongest. They engage with the breakdowns and misfirings of empathy such as emotional contagion, projection, conformity, and communications getting lost in translation. All these are real enough occurrence, and the recommendation is to improve on empathy by analyzing what occurred and taking steps to improve the practice in context. Yet the tactic of the anti-empaths is to roll these misfirings up into the definition of empathy, and then invalidate empathy. In contrast with this argumentative lack of charity, the sound practice of empathy “gets it” that empathy can fail; and it is precisely in overcoming these failures, obstacles and resistances that a rigorous and critical empathy comes forth and gets implemented. 

As noted above, the analytic philosopher of language Donald Davidson (1973: 136–137) innovated in defining a “a principle of [argumentative] charity.” One seeks for that in vain in Against Empathy, where the title itself seems to be a provocation. Nor is there anything wrong with that as such – just do not pretend that provocation and rhetoric (in the negative sense) are going to expand one’s empathy. Never was it truer, resistance to empathy makes obstacles to empathy a part of the defining features of empathy in order to dismiss it. 

For example, if one is suffering from compassion fatigue or empathic distress, which is a professional risk of first responders and members of the helping professions such as doctors and therapists, then one recommendation is to “dial down” the compassion and/or empathy. If one uncharitably weakens empathy or compassion by representing them as an “on off” switch, then one is faced with the false choice between these pro-social practices and hard-heartedness. However, if one represents compassion and empathy as being something that one can dial up and down, granted this requires practice and training, then one has the possibility of sampling the other person’s suffering and pain vicariously. One has a vicarious experience – a sample or trace affect of the Other’s experience – and one is able to put one’s toe in the river of the Other’s suffering (so to speak) without being flooded by it. Much remains to be said about this, but, for our present purposes, the point is to decline the false choice between more compassion and expanded empathy. Both are needed. 

A particularly problematic example that Bloom cites is the case in which empathy allegedly incites to violence. The example Bloom gives is the cases of lynchings of black men in the US South who were accused of raping white woman, in which lynchings, Bloom maintains, empathy for the white woman became a motive to the violence. How shall I put it delicately? Simply stated, lynchings were a way of maintaining white supremacy and domination of black people through violence and should never be represented in any other way. Racism is the systematic denial of empathy. 

These false accusations against innocent black men, who were literally grabbed off the street, are fanatical delusions similar to those that Jewish people drank the blood of Christian babies or that extra-terrestrials from Mars invaded New Jersey in 1931 – lies, damn lies, and total nonsense. I am sitting here holding my head in my hands and rocking back-and-forth quasi-catatonically. I am sick at heart. To site this racist accusation of rape as an example of empathy or motivating an empathic reaction is the reduction to absurdity of Bloom’s entire project. He just doesn’t get it. Even argumentative charity has its limits. At the very least, Bloom is tin-eared and unempathic to cite this common racist stereotype of rhetorical violence preceding physical violence, which is a tactic of domination, Jim Crow, white supremacy, and the imposition of injustice by violence. The most charitable thing to do to undo something so off the rails is to apologize and resign. 

On background for the reader’s historical empathy, in 1931 eight black young adults and one juvenile, henceforth known as “The Scottsboro Boys,” were falsely accused of raping two women. After examination by a medical doctor, no evidence of rape was found. They were tried by an all-white male jury for rape and sentenced to death for the rape(s) (except for the juvenile, who was sentenced to life in prison). The NAACP and the Communist Party (regarding the latter, even a broken clock tells the correct time twice a day) provided legal assistance to the young men and stopped the State from executing them; but they had to endure long and unjust years in prison. With this historical vignette of struggle for justice and empathy ringing in our ears, we turn to the next example of empathy under stress. 

Mutilated empathy

Migrant Aesthetics by Glenda Carpio sets up an either/or choice between ending empire (e.g., racism, colonialism, imperialism, and so on) and expanding a rigorous and critical empathy. The book then mutilates empathy by confusing it with projection, emotional contagion, conformity, and other forms of miscommunication. The result is some 285 pages of penetrating analysis in which the reader does not get a single example of the practice of empathy resulting in a successful empathic relatedness in literary fiction (which is the author’s area of expertise and discussion). The attempt by Migrant Aesthetics to force a choice between expanding empathy and ending (or limiting) empire must be refused. Both results – ending (limiting) empire and expanding empathy – are needed. More on that shortly. (See Glenda Carpio. (2023). Migrant Aesthetics: Contemporary Fiction, Global Migration, and the Limits of Empathy by Glenda Carpio (New York: Columbia University Press.)

The good news is that empathy works whether one names it or not, whether one believes in it or not. Contra Carpio’s constant carping (forgive me, I just couldn’t resist), the practice of a rigorous and critical empathy knows that it can be wrong and can break down, misfire or go astray, flat out fail, as projection, emotional contagion, conformity, or communications getting lost in translation. It is precisely in engaging with and overcoming these obstacles and resistances to empathy that empathic relatedness and community are brought forth. Like with most powerful methods, skills, or interventions, practice makes the master. As a successful and popular teacher, Carpio knows the value of empathy, nor is mention of the word itself required. 

The issue is that in 285 pages of penetrating, incisive analysis of migrant aesthetics (the category, not the title), Carpio does not provide a single example of what an effective empathy would look like. The reader is not given a single example of a healthy empathic relatedness that works, so that one could identify it if one happened to encounter it. This bears repeating: in some 285 pages of summary and analysis of the literary fictions of Dinaw Mengestu, Teju Cole, Aleksandar Hemon, Valeria Luiselli, Julie Otsuka, Junot Diaz, and some nonfiction of others, Migrant Aesthetics does not cite a single example of empathy that works right or functions as designed.

Not one. Granted that empathy does not always succeed, the reader of Migrant Aesthetics does not learn what a healthy, rigorous and critical empathy might look like if, rare as it may be (as empathy skeptics assert), if one happened to encounter empathy. None. Not one single example of what empathy looks like when it succeeds in producing empathic relatedness. This must give the reader pause. We take a step back—but not too far back.

Caprio asserts: “…[W]hat has been my central argument in this work: that the history of empire is key in understanding the roots of migration at a scale appropriate to its global dimensions (Carpio: p. 228).” That to be forced from one’s home and become a refugee of the road is definitely a source of pain, suffering, and trauma. Here the connection is direct—cause (routed from one’s home by aggression, starvation, etc.) and effect (pain, suffering, trauma). At the risk of over-simplification, yet a compelling one, white Europeans with cannons and machine guns go to Africa and Asia and exploit the natural resources and enslave or dominate the locals. A small subset of the locals is coopted—analogous to the concentration camp capos, both perpetrators and survivors (until they are not) being chosen from the prisoners—to make the job of domination by the ruling class easier. Even the surviving prisoners then become perpetrators as one starving prisoner “steals” bread or water from another or lies to save his own skin, thereby endangering another. And some of those local migrants journey back to headquarters, whether Boston, London, or New York, and some become the celebrated authors of migrant fiction (the literary distinction not the title).

Empathy is a powerful tool in deescalating conflict and restoring dignity to aggrieved parties and survivors of empire, and has been successfully employed in doing so from the troubles in Ireland to the Truth and Reconciliation session in South Africa (see Donna Hicks on Dignity (2011)). However, if anyone seriously believes that empathy is going to solve the problems created by empire, colonialism, imperialism, and so, then—how shall I put it delicately?—empathy is being “over sold.” This is usually the first step in setting up empathy as a “strawman” to be blamed for not fixing the many challenges facing civilized human beings committed to building a community that works for all persons. 

There are at least two hidden variables behind the problematic causal analysis of empire that would help connect the dots between empire and empathy-based solutions: Human aggression and human hunger (hunger for many things, but here for food). These human beings are an aggressive species—and biologically omnivores. People can be kind and compassionate and empathic, but they also can behave aggressively and violently. Even if committed vegetarians, people also need to eat quite regularly, if not exactly three times a day. 

To say, as Migrant Aesthetics does, that the arrival of the white European conquistador and their horses in the new world in 1492 was a catastrophe for the original inhabitants gets the measure of the event about right. In a way, the displacement of the Cherokee Nation from Georgia to Oklahoma is a kind of migration; but not really. It is a death march with strong aspects of genocide. 

By all means denounce empire, but a more useful approach consistent with such righteous indignation might be to elaborate an analysis of human aggression, territoriality, lack of education, lack of critical thinking, the disturbing tendency of many human beings (“true believers” (Hoffer 1951) fanatically to follow authoritarian figures off a cliff. In that context, empathy is a proven way of deescalating violence and aggression and restoring dignity to the survivors. 

There is a readiness assessment for empathy, and it requires that one be relatively safe and secure in one’s own person. Above all, the readiness requires a willingness to inquire into one’s own blind spots and preconscious biases. Empathy “the hard way” does not take the easy way out – e.g., bell hooks’ “eating the other” – the hard way includes the work of taking the Other’s perspective, giving up being righteous, giving up being aggrieved, asking for what one needs, and so on. 

As it stands, Migrant Aesthetics misunderstands empathy, mutilates it, and then blames empathy because empathy can be misapplied by migrant authors, some of the male members who are both perpetrators and survivors, for calling attention to their plight and that of the devalued Other within us all.

The other hidden variable is that these humans are a hungry species. At the risk of over-simplification, long since incurred, the development of Cyrus McCormick’s combine-wheat-reaper, and the follow-on agribusiness technology, allow some 2% of the population to grow enough food to feed the entire planet; and this in spite of the fact that human choices made under aggression continue to use food as a weapon of starvation. Prior to the Green Revolution, the other 98% of the population had to work twelve to sixteen hours a day to grow enough food to avoid slow death by starvation. As noted, the migrant classics, admittedly shot through with empire, of Willa Cather and Ole Edvart Rolvaag, confront hunger as an ever-present specter, pending a successful harvest. Meanwhile, apparently large dairy herds really do contribute to greenhouse gases. 

The grievance against empathy continues: Migrant Aesthetics  writes (p. 4): “More broadly, the genre of immigrant literature depends on a model of reading founded on empathy—a model that my book takes to task. Literature promotes empathy, we are told, but empathy can easily slip into a projection of readers’ feelings and even into outright condescension.” As a reader, I am holding my head in my hands and rocking back-and-forth quasi-catatonically. Projection is a breakdown of empathy. I am in disbelief at the lack of common sense, lack of critical thinking, and absence of argumentative charity in confusing empathy and projection. Projection is a misfiring and/or going off the rails of empathy. Projection is a “getting lost in translation” of empathy. Now attribute these to empathy and dismiss empathy. Hmmm.

As regards “a model of reading founded on empathy,” please stop right there. Reading the story would not work—would not make any sense—would, strictly speaking, be unintelligible without empathy. Reading and empathy are joined at the hip, so to say. Without empathy, the actions and contingencies, the struggles and high spirits, setbacks and successes, that are represented in the story would be strange sounds and gestures appearing to an anthropologist on Mars or on her first day in an alien culture, prior to marshalling her empathic skills. Never underestimate the power of storytelling, but absent empathy, it does not get traction. Reading is founded on empathy. Reading teaches one to walk in someone else’s shoes. Reading takes one to worlds that don’t exist, like the world of Harry Potter. One can feel what it was like for Rosa Parks to refuse to sit in the back of that segregated bus in 1955. This calls out the convergence of reading and empathy—both open up new worlds, both provide vicarious experiences of the lives of Others, both point to possibilities that had not previously been imagined. In both reading and empathy, we relate to an Other—in the one case in-person, in the other case, in-fiction or the vicarious presentation of historical narrative.

If the reader did not bring the capacity for empathy to the reading of the text, the text itself would not make sense. Reading the simplest narrative about a snowman melting in the spring thaw, much less Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina’s anguish at being patriarchally denied access to her son, would be unintelligible. Without the vicarious experience of empathic receptivity, the reading of the most dramatic fiction will be indistinguishable from reading the railroad schedule when the rail workers were on strike. Meaningless. Unintelligible. The water streaming from the abandoned child’s face would not be tears; the clenched fist would not be anger but an excess of adrenaline; the trembling would not be fear but Parkinson’s disorder. The migrant bones in the desert over which no one prayed would be calcified carbon, not an anguished cry for help and human response. 

Without empathy, one would perhaps be able to provide an accurate description, whether as fact or fiction is irrelevant here, of the Other’s behavior from a third person perspective, but the behavior would lack vitality, energy, strength, aliveness, and relatedness to the things that matter to human beings. One would truly be like the philosopher Descartes looking out the window at people on the street below, wondering if the entities that appear to be people are really instead robot-like automata. Descartes was practicing an exercise in radical doubt, whereas the reader that lacked the capacity for empathy would be practicing an exercise in radical draining of meaning from the text in every sense from pragmatics to semantics—encountering empty words describing empty behavior, as noted, like reading a train schedule during the railway strike, instead of reading an engaging narrative such as Anna’s emotional, moral, cognitive. spiritual struggles to attain self-knowledge and personal fulfillment. 

However, Migrant Aesthetic responds: You have now got the point. Drive out empathy to let justice and a small set of related responses come forth. It doesn’t work. Migrant Aesthetics “forecloses” (rejects) empathy, then immediately lets empathy back in. Empathy is indispensable, and it cannot be kept out.

Carpio (p. 8): “[…] [T]he writers I examine reject empathy as the main mode of rationality, opting instead for what Hannah Arendt called “representative thinking” that is, they urge reader to think, as themselves, from the position of another person and thus to call into question their own preconceptions and actions” [italics added]. Thus, Migrant Aesthetics rejects empathy while calling out “the position of another person,” which is precisely the folk definition of empathy.

Arendt’s reference here is of course to a single line in Immanuel Kant’s Third Critique (1791/93: AA 158) about “enlarged thinking” [erweiterten…Denkungart] that is, to think from the perspective of the Other. Sounds like the folk definition of empathy to me. This cipher of “enlarged thinking”, which remains unintegrated in Kant, became the inspiration for Arendt’s incomplete third volume of the life of the mind on political judgment. Once again, it is the folk definition of empathy.

The point is that Migrant aesthetics (the book, not the distinction) politicizes aesthetics with anti-fascist, anti-imperialist, anti-empire-ist commitments, rhetoric (in the classical sense), and expressions, without necessarily making practical recommendations for political action. Migrant Aesthetics expels empathy from the garden of artistic achievement, because empathy does not provide a stable basis for political action. 

Never underestimate the relevance of Immanuel Kant, yet if one wants measurable results from political action, apply Saul Alinsky’s Rules for Radicals (1971) or analysis based on Eric Hoffer’s The True Believer (1951), not Kant’s Third Critique. Hoffer calls out the mutilated logic of totalitarian thinking; and Alinsky knew quite a lot about building community, and though he did not use the word “empathy,” empathy lives in building community. (See also Tristam Adams. (2016). The Psychopath Factory: How Capitalism Organises Empathy, London: Repeater Books, so the capitalist takes a walk in the Other’s shoes in order to sell him another pair; is nice to the workers in order to improve productivity; it seems to work well enough – see also the Chapter in Lou Agosta, The Lazy Person’s Guide to Empathy (with illustrations by Alex Zonis) on “Empathy: Capitalist tool.”)

 In short, the rumor of empathy remains a rumor in the cases of Gad Saad’s Suicidal Empathy, Breithaupt’s Dark Empathy, Bloom’s Against Empathy or Carpio’s Migrant Aesthetics; the rumor is not confirmed; and empathy does not live in this work. It is where empathy goes to become projection, emotional contagion, and fake empathy. It is where empathy goes to become mutilated empathy like mutilated fragments of human bones in the desert. Don’t go there.

In summary, it is not a choice between expanding empathy and ending/reducing empire, and an engagement with both is needed. Survivors ask for empathy. When survivors are asked, “What do you want—what would make it better? What would soothe the trauma?” then rarely do they say punish the perpetrator (though occasionally they do). Mostly they ask for acknowledgement, to be heard and believed, to hear the truth about what happened, for apology, accountability, restitution, rehabilitation, prevention of further wrong (see Judith L. Herman, MD. (2023). Truth and Repair: How Trauma Survivors Envision Justice. New York: Basic Books). Rarely do survivors make forgiveness a goal if that would require further interaction with the perpetrator (though self-forgiveness should not be dismissed). It bears repeating: though both are needed, survivors do not ask for an end to empire, but for empathy.

References

Tristam Adams. (2016). The Psychopath Factory: How Capitalism Organises Empathy, London: Repeater Books

Lou Agosta. (2010). Empathy in the Context of Philosophy. London: PalgraveMacmillan.

Lou Agosta. (2018/2024). Empathy Lessons, 2nd Edition. Chicago: Two Pears Press.

Lou Agosta. (2025). Chapter 3: Empathy and its discontents, in Radical Empathy in the Context of Literature. Palgrave Macmillan Press. Click here to download

Lou Agosta. (2025). Radical Empathy in the Context of Literature. Palgrave Macmillan Press. Click here for Lou Agosta’s Amazon page.

Saul Alinsky. (1971). Rules for Radicals. New York: Vintage, 1989

Hannah Arendt. (1971). Eichmann in Jerusalem. New York: Viking Press: see especially pp. 105–106.

C. Daniel Batson. (2009), These things called empathy Eight related but Distinct Phenomena. In The Social Neuroscience of Empathy, eds. Jean Decety and William Ickes. Cambridge, MA: The MIT Press, 2009: 3–16.

Paul Bloom. (2016). Against Empathy. New York: Ecco (Harper Collins).

Fritz Breithaupt. (2017). The Dark Sides of Empathy, Andrew Hamilton (tr.). Ithaca, NYY: Cornell UP.

Glenda Carpio. (2023). Migrant Aesthetics: Contemporary Fiction, Global Migration, and the Limits of Empathy. New York: Columbia UP.

Simon Baron-Cohen. (2014). Zero degrees of empathy. RSA [Renaissance Society of America] Video Presentation: https://youtu.be/Aq_nCTGSfWE [checked on 2023-02-26]; 

Donald Davidson. (1973). Radical interpretation. In Inquiries into Truth and Interpretation. Oxford: The Clarendon Press, 2001: 125–139

Jean Decety and William Ickes. (2009). The Social Neuroscience of Empathy. Cambridge, MA: The MIT Press.

Jonathan Haber. (2020). Critical Thinking. Cambridge, MA: The MIT Press: 74.

Judith L. Herman, MD. (2023). Truth and Repair: How Trauma Survivors Envision Justice. New York: Basic Books

Donna Hicks. (2011). Dignity. New Haven: Yale UP.

Eric Hoffer. (1951). The True Believer. New York: Random.

Immanuel Kant. (1791/93). Critique of the Power of Judgment, trans. Paul Guyer and Eric Matthews. Cambridge: Cambridge UP, 2013: AA 158.

Heinz Kohut. (1981). “On Empathy,” The Search for the Self: Volume 4: Selected Writings of Heinz Kohut 1978-1981, London: Karnac Books, 2011: 525–535; see 529, 580 on empathy as vicarious introspection.

Susan Lanzoni. (2018). Empathy: A History. New Haven: Yale University Press; Micah Zenko. (2015). Red Team: How to Succeed by Thinking Like the Enemy. New York: Basic Books.

The Ludlow Massacre: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ludlow_Massacre

Christine Olden. (1953). On adult empathy with children. Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, Vol 8 [annual]: 111–126.

Namwali Serpall. (2019). The banality of empathy. The New York Reviewhttps://www.nybooks.com/online/2019/03/02/the-banality-of-empathy/?lp_txn_id=1496946 [checked on 10/20/2023].

Tunku Varadarajan. (July 10, 2026): Gad Saad on Suicidal Empathy and Western Decline: https://www.wsj.com/opinion/gad-saad-on-suicidal-empathy-and-western-decline-cdae269f?st=6zthGs&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink

Frans de Waal, Oct 3, 2009, Our kinder, gentler ancestors: https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052748704471504574449012560741086?st=jhYLwQ&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink

Frans de Waal. (2009). The Age of Empathy: Nature’s Lessons for a Kinder Society. New York: Harmony Books (Random House).

Tara Wells. (2017). Compassion is better than empathy, Psychology Today:  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-clarity/201703/compassion-is-better-empathy?msockid=38a4e0db840c639d1086f7d48545627f

Micah Zenko. (2015). Red Team: How to Succeed by Thinking Like the Enemy. New York: Basic Books.

Note: No generative AI or AI of any kind was used in the preparation and execution of this blog post or its publication or recorded version.

© Lou Agosta, PhD and the Chicago Empathy Project


[1] Daniel Paul Schreber (1842 – 1911) is the most famous schizophrenic of the late 19th and early 20th Century. He was the equivalent of a federal judge before his illness and in a successful attempt to convince the authorities of his recovery and to release him he wrote Memoirs of a Nervous Illness New York, trans. Ida Macalpine and Richard A. Hunter: New York Review of Books Publications, 2000.  Sigmund Freud, Carl Gustave Jug, and Karl Jaspers all engaged with Schreber’s work in their own respective ways. Also relevant are Louis Sass (1994). The Paradoxes of Delusion: Wittgenstein, Schreber, and the Schizophrenic Mind. Ithaca, NY: Cornell University Press and Eric Santner. (1996). My Own Private Germany: Daniel Paul Schreber’s Secret History of Modernity. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.


[1] 1968–2001: Executed by Federal authorities on June 11, 2001 for the bombing of the Alfred P Murrah Federal Building in April 1995 in which 168 people, including 19 children, were killed and 680 injured. 

(c) Lou Agosta, PhD and the Chicago Empathy Project

“Empathy is hard” is different than hard empathy

If you start a conversation by saying, “I am committed to expanding empathy in the individual and community,” then some people think you are a pushover. Weak. Vulnerable to bullying. Nothing could be further from the truth. Hard empathy (sometimes also called “radical empathy”) is different than “empathy is hard.” A lack of attention to hard empathy is another reason that being empathic is harder than it needs to be. And this post explains why by distinguishing hard empathy from soft empathy.

Listen to this post as a podCast on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2NA04JeYNJUlOS5EOKxZYF?si=b355bf82b05d4bc7

The innovation proposed here is to think of empathy, like so many things these days, as existing on a spectrum between empathy as “empathic listening” and empathy as “tough love.” A rigorous and critical empathy includes both options, which maps to the difference between “soft empathy” and “hard empathy,” and a sliding scale of possibilities in-between. 

Thus, the stereotype of standard empathy is described accurately as “soft empathy.” After giving the other person a good listening, one responds: “I get it, man, you are really dealing with some tough stuff there.” “I get you, man, it sounds like a lot of things are going wrong at once – that can’t be easy.” “No use sugar coating things or pretending things could be worse when they are already sooo bad.” One validates the other person’s struggle and effort, which in itself can trigger a shift in the other person’s experience and attitude. Never underestimate the power of empathy of any kind to shift the other person out of stuckness and into an emotional equilibrium that enables the person to take action on their own behalf to improve their situation. However, usually when one talks about “empathy,” one means a version of “soft empathy.” 

The short folk definition of empathy is used here. Empathy is taking a walk in the other person’s shoes (after having first taken off one’s own to avoid projection). Different aspects of empathy encompass having a vicarious experience of the other person’s experience; appreciating who the other person is as a possibility; taking the alternative point of view of the other person (the folk definition); and formulating an empathic response that communicates that the listener “gets” what the other person (the speaker) has told to the listener. Note that in an empathic response, the listener has become the speaker and is sharing in a form of words, communicating back to the other person what the listener has “gotten” in listening to the other person.  

The challenge is that soft empathy does not work in dealing with bullies, aggressors, psychopaths, antisocial personality disorder, corrupt politicians, gangsters selling fire insurance, and bad actors of diverse kinds too numerous to list here (and so this list is not complete). This has led anti-empathy proponents to assert that empathy is a kind of suicide. For example, in a famine, one gives away one’s last morsel of food to a hungry person, and both starve to death. In an overcrowded life boat, one keeps taking on survivors treading water in the shark infested area around the life boat until the boat is swamped and all end up perishing. 

Such thought experiments are useful in provoking debate and thinking about tough cases. However, in so far as such thought experiments set up a narrative that already robs the participants of agency, such stories are not so much about empathy as about moral dilemmas and tragic circumstances. Do not overlook that if you are in a life boat, it is because your ship sank. You do not need more empathy; you need rescue. If you are in a famine, do not forget that there is demonstrably enough food to feed everyone on the planet, but food is used as a weapon by bad actors pursuing problematic political agendas; and the breakdown in empathy occurs upstream in the interrupted supply chain, not in desperate sharing among starving survivors. (Regarding Suicidal Empathy see:  https://louagosta.com/2026/05/22/suicidal-empathy-is-in-the-news-what-you-need-to-know-to-debunk-the-anti-empathy-skeptics/)

Responding empathically leaves the empathizing individual vulnerable to the would-be bad actor’s manipulations, deceptions, and interrogations. This is so even if the listener sticks to mirroring responses, giving back the other person what one gets from them, and validation. Without employing a rigorous and critical empathy, one is not on the slippery slope of dancing with the devil, one is already going steady with him. 

In dealing with such tough cases and difficult individuals, one can indeed engage from a position of empathy, but the recommendation is to hit the pause button on the softer aspect of empathy, one may usefully temporarily dial down the aspects of empathy such as kindness, niceness, generosity, and so on, and establish boundaries, set limits, push back, and think like one’s opponent by using “top down,” cognitive empathy. In situations where conflict is occurring empathy includes “war gaming” different scenarios in such a way that risks, vulnerabilities, simulations, and alternative points of view are included.

This is sometimes called “Red Teaming,” because the “home team” splits into sides – red and blue (plus a referee) – and simulates the problem and “games” different outcomes. Red Team is an entire fascinating study in itself and the interested reader may usefully consult Micah Zenko, 2015, Red Team: How to Succeed by Thinking Like the Enemy (New York: Basic Books). See also the blog post on Red Team: https://empathylessons.com/2022/02/27/empathy-in-time-of-war-red-team-red-team/

I hasten to add that it is highly improbable that anyone committed to empathy is going to become hard-hearted or cruel, but rather exercise expanded thoughtfulness in considering the consequences of gratitude and generosity, etc. Thus, the image of Lou Gossett Jr as Drill Sgt Emil Foley from the film An Officer and a Gentleman, which accompanies this post, should not be taken literally. This post prefers the description “tough love” to “boot camp,” but it must be acknowledged there is an aspect of boot camp to tough love.

Louis Gossett Jr as Sgt Emil Foley in the film An Officer and a Gentleman

Regarding empathy of all kinds in all kinds of situations, the fallacy is to try to force a choice between the softer aspects of empathy such as kindness, generosity, or gratitude and survival.  Sometimes kindness helps one to survive, sometimes not so much. Likewise, such is the case with empathy. 

What then is this “hard empathy” about which we have heard so little? “Hard empathy” is where a rigorous and critical empathy comes into its own. Hard empathy has its source in “Don’t hurt yourself! (Or anyone else.)” For example, consider the empathic response after listening to a person describe his or her unhealthy relationship with alcoholic beverages. This goes from “I get you, man, alcohol is a ‘solution’ that reduces stress after a hard day of work” to “Alcohol is a solution [and not a good one] – you need a better solution – can you think of better solution?” It’s up to the client to come up with one such as – go to the gym, call a friend (and meet for coffee), practice yoga, Tai Chi, or meditative breathing, and so on. That’s the tough love – if you keep drinking like this, you are going to hurt yourself or someone you love. That’s the hard empathy. 

Soft empathy does not work (or at least does not work well) with bullies or a short list of difficult individuals including psychopaths and the criminally insane. How does hard empathy apply? If a bully is attempting to bully you, the empathic response is “de-escalation.” That includes saying something like “This does not work for me” and leaving, departing, escaping. However, suppose the person is the boss or a romantic partner who is throwing a temper tantrum. The best response may still be de-escalation: “I declare a breakdown in communication and am taking a ten minute [or one hour or one day] time out.” Ultimately the solution may require updating one’s resume or finding a calmer partner, but we are talking here about dealing with the moment of crisis and upset.

Taking a step back, what if walking away is not workable? Making the thought experiment even more confrontational, suppose one cannot leave or escape. Then the empathic response consists in several further steps to de-escalate empathically. 

(1) Take steps to ensure one’s own safety. Key term: safety. Maintain physical, social distance. Reduce external stimuli such as loud background noises, TV, bright lights. If there is a kitchen, where there may be knives or sharp objects, stay or get out of it. 

(2) Focus on keeping yourself calm as best you can. Breathe in and out. 

(3) If the other person is verbally abusive or name-calling, do not respond in kind. Do not say anything to make a difficult, bad situation worse. You may consider responding in that way to provocative questions: “I am not going to say anything to make a difficult situation worse.” Then proceed to the next step.

(4) In fact, empathy shows that someone who is bullying and/or having a temper tantrum is in an altered state of consciousness. They have not been drinking alcohol or tripping, but it is almost as if they had been doing so. Whatever you say to them does not get through and sounds like “Blah, blah, blah!” You may have to repeat yourself: “Let’s talk when we are both calmer.” 

(5) In the follow up, be consistent, do not confess to something you did not do, do not walk on eggshells, and do not retaliate. These are all easier said than done, of course, but they must both be said and done. Note that “do not retaliate” does not  mean there is no cost and impact to the temper tantrum. If the bully smashes the key board in a fit of temper, the bully is liable to replace it. The cost and impact are a part of the consequences and may include criminal damage to property. 

(6) In instances where there are significant differences in power and the available means of force, for example, the boss is a bully, one is trapped in the life boat with the bully, consider placating, including pretending agreement where none may actually exist in order to escape from a violent outcome. I know an example in which lying with reckless abandon saved a person’s life from an attempt on it, and gave the survivor time to call law enforcement. These are extreme situations where soft empathy is useless and hard empathy can make a positive difference. Nor does this mean that empathy advocates are promoting lying. Any priest, rabbi, imam, or spiritual guide will tell one that one must considering lying in order to save a life when no other options are workable. 

Hard empathy includes the standard aspects of empathy such as the communication of feeling based on an active listening to the other; an understanding of the other person based on who the other is as the possibility of power, self-expression, and freedom; appreciating the point of view of the other based on their perspective, not the listener’s; and responsiveness that give back to the other person their own experience in a form of words that expresses what the other communicated to the listener. This empathic responsiveness is where hard empathy comes into its own by “speaking truth to power.” 

This expression was coined by Bayard Rustin (1912–1987; the principal organizer of the 1963 March on Washington at which Martin Luther King gave his celebrated “I have a dream” speech) to describ the non-violent but assertive behavior on the part of leaders such as Mahama Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, Desmond Tutu, the Dalai Lama, and many more. The empathic aspect lives in the assumption that the authorities perpetrating the social injustice (or other problematic behavior) are human beings like oneself capable of reforming their ways. If this assumption is not valid – one is dealing with Nazis with machine guns – all bets are off. However, do not be too hasty in jumping to the misguided conclusion and self-fulfilling prophecy that anyone who disagrees with you is a Nazis with a machine gun. For example, when Terri Givens writes about “radical empathy” I assert that what this post is calling “hard empathy” is included. This is what is required to engage with “wicked” problems such as racial prejudice (e.g., see Terri E. Givens, 2021, Radical Empathy: Finding a Path to Bridging Racial Divides, Bristol, UK: Policy Press).  

This does not complete the conversation about hard empathy, but gets it off to a good start. A different aspect of hard empathy comes forth in the face of life circumstances with which it is hard to empathize. This includes the standard complaint about soft empathy in the helping professions. Regular exposure to other people’s trauma leaves the would-be empathizer experiencing burn out, compassion fatigue, and empathic distress. This is empathy the hard way, which is not so different from hard empathy. Hard empathy is committed to empathizing in the face of the breakdown of soft empathy due to the in-bound traumatic load being just too much to bear on the part of the would-be empathizer.

Extreme situations—that threaten death or grave injury to innocent people—call forth hard empathy. Standard (soft) empathy is challenged by extreme situations out of remote, hard-to-grasp experiences to become hard empathy Someone protests: “You can’t possibly know what I’ve been through!” Tue enough, but when you are hanging from the cliff above the abyss by a frayed line that is about to break, every rock face looks pretty much alike. 

The following is not the truth with a capital “T,” but consider the possibilities: Either one has lost a child or not lost a child; either one has survived a dreaded disease or not survived a dreaded disease; either one has given birth or not given birth; either one has been incarcerated in a concentration camp or one has not (e.g., Keen 2022: 43; Bettelheim 1943/1960). 

The word “empathy” is inscribed over the gate in the fence between self and Other. That is precisely one description of hard empathy—the gate does not open, but one is committed to getting over the fence in any case. One climbs over the fence or digs under it or straps on a hang glider or like Steve McQueen in The Great Escape, one finds a ramp for one’s motor cycle and launches oneself Evel-Knievel style on a wing and a prayer into thin air.

Empathy is always empathy and hard empathy applies the same four aspects of relatedness—receptivity, understanding, interpretation, and responsiveness. Hard empathy emerges from standard, soft empathy, when standard empathy breaks down, misfires, and/or fails in the face of empathic distress (including “burn out” or “compassion fatigue”). 

Empathic distress is itself a function of physical trauma, moral trauma, double binds, soul murder, and tragic circumstances that act to destroy possibilities of human flourishing, strength, aliveness, energy, and/or vitality. As a matter of definition, “soul murder” is defined by Henrik Ibsen’s John Gabriel Borkman (1896), as destroying (through emotional or physical abuse) the possibility of love, but is generalized here to include destroying the possibility of generating new possibilities (Shengold 1989). 

Hard empathy is attained when standard empathy honors the commitment to empathize in the face of empathic distress. This is empathy the “hard way,” and it is rare. No other way exists of attaining hard empathy than through empathy pure-and-simple—“standard empathy”—and much of the work accomplished here engages with the break downs of standard empathy as emotional contagion, projection, pressure to conform, and communications getting “lost in translation.” The repairs of these misfirings—and, it must be acknowledged, failures—of standard empathy lead the way to radical empathy. 

A person is asked to make a decision that no one should have to make. Join the “revolution” or I will kill your family. Sophie’s choice. Fall on the hand grenade. It doesn’t go off. A person is asked to make a decision that no one is able to make—and yet the person makes the decision anyway, even if the person does nothing, because doing nothing is making a decision. A person is asked to make a decision that no one is entitled to make, which include most decisions about who should live or die (or be gravely injured). The result is moral trauma—the person is both a perpetrator and a survivor. Now empathize with that. No one said it would be easy. Many questions open up here about hard empathy and its relationship to soft empathy as standardly defined. For further reading see the blog post in which “radical empathy” covers most of what is discussed here as “hard empathy”:  A concise talk on trauma and radical empathy: https://empathylessons.com/2025/08/22/a-concise-talk-on-trauma-and-radical-empathy/↗

Whether or not to mention “empathy” and when to do so is now a question similar to whether or not to talk about politics or religion at the job or with the in-laws. It is risky. People have always wanted to hear other people agree with them. Who wants to encounter disagreement? However, the wide spread distribution of social media has made worse the “echo chamber” effect of encountering little else except agreement. Nuance and fine-grained distinctions are out. Conformity and uniformity are in. Indeed, conformity is on the short list of the ways that empathy (whether hard or soft) breaks down, including emotional contagion, projection, and communications “lost in translation” (to call out the name of a now classic movie about breakdowns in communication).

A final concern. The number of conversations about empathy that do not even mention an active, dedicated listening committed to responsiveness is really shocking. If the would-be critic of empathy as such does not first acknowledge the need to listen, then the critique is talking about something else (whether pity, compassion, kindness, etc.), not empathy. I hasten to add that since empathy is practiced by error-prone, fallible humans, empathy requires constant practice and improvement. The concise advice on how to do that – whether in hard or soft form – is to clean up the breakdowns of empathy. Clean up emotional contagion, projection, conformity, communications lost in translations and empathy naturally comes forth and expands. The vast majority of people want to be empathy, even if they do not get enough empathy, and will embrace the opportunity to relate empathically.

Thus, the final recommendation is don’t talk about “empathy,” rather make empathy the source of your talk and actions. Okay, please say more about that. Consider the possibility that whether or not one drops the word “empathy” into the conversation, it will be perfectly obvious after about two minutes of talking whether one or more of the participants are “coming from” empathy. Nine times out of ten, you don’t need to say it. As Bob Dylan famously noted in another context, people may try to relate to you and me in a lot of different ways: “block you up / Shock or knock or lock you up / Analyze you, categorize you / Finalize you or advertise you”.[1] The lyrics go on like that for a while. If someone is trying to shock you, sell you something, inform you of their point of view, get you to do or not do something, enroll you in their program, “make you spin or do you in,” then you are in a different world than being appreciated you for who you are as a possibility and as a human being. As Dylan finally says, “All I really wanna do, baby, is be friends with you,” which is itself a statement that calls forth the growing cynicism of people presenting as your “friend.” Friends don’t spam one another. The same kind of thing can be said about a short-list of closely related attitudes, actions, and approaches to empathic human relations such as dignity, respect, kindness, generosity, gratitude, and, yes, friendship. 

Finally, these admittedly sometimes rambling reflections point to a further type of empathy that may need to be rolled up into basic empathy, cognitive empathy, affective empathy and sustained empathy, namely, hard empathy (sometimes also called “radical empathy”). Hard empathy is precisely that which the trauma survivors are implicitly and indirectly discussing when they assert that having survived and worked through the trauma (whether in therapy, mediation, yoga, or other intervention) has enhanced their empathic ability. Hard empathy is the commitment to empathy in the face of compassion fatigue, burnout, and empathic distress, which are the risks to empathy (causing empathy’s breakdown) that come forth in the face of trauma. For example, hard empathy is what is required to engage with “wicked” problems such as racial prejudice (e.g., see Terri E. Givens, 2021, Radical Empathy: Finding a Path to Bridging Racial Divides, Bristol, UK: Policy Press.  

Admittedly there are not a lot of publications on empathy and trauma, much less radical empathy and trauma, which is precisely why this discussion (and debate) is so important. There has been significant progress in the uses and definitions of empathy since Davis published his work in 1980 (and David Hume his, in 1736 when it was still called “sympathy”). For a short overview of radical empathy and trauma see Lou Agosta, 2025, A short “Ted Talk” trauma and radical empathy, in Radical Empathy in the Context of Literature, New York: Palgrave Macmillan: pp. 203 – 211 (admirably concise!).  Just as sustained empathy builds on basic empathy, affective empathy and cognitive empathy, so too does “hard empathy” build on all the former as an emergent function that makes possible non-incremental results in recovery from trauma and related life challenges. Regardless of how one designates the distinction of non-standard empathy, one is not going to get far in engaging with trauma without a radical form of hard empathy. 

References 

Lou Agosta. 2025. A short “Ted Talk” trauma and radical empathy, in Radical Empathy in the Context of Literature, New York: Palgrave Macmillan: pp. 203 – 211.

Lou Agosta. (2018). Empathy Lessons, 2n Edition. Chicago: Two Pears Press.

Bruno Bettelheim. (1943). Individual and mass behavior in extreme situations. Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, Vol. 38: 416-452. Anthologized in various collections including, Bettelheim. (1960). The Informed Heart: Autonomy in a Mass Age. New York: Free Press. 

Mark H. Davis. (1980). A Mulitdimensional Approach to Individual Differences in Empathy. JSAS [Journal Supplement Abstract Service] Catalog of Selected Documents in Psychology, 10, 85–100.

Bob Dylan. 1964. All I really want do song lyrics]. Bob Dylan: The Lyrics: 1961–2012. New York: Simon and Schuster, 2004: p. 113.

Terri E. Givens, 2021, Radical Empathy: Finding a Path to Bridging Racial Divides, Bristol, UK: Policy Press.

David Hume. 1736. A Treatise of Human Nature. Indianapolis: Bobby-Merrill Press.

Henrik Ibsen. (1896). John Gabriel Borkman, tr W. Archer (tr.). New York: Project Gutenburg e-Book, 2006.

Suzanne Keen. (2022). Reading and Empathy. London: Routledge.

Bayard Rustin. (1912–1987). Biographical report on: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bayard_Rustin

Leonard Shengold. (1999). Soul murder revisited. [URL checked  on 2023/11/11] https://archive.nytimes.com/www.nytimes.com/books/first/s/shengold-soul.html.

Micah Zenko. (2015). Red Team: How to Succeed by Thinking Like the Enemy. New York: Basic Books.

Image Credit: Lou Gossett Jr as Drill Sargent Emil Foley, with acknowledgement to Paramount Pictures and Screen Daley

No generative AI was used in the preparation of this post. None. 

© Lou Agosta, PhD and the Chicago Empathy Project


[1] Bob Dylan, 1964, “All I really want do,” Bob Dylan: The Lyrics: 1961–2012. New York: Simon and Schuster, 2004: p. 113.

Suicidal empathy is in the news: What you need to know to debunk the anti-empathy skeptics

Suicidal empathy is back in the news and deserves to be put in its proper place. Empathy exists on a spectrum between empathic kindness and “tough love”. This post contains some of each—but mostly tough love—for the anti-empathy skeptics.

The fallacy of those who debunk empathy as kindness to the absurd point of suicide is to try to force a choice between kindness and survival. The choice between empathy (as kindness) and survival must be declined. Of course, kindness is different than empathy, but more on that shortly. Sometimes kindness helps one to survive, sometimes not so much. In the case of kindness being interpreted as weakness, surrender, or lack of power (for example in dealing with aggressors, bad actors, bullies), the recommendation is to put the kindness on pause and set boundaries, set limits, push back, think like the opponent (“red team”) and use top down, cognitive empathy.

The latest thinking is that empathy is on a spectrum between empathy (perspective taking, dignity, respect, kindness) and “tough love”—and that “tough love” is precisely what is missing from the suicidal empathy advocates—namely, that empathy is consistent with tough love. 

One can always make a splash by throwing a rotten tomato, and those who throw one at empathy get a chance to gather Internet clicks by saying something shocking, even if it is of questionable accuracy. One might say, you can’t get publicity like this at any price! However, what about seriously engaging this thought literally as a debating point—is empathy a defect of western civilization dooming us to suicide and/or suicidal species extinction? As an exercise in thinking, consider the pros and cons.

Listen to this blog post as a podcast on A Rumor of Empathy on Spotify with Lou Agosta

You know how modern agriculture can grow enough food to feed everyone on the planet thanks to the “Green Revolution” and high yield seeds, but people are still starving, because of the use of food by politicians and politics in the pejorative sense to perpetrate hostility, aggression, and bad actions? Likewise with empathy: Enough empathy is available to go around; but it is badly distributed. People are living and working in empathy deserts. Organizational politics, stress and burnout, attempts to control and dominate, egocentrism and narcissism, out-and-out aggression and greed, all result in empathy getting hoarded locally, creating “empathy deserts” even amid an adequate supply. Therefore, this approach does not call for “more” empathy, but rather for “expanded” empathy. The difference is subtle.

Indeed the one minute empathy training consists in driving out hostility, aggression, bullying, bad language, prejudice, politics in the pejorative sense, a long list of negative behaviors, and empathy naturally and spontaneously comes forth. The majority of people want to be empathic, and, given half a chance, will behave empathically. Does this mean would-be empaths and empathically motivated people have become suicidal?  

The short version of suicidal empathy is as follows. We are in a lifeboat which is filled to the maximum after our ship sank. In the water, treading water, surrounding the lifeboat are additional survivors and other leaky lifeboats about to sink, leaving the survivors treading water. If the survivors in the lifeboat are empathic and take in the other survivors, then the lifeboat stil afloat will be swamped and we will all drown. The conclusion is that in such extreme situations, which are more common than one might imagine, then empathy needs to be turned off—or at least dialed down significantly—lest we all perish. 

This thought experiment of the lifeboat and its extreme situation has received renewed attention as Elon Musk has notoriously said that empathy is a weakness of western civilization. 

By the way, regarding Musk’s comment, empathy advocates are telling me, there is no such thing as bad press coverage, and you can’t get publicity like this at any price. It is almost as good as having your books banned by the Catholic Church or saying that the Pope does not really understand religion!

Like most thought experiments, the lifeboat scenario is an intuition pump designed to stimulate debate about a difficult and controversial subject, in this case, empathy in circumstances of scarcity, trauma, compromised agency, and extreme situations. 

On background, the original formulation of the lifeboat situation is due to ecologist Garrett Hardin (1974) whose idea of “spaceship earth” envisions the rich and poor nations as being in a life-or-death struggle against one another for limited resources. That Hardin was an anti-immigration Nativist in a nation of immigrants is problematic (and he is called out by the Southern Poverty Law Project as giving support to white supremacist hate groups[1]); but his many personal limitations do not necessarily mean his thought-experiment of lifeboat ethics is without merit. We engage it as a thought-experiment on its own merits. 

The key idea of Hardin’s thought experiment is that each nation is a lifeboat. Nations such as the USA are solid, water tight, and well off. Others such as the South Sudan, Burundi, Central African Republic and Bangladesh are sinking (in the case of Bangladesh, literally so) or at least leaking badly. In the water surrounding the lifeboat(s), there already are a lot of people treading water (think: refugees fleeing hunger and murderous gangs in South America) – and this number is growing. Therefore, Hardin’s argument goes, it behooves the well-off nations to establish strong borders that keep would-be refugees from the leaky boats from overwhelming the still water tight boats in order to prevent swamping us all. According to this scenario of “lifeboat ethics,” empathy is a luxury we cannot afford. Similar statements would be made about compassion, kindness, generosity, and, presumably, most of the teachings regarding neighborliness of Jesus of Nazareth, Confucius, and Buddha – not affordable in our extreme situation. 

Now to engage with the strongest version of lifeboat ethics requires a scenario in which there really is a situation of extreme scarcity. For the sake of argument, though scarcity is not inevitable, let us suppose that it is indeed inevitable. Let us accept the flawed presupposition that spaceship earth has resources which are so limited that extreme measures and hard-heartedness are required. 

Accepting the assumption of scarcity, the argument in favor of lifeboat ethics rejects the possibility that human beings have managed to survive on the planet by using their cognitive capabilities, innovating out of predicaments, by thinking about the consequences of their actions, optimizing those consequences, and finding ways of doing more with less. Here the limitations of the lifeboat dilemma as a thought experiment come into view. The ecological authorities who propose the thought experiment rule out every initiative and innovation to lessen the pain and suffering of the participants in the lifeboat scenario, whether in the boat or the water, thereby eliminating (or greatly reducing) the agency of those who would act empathically or who are willing to limit their own narrow self-interest. 

For example, if it is proposed that the people in the lifeboat throw the swimmers their own life vests or life preservers (think: foreign aid), thereby increasing the chances of survival, the authorities rule there are not enough life vests. 

If it is proposed that the people in the boats pull on the oars to circle the boats, tie the boats together to build a sort of pier, and use canvas to create a platform to support other survivors (think: the United Nations), there are no oars or canvas or rope or the seas are too rough. 

If it is proposed that some good Samaritans in the lifeboat volunteer to treat the lifeboat as a “time share” into and out of which individuals rotate out of the water for a while and then back in, the better to survive (think: foreign guest worker program), the authorities rule the water is so cold as to make such sharing unworkable. 

If it is proposed that the occupants in the lifeboat, pass the survivors in the water a thermos of hot medicinal tea (think: Doctors Without Borders), thereby delaying hypothermia, the authorities rule there is no such thermos. 

If it proposed to implement a flotation device by tying the ends of one’s trousers together, capturing the air, and wrapping it around one’s shoulders (think: the peace corps), then the authorities rule that the fabric is too thin or torn. 

If, after the people in the water have died of hypothermia or been killed by sharks, the people in the lifeboat can live for hundreds of days on sea turtles, raw fish, and rain water (think: micro lending), but only if they have a fishing line and a piece of canvas to catch the rain. The sea is a vast source of protein and can sustain many lifeboats, given a fishing line and a piece of putty to plug the leaks. The authorizes rule all that out, too. In short, the agency required to imagine and implement an empathic act or even a useful, life sustaining one, is cancelled by the steady drum-beat (and counter argument) of “not enough,” “not enough,” and more “not enough”. 

This is why tragedy – the art form – was invented. Life presents contingent circumstance that constrain one’s agency, limit one’s choices, and make one both a survivor and a perpetrator (if one survives). As thinkers of the lifeboat dilemma, we are put into a double-bind. If one acts inclusively, thoughtlessly pulling people into the already overcrowded lifeboat, then everyone ends up in the water (and eventually under water). If one acts to repel any attempt to get into the lifeboat, then one enacts violence against those trying, perhaps legitimately to self-rescue, and one behaves hard-heartedly. One becomes a perpetrator, causing others to die. One is caught between the rock and hard place; literally, in this case, between the devil and the deep blue sea. That is the definition of moral trauma. Now empathize with that!

The people trying to climb into the lifeboat, who get pushed down, experience physical trauma as they drown. The people already in the boat who push down the otherwise innocent would-be survivors for whom there is no room in the boat, experience moral trauma. Whatever happens, their souls are damaged. The result is empathic distress, including forms of compassion fatigue, guilt, loss of self-respect, and burnout, one and all professional risks of the helping professions. Whether one gives into despair (or a hard-hearted “realism”) and becomes a survivalist, stock-piling canned goods, ammo, and guns, is a further point of debate. In addition to empathic distress, standard empathy confronts obstacles of emotional contagion, projection, conformity, and communications lost in translation. 

Yet even in the face of lifeboat ethics, empathy remains indispensable. How so? If one is in a lifeboat one is by definition a survivor. Your ship sank! That is a necessary part of the definition of a lifeboat. You were cast into the vast, seemingly boundless sea. Never underestimate the importance of empathy for those in extremis, but even more than empathy, the occupants of the lifeboat need rescue. To be in a lifeboat and not need rescue is a contradiction in terms, blowing up the whole scenario and sending it back to the drawing board. This exposes the entire lifeboat scenario as a manipulation and mechanism for constraining, compromising, and denying agency to the participants in the dilemma. However, let us take the scenario at face value – help is not coming!

Meanwhile, awaiting rescue, one is at risk of becoming a perpetrator, albeit unwittingly, if one defends the lifeboat against those trying to climb into it by pushing them back down into the water. People are going to drown. In most tragic literature, the protagonist is both a survivor and a perpetrator. 

For example, the Greek hero Oedipus was exposed as an infant to die, abandoned by his biological parents, who feared the prophecy of his murdering his father. He is rescued by a shepherd and goes on unwittingly to kill his biological father in a dispute as he (Oedipus) tries to avoid the fated prophecy, and, leaves the home of his foster parents (not realizing they have fostered him). Likewise, the people in the lifeboat are both survivors and perpetrators, the latter as they have to take violent action to defend their boat against the desperate swimmers who would occupy it. 

Two wrongs do not make a right, and there is no excuse for bad behavior. However, the people in the lifeboat are asked to make choices—life and death decisions—that no one is entitled to make, that no one should have to make, indeed that no one can make with integrity, yet that they make anyway and in any case, since doing nothing is also a choice. The point is not to marshal excuses—since there are none adequate to life and death—but to note that standard empathy is challenged in the face of moral trauma to become radical—to become radical empathy. 

Empathy itself requires innovation. The proposal is that the lifeboat dilemma calls for and calls forth radical empathy. Radical empathy leverages the imagination to find a way forward in the face of tragic circumstances. Radical empathy is committed to empathizing in the face of empathic distress to solve the given dilemma through imagination variations when and where it is possible to do so; to comfort the survivors when there are any; and when there are no survivors by bearing witness to the tragic struggle where the outcome is a tragic one. 

Empathy, whether standard or radical, has a direct answer to lifeboat ethics and those about to be cast into a lifeboat. The answer is: “Women and children first.” If that happens to be your own spouse and children, then so much the better. However, save someone; and while I cannot say what I action I would take in such an extreme situation, presumably one should be ready to surrender one’s place in the boat. That is the empathic moment and the answer to hard-hearted proposals to throw the weak overboard. Children are the future and, unless they survive, species extinction is the outcome, and species extinction is a completely different thought experiment, not relevant here. This is the empathic answer. 

In the face of a thought-experiment such as lifeboat ethics, designed to take away one’s power and agency in the face of contingencies, the problem—how to allocate resources empathically in the face of extreme scarcity—cannot be directly solved. Rather the problem must be refuted. The setup of the experiment contains a flawed presupposition. Fundamentally flawed! The experiment makes it sound like scarcity is unavoidable. This is factually, scientifically, and indeed historically inaccurate. 

Scarcity (let us consider the example of starvation) is occurring on our planet, in war zones, and even in the inner-city community in which I live, but not because of lack of food. Starvation is occurring because food is being used as a weapon of domination, including prejudice, aggression and war. There is enough food to go around (as will be easily demonstrated in the next paragraph) but hostile and oligarchical powers (governments) are withholding it from those who have been designated as “the enemy,” including civilian populations. A noncontroversial if no less gut-wrenching example was the Nigerian-Biafran Civil War (1967–1970), with examples of children near death with swollen belies due to malnourishment. This was due to armed military blockade not crop failures. Such withholding would, of course, be the contrary of empathic (or even decent!) behavior. 

On background, spaceship earth (to use Hardin’s incisive term) has vastly more resources than a life boat and, therefore, vastly expanded opportunities for imaginative innovation. To stay with the example of feeding people, the development of Cyrus McCormick’s combine-wheat-reaper, and the follow-on agribusiness technology, allow some 2% of the population to grow enough food to feed the entire planet; and this in spite of the fact that human choices made under aggression continue to use food as a weapon of starvation. Prior to the Green Revolution, the other 98% of the population had to work twelve to sixteen hours a day to grow enough food to avoid  a slow, agonizing death by starvation. Arguably, these people were historically in the lifeboat dilemma; and their behavior often showed it (which, of course, is not excuse for bad behavior as two wrongs do not make a right). 

On further background, Norman Borloug’s (1914–2009) innovations in seeds and plants improved agricultural yields by integral factors, leading food experts to estimate his innovations saved over a billion people from starvation, earning Borloug the Nobel Peace Prize and the US Presidential Medal of Freedom. Lots of wars have been fought over land – land also used to grow food. Garrett Hardin lived long enough to know about this (“Green Revolution”), but his commitment to anti-immigration politics apparently created a blind spot, preventing him from engaging.

Therefore, the approach of lifeboat ethics is based on a fallacy that the situation of scarcity is an unavoidable one – an inevitable continency. On the contrary, scarcity is being manufactured by bad actors, bad politics, and out-and-out human aggression. As such, the scarcity can and should be undone by actors with better (including empathic) motives in order to restore the community to a benchmark standard human functioning. This is consistent with natural disasters creating local calamities that cause scarcity. It is also consistent with disagreements about what constitutes an emergency. However, the point is to send in emergency services and the national guard to deliver or air drop palettes of drinkable water, canvas for tents, and provisions, not to shoot the survivors as a burden to the community (the latter following the logic of the lifeboat to its absurd conclusion). 

Returning to the basic metaphor, empathy is no more to blame for overloading the lifeboat than carpentry is to blame for the fact that Roman soldiers used hammer and nails to execute condemned criminal and political enemies by crucifying them. Without practice, empathy can go astray as emotional contagion, projection, conformity, and communications lost in translation. Being generous to a fault or suicide have never been a requirement for empathy. Never. With practice, a rigorous and critical empathy sets boundaries, establishes limits, and creates a whole that is more than the sum of its parts. 

A rigorous and critical empathy belongs to a short list of things such as dignity, respect, compassion, neighborliness, and forms of spiritual love, and are not quantifiable as zero-sum phenomena. For example, if I give you a slice of my chocolate cake, I have less cake. However, if I give you empathy, by giving you a good listening, we both have expanded empathy. Empathy is non additive—and so non subtractive. humanizing encounter in which my own humanity is enriched in contributing to another person. A rigorous and critical empathy is not quantifiable like chocolate cake. Granted that our topic is difficult and significant, we can enjoy lighter moment—there is enough food to go around, but definitely not enough chocolate cake! Like food, there is enough empathy to go around, but it does not seem that way, because we have not been effective in driving out the obstacles to empathy such as aggression, hostility, bullying, and politics in the pejorative sense. 

As Lord Acton famously said, “Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” Granted, that corrupt leaders lacking integrity engage in abuses of power, is not new news. That super rich individuals and corporations form corrupt alliances with powerful politicians lacking integrity is called a lot of things – “oligarchy” is defined as the rule of the rich for the benefit of the rich; and “fascism” is defined as the rule of a military industrial complex pulling the strings of politicians at the expense of individuals and their well-being as citizens and their liberties. A new trail of tears comes forth based on fear and intimidation. 

The political authorities argue, the current situation is an emergency, an invasion, a crisis that requires setting aside the rule of law. An early version of capitalism that rejects win-win participation and business innovation is privileged over creating a clearing for a rising tide, which raises all boats (to continue to riff on the lifeboat theme with a slogan from Ronald Regean). It is hard not to get cynical. Setting aside the rule of law—what?—so that the President can accept $400 million gifts from a foreign power in direct violation of the US Constitution. Granted this is a single example, it speaks volumes. A strange emergency indeed!

In the face of this, empathy proposes to speak truth to power. Changing the metaphor: while bureaucracy may need to be trimmed back from time to time, like forest management that burns the underbrush with a controlled burn, less it spawns an even bigger forest fire that burns down the nearby city, we are now seeing an uncontrolled burn. Entire departments serving the citizens are summarily laid waste jeopardizing emergency responses to tornadoes, national security, scientific innovation, foreign aid to allies and would-be friends, basic education, and business entrepreneurship. Key term: uncontrolled burn (credit to Garret Smith for calling my attention to this). It has happened that a controlled burn of the forest under brush got out of hand and resulted in a major forest fire. This is a description of the so-called Department of Government Efficiency’s (Doge’s) approach to cost cutting. Uncontrolled burn. My take – who else’s would it be?—is that the cost cutting “wizards” are undertaking an uncontrolled burn. Think: slash and burn.

What Musk (hereafter “M”), Stephen Miller (Deputy White House Chief of Staff) and John Vought do not point out is that empathy does not work with bullies or abusers, who will take whatever vulnerability you may exhibit and use it against you. This is also the case with anti-social personality disorder—individuals with a defective conscience who struggle to tell right from wrong, though without interviewing M, one has no way of knowing M’s or any individual’s mental status. One possibility is that the individual is projecting his own unreliable, defective empathy onto the community as an empathic defect. Many of those who lack empathy are hungry for it. If ever there was a disqualifying statement by a would-be administrator or leader, M’s soundbite is it. However, a further agenda lurks nearby.

Presumably a statement that “empathy is a weakness” would be a justification of the unempathic “slash and burn” bullying methods of the unelected puppet masters at Doge [pronounce: “dog”], the so-called US Department of Government of Efficiency—remember them?—showing up at the IRS and Social Security offices and so on and demanding to see confidential citizen data and/or seemingly randomly sending employees home (“firing” them).

In the face of bullying, a critical and rigorous empathy sets limits, establishes boundaries, pushes back against attempts to control, dominate, and manipulate, and speaks truth to power. One must not overlook the power of top down, cognitive empathy in thinking like one’s opponent in order to overcome him. “Top down,” cognitive empathy is detailed in Mikah Zeno’s Red Team! (Basic Books 2015) according to which taking a walk in the other’s shoes (the folk definition of empathy) provides advantages in relationships, business, politics, and building communities that are thrive on cooperation, communication, coordination, and inclusiveness. If one were looking for a short disqualifying reason to sideline unelected puppet masters such as M and fellow traveller Stephen Miller (see more on him on the South Poverty Law Project’s report on racism and anti-immigration hate groups), this is it. I leave it to the reader to figure out who is the puppet.

When the imagination is constrained to rule out every option except the narrowest, strictest self-interest, then the result is a scenario in which pain and suffering are going to be widespread and people are going to get hurt. Even those who do not suffer physical trauma will face confrontation with moral trauma. People are starting to wonder if, given the lifeboat scenario, they might indeed be better off in having gone down with the ship. However, this is not caused by (or the fault of) empathy—it is due to lack of imagination. If we human beings were not empathic (and compassionate, generous, kind), then we would not experience conflict, distress, trauma, in short, the breakdown of standard empathy in the face of empathic distress and the requirement for radical empathy. Now we will never know for sure whether Garrett Hardin was overcome by empathic distress or suffered from a clinical depression or both; however, it is a generally accepted fact that Hardin ended his own life by suicide. The first documented case of suicidal empathy?

We conclude with a positive proposal, on which I have repeatedly written and published: Teach critical thinking. This is the empathic educational moment. Absent a rigorous and critical practice of empathy, I am cautious about engaging current political clichés in a highly polarized political world and “rhetoric” in the negative sense. 

Critical thinking includes putting oneself in the place of one’s opponent—not necessarily to agree with the other individual—but to consider what advantages and disadvantages are included in the opponent’s position. Taking a walk in the Other’s shoes after having taken off one’s own (to avoid the risk of projection) shows one where the shoe pinches. This “pinching” —to stay with the metaphor—is not mere knowledge but a basic inquiry into what the Other considers possible based on how the Other’s world is disclosed experientially. That is what we have attempted to do here by engaging with the most rigorous version of the lifeboat dilemma, instead of a strawman. Critical thinking is a possibility pump designed to get people to start again listening to one another, allowing the empathic receptivity (listening) to come forth. 

In our day and age of fake news, deep fake identity theft, not to mention common political propaganda, one arguably needs a course in critical thinking (e.g., Mill 1859; Haber 2020) to distinguish fact and fiction. Nevertheless, I boldly assert that most people, not suffering from delusional disorder or political pathologies of being The True Believer (Hoffer 1953)), are generally able to make this distinction. 

On background, for Musk’s and Akman’s article and sound bite about empathy being a weakness, see:

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/what-is-suicidal-empathy-a-new-philosophy-promoted-by-elon-musk-and-bill-ackman/ar-AA23A86k?uxmode=ruby

And Musk’s sound bite with Joe Rogan – see: https://youtube.com/shorts/LWvOvgjNEds?si=GByQLE0yoFDyWtTr 

To be fair, Musk does not invoke the lifeboat scenario in the quoted statements; however, Musk and his would-be supporters have expounded at greater length on behavior in extremis as reported in the following CNN article, in which a simplified version of evolutionary psychology (not necessarily Musk’s) as the survival of the fittest, plays a leading role https://www.cnn.com/2025/03/05/politics/elon-musk-rogan-interview-empathy-doge/index.html  

A rigorous and critical empathy creates a safe zone of acceptance and tolerance within which people can inquire into what is possible—debate and listen to a wide spectrum of ideas, positions, feelings, and expressions out of which new possibilities can come forth. For example, empathy and critical thinking support maintaining firm boundaries and limits against actors who would misuse social media to amplify and distort communications. Much of what Jürgen Habermas (1984) says about the communicative distortions in mass media, television, and film applies with a multiplicative effect to the problematic, if not toxic, politics occurring on the Internet and social networking. 

The extension to issues of politics, climate change, and community struggles follows immediately. Insofar as individuals skeptical of empathy are trying to force a decision between critical thinking and empathy, the choice must be declined. Both empathy and critical thinking are needed; hence, a rigorous and critical empathy is included in the definition of enlarged, critical thinking (and vice versa). (Note that “critical thinking” can mean a lot of things. Here key references include John Stuart Mill 1859; Haber 2020; “enlarged thinking” in Kant 1791/93 (AA 159); Arendt 1968: 9; Habermas 1984; Agosta 2024, 2025.) 

In conclusion, a positive alternative to abandoning facts and skipping critical thinking is suggested by Bob Dylan’s song about empathy. One has to push off the shore of certainty and venture forth into the unknown. We give Dylan the last word (1965: 185): “I wish that for just one time / You could stand inside my shoes / And just for that one moment / I could be you” [.] 

UPDATE: [May 19, 2026]: What is suicidal empathy, a new philosophy promoted by Elon Musk and Bill Ackman? by Philip Wang: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/what-is-suicidal-empathy-a-new-philosophy-promoted-by-elon-musk-and-bill-ackman/ar-AA23A86k?uxmode=ruby

UPDATE: [Feb 19, 2026] “Christian’s against empathy aren’t who they think they are” by David French New York Times 2/19/20260: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/02/19/opinion/toxic-empathy-christianity-trump.html?unlocked_article_code=1.NVA.ZyT4.F2re9vN3X7w3&smid=url-share

References

Lou Agosta. (2025). Radical Empathy in the Context of Literature. Palgrave Macmillan. See especially Chapter 3: Empathy and its discontents.

__________. (2024). Empathy Lessons. 2nd Edition. Chicago: Two Pears Press. 

Hannah Arendt. (1952/1958). The Origins of Totalitarianism, 2nd Edition. Cleveland and New York: Meridian (World) Publishing, 1958. 

________________. (1968). Men in Dark Times. New York: Harvest Book (Harcourt Brace). 

Lisa Blankenship. (2019). Changing the Subject: A Theory of Rhetorical Empathy. Logan UT: 

Bob Dylan. (1965). Bob Dylan: The Lyrics: 1961–2012. New York: Simon and Schuster. 

Garrett Hardin. (1974). Commentary: Living on a Lifeboat. BioScience, Volume 24, Issue 10, October 1974, Pages 561–568, https://doi.org/10.2307/1296629

Jonathan Haber. (2020). Critical Thinking. Cambridge, MA: The MIT Press. 

Jürgen Habermas. (1984). The Theory of Communicative Action,Vol 1, Thomas McCarthy (tr.). Boston: Beacon Press. 

Eric Hoffer. (1953). The True Believe: Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements. New York: Harper Perennial. 

Immanuel Kant. (1791/93). Critique of the Power of Judgment, Paul Guyer and Eric Matthews (trs.). Cambridge: Cambridge UP, 2013. edition. 

Elon Musk. (2025). Sound byte on empathy: see: https://youtube.com/shorts/LWvOvgjNEds?si=GByQLE0yoFDyWtTr 

Elon Musk. (2025). About the interview with Joe Rogan on empathy: https://www.cnn.com/2025/03/05/politics/elon-musk-rogan-interview-empathy-doge/index.html

Southern Poverty Law Project. (2025). Garett Hardin: https://www.splcenter.org/resources/extremist-files/garrett-hardin/

Southern Poverty Law Project. (2025). Stephen Miller: https://www.splcenter.org/resources/extremist-files/stephen-miller/

Wikipedia: lifeboat ethics / ecologist Garret Hardin: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lifeboat_ethics

Wikipedia: Norman Borlaug : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norman_Borlaug

Acknowledgement: I appreciate William Ickes calling my attention to suicidal empathy, lifeboat ethics, and the issues around it, including current political debates. Bill is a deep thinker in all matters relating to empathy, social science, and contemporary community struggles. I am grateful for his feedback and friendship. The views expressed here are my own, albeit inspired by Professor Ickes.

Image credit: A photo of a lifeboat from the RMS Titanic: Wikimedia commons. 

UPDATE: (July 10, 2026): Gad Saad on Suicidal Empathy and Western Decline by Tunku Varadarajan: https://www.wsj.com/opinion/gad-saad-on-suicidal-empathy-and-western-decline-cdae269f?st=6zthGs&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink

UPDATE (June 1, 2026): The fire of stupidity cannot be contained by David French: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/05/31/opinion/communism-fascism-authoritarianism-democracy.html?unlocked_article_code=1.m1A.Pyzh.BK-x4_EJsbXH&smid=url-share

NOTE: This blog post, blog and all content were prepared by Lou Agosta without any use of Generative AI. None. The author has been a big fan of the em dash ever since “graduating” from a Smith Corona typewriter to a word processor. 

(c) Lou Agosta and the Chicago Empathy Project


[1] Garett Hardin: https://www.splcenter.org/resources/extremist-files/garrett-hardin/ UPDATE (12/02/2025): Another reason to avoid social media—yet we need to track the toxic insanity: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/maga-s-war-on-empathy-was-started-by-a-woman/ar-AA1Ru1tZ

Empathy and Greek Tragedy – Connecting the Dots

I can hear the laughter at the back of the auditorium – and indeed in the first row – a new definition of tragedy? You have got to be kidding!? Okay, maybe George Steiner (1963) or Christoph Menke (2009) already covered it – so send me the reference – in which case I modify my assertion to “an aspect of tragedy that may usefully be highlighted, foregrounded, and made the subject of further inquiry.” 


If one thinks about the characters in tragic dramas such as Oedipus, Creon, Agamemnon, Antigone, Jocasta, Orestes, and Electra, they do not seem to be particularly cowardly or slavish. The representation in theatre of the latter qualities of cowardice, etc. caused Plato to ban (“censor”) theatre from his ideal city-state in The Republic; but maybe something was lost in translation and cowardice is really hamartia (the fatal flaw(s) of the tragic hero). 

What does represent a common thread is that the protagonists (“heroes”) are survivors who become perpetrators (or vice versa) and they are brought low not only by the usual theatrical information asymmetries, boundary violations, and fatal acts of revenge, but by moral trauma. Moral trauma is someone who seems to have no other choice than to commit an integrity or boundary violation. 

What has been overlooked is the role of moral trauma.  Moral trauma is defined as the distressing emotional, behavioral, social, and sometimes spiritual aftermath of exposure to (including participation in) events in which a person’s moral boundaries are violated and in which individuals or groups are gravely injured, killed, or credible threat thereof is enacted (i.e., individuals are physically traumatized) (Litz et al 2009; Shay 2014).) The agent, is put in a double-bind, in which, whatever the action, innocent people are going to suffer and die. 

The double bind is created in diverse was. The double bind is created by information asymmetries (Oedipus does not know his biological parents, etc.); by conflicting laws of the family versus political authority in which Antigone is caught; by a curse in the form of sexual desire on the part of Phaedra for her step son, which, when revealed, even as a fantasy, represents a proposed boundary violation so immoral that the suggestion as thought itself requires punishment; by the commitment to a life of crime in support of Jason on the part of Medea that, once unleashed, is unstoppable (“might be hung for stealing a sheep as well as a lamb”); whether the best way to right a wrong inflicted on someone (Philoctetes), whose good will has now turned out to be indispensable, is to tell the aggrieved party the truth and risk rejection or try to trick the party into cooperating thereby performing a further perpetration; not knowing the future, an escaped slave about to be returned to slavey kills her baby to prevent her from being raised in slavey and is thwarted from then killing herself (Morrison’s Beloved). More pedestrianly, one decided on a last-minute change of plans and did not get on the airplane—or trolley car—that crashed–or, due to a last-minute change of plans, one did. The irreparability and irreversibility of catastrophe is a feature of a world infused with contingency. In literature this has a name. It is called “tragedy.” In such a world, radical empathy is an indispensable constituent in the project of finding one’s way forward through the fog of suffering to reconciliation and transfiguration of empathic distress into community and the possibility of fulfillment and satisfaction.

On further background for those who may need a review of the narrative, Oedipus is a survivor who is abandoned as a baby to die by his biological father but is rescued by a kindly shepherd, who foster him. Survivor. Learning of the Oracle that he will kill his father, Oedipus leaves home and unwittingly meets the biological father on his path of exile. An altercation occurs and Oedipus unwittingly kills the biological father, thus fulfilling the Oracle; but more significantly, the survivor now becomes a perpetrator. In the case of Antigone, the “double bind” is that she must either violate the laws of the family that require one bury one’s next-of-kin or violate the laws of the city that require one be a team player and defend the home-team against it’s enemies (who also happen to be next of kin). In moral trauma one is caught between a rock and a hard place – the devil and the deep blue sea. 

Clytemnestra and her boyfriend, Aegisthus. may be more problematic cases—and they initially show up like villains in their adultery and homicide and treachery. Yet Clytemnestra is a survivor. Agamemnon killed Clytemnestra’s first husband Tantalus and then married her, the distinction “consent” apparently not being readily available at the time. Tough crowd. Agamemnon had adulterous adventures while he was away at war, but his wife, Clytemnestra, firmly oppressed in the patriarchy, should not? This leads naturally, by way of free association, to the equally tough case of Medea. Medea is a kind of monster, though, I assert contra Plato, not a particularly cowardly one. One wonders what tragic spectacles Plato was attending. Even if these spectacles were the same ones with which the tradition makes one familiar, the argument can be made that denial is not the only and perhaps not even the optimal method of educational. Even if one swallows all the anachronistic refinements of a society built on slavery prohibiting the representation of slavery as subversive (of course it is, but for different reasons), there have still got to be better educational methods than denial. 

The confrontation with errancy (hamartia) on the part of individuals with whom one can imagine identifying—perhaps in one’s wildest dreams—and taking their place, leads to being grabbed by the throat and having one ‘s heart ripped out in pity and fear. The “fatal flaw” is usually not thought of as being both a survivor and a perpetrator, but it turns out to mean that too. That is the educational moment—that is the training—that is the therapy, if one may say so. It is rather like a spa treatment where one takes the healing waters and then drinks a double dose of a powerful purgative. One has to hold one’s nose as one’s bowels are loosened. Catharsis is different than preparation for a colonoscopy, but perhaps not by much. It is not a rational process—it is an educational and therapeutic one. The monstrous has an unexpected healing power (The Birth of Tragedy quoted in Schmidt (2001: 218))—if one survives the literary encounter with it in the literary artwork without succumbing to empathic distress.
 
This points immediately to Nietzsche’s answer to Plato’s banning of tragic poetry from the just city (the Republic), namely, that humans cannot bear so much truth (1883: §39): 
 
Indeed, it might be a basic characteristic of existence, that those who would know it completely would perish, in which case the strength of a person’s spirit would then be measured by how much ‘truth’ he could barely still endure, or to put it more clearly, to what degree one would require it to be thinned down, shrouded, sweetened, blunted, falsified.
 
And again, with admirable conciseness, Nietzsche (1888/1901: Aphorism 822): “We have art, lest we perish of the truth.” Here “truth” is not a semantic definition such as Davidson’s (1973, 1974) use of Tarksi (loosely a correspondence between language and world), but the truth that life is filled with struggle and effort—not fair—that not only are people who arrive early and work hard all day in the vineyard paid a full day’s wages, but so are people who arrive late and barely work also get paid a full day’s wages; that, according to the Buddha, pain is an illusion, but when one is sitting in the dentist chair, the pain is a very compelling illusion; not only old people get sick and die, but so do children. While the universe may indeed by a well-ordered cosmos, according to the available empirical evidence, the planet Earth seems to be in a local whorl in its galaxy where chaos predominates; power corrupts and might makes right; good guys do not always finish last, but they rarely finish first, based alone on goodness.  
 
So much for Nietzsche’s response. The answer of the tragic poets (e.g., Aeschylus, Agamemnon 173–181) provided even before the question is posed by Plato, is “learning through suffering” (pathei mathos). Note well this is consistent with Plato’s guidance not to celebrate examples (whether in Epic or in Tragedy) of cowardly, slavish, or devaluing actions (which Socrates famously denounces (Republic: 395a–396b)). But we humans seem to learn the hard way—in the college of hard knocks. The suffering takes on a life of its own. Literary fiction is the phantom-limb-pain of life. 

The learner is a survivor, who is in pain, but no corresponding reality of the missing limb exists, which limb, in being amputated, has become fictional. If the suffering is fictional, so perhaps is the therapy—write a poem, a tragedy, or tell a story. Life mutilates the individual, and, even if one gets through life relatively unscathed, one dies and the “celebrants” throw dirt in one’s face. Creon says “Alas. I have learned, unhappy as I am” (Antigone 1271–1272); but at that point Antigone is dead and Creon’s life is a ruin. The lesson is not for Creon, but for the audience (or reader). 
 
Yet this is not informational learning. The tragic protagonists (e.g., Antigone) cannot learn from her error, since she is crushed by it—yet the audience can. A hard lesson indeed. The double bind—disrespect the state or disrespect one’s ancestors—is to be caught between the proverbial rock and the hard place. That so many antidotes and answers to the pain and suffering are proposed, is itself evidence that the latter can readily slip loose from one’s mastery and control, which are predictably tentative and temporary, and ruin one’s day, if not life. For the audience knows the outcome, or at least sees it coming ahead of the protagonist. Yet the audience cannot use the knowledge to produce a different factual result—hence the need for alternative fictional methods. It is not like some specific error occurs that could be corrected through better intelligence or information—check the brakes on the Trolley so that they do not fail inopportunely—it is rather that no matter how much one knows, how carefully one assesses the risks of one’s action, the outcome is still uncertain and may even be disastrous. 

What kind of knowledge is that? The one certain piece of knowledge—death awaits. Yet it could be that from the audience’s perspective—the lesson is to dance in the chaos—dance in the uncertainty (so to speak)—between now and the ultimate un-over-comeable end of possibility. One double-checks the brakes, knowing full well there no guarantee exists, but that the checking is an expansion of control over uncertainty. With 20-20 hindsight, contingency starts to look like fate—that which, by definition, cannot be avoided; and yet daily counter-examples abound. A man named “John Silber” (1926–2012) is born with a birth defect—a mis-formed right arm that ended in an appendage like a thumb. Fate or rather contingency? Silber goes on to become a celebrated educator, University President, Kant scholar (which is how I got to know him), profiled on the front page of The Wall Street Journal (in the days of print journalism), and candidate for governor of Massachusetts. This was not a predictable result. Fate starts to look less constraining. The power to begin something new— “natality” as Hannah Arendt called it—new possibilities show a way forward.
 
The double bind is the source of tragedy, but is not alone sufficient to generate tragedy. For if one remains with the double bind, one gets “ruin and wreck,” not tragedy. For if one stays with the double bind, one gets “empathic distress.” One gets a form of insanity, not tragedy. One becomes a Philoctetes abandoned in pain and suffering, alone on an island for ten years before the return of Odysseus, Neoptolemus, and Hercules. The double bind presents a conflict but then requires that one not question the contingent framework of the conflict. Thus, the double bind is often kept in place, spinning in a tight unproductive circle, by a lack of imagination. Antigone does not think to act to claim sanctuary in the Temple of Hestia, virgin goddess of the family (which, of course, would be a different drama). The lesson? Write a poem—tell a story—use one’s imagination to brainstorm alternative possibilities—decline the constraining “set up” —embrace radical hope: “To hope till Hope creates from its own wreck the thing it contemplates” (Shelley 1820: 153; see also Lear 2008). 

In moral trauma one is no longer an agent in the full sense, which is one of the key hidden variable in classic tragedy—loss of agency. One’s agency is compromised by information asymmetries. Oedipus does not know who are his biological parents and he does not know that he does not know! One’s agency is compromised by inconsistent standards of behavior between the family and the political community, in which “cross fire” Antigone (and her family) are brought low. Now act! One is required to choose in the face of moral trauma—a choice one cannot make, that one ought not to have to make, but that, in any case, one is required to make. 
 
Our empathy for the agent starts out requiring a decision that no one should have to make. In classic tragedy, the individual is forced to make a decision that neither the agent nor anyone else is authorized to make. But that agent has to make it anyway. Doing nothing is also a decision, and people are going to die. This is the definition of a double bind—damned if one does, and damned if one doesn’t.  

Empathy is always empathy and radical empathy applies the same four aspects of relatedness—receptivity, understanding, interpretation, and responsiveness. Radical empathy emerges from standard empathy, when standard empathy breaks down, misfires, and/or fails in the face of empathic distress (including “burn out” or “compassion fatigue”). Empathic distress is itself a function of physical trauma, moral trauma, double binds, soul murder, and tragic circumstances that act to destroy possibilities of human flourishing, strength, aliveness, energy, and/or vitality. As a matter of definition, “soul murder” is defined by Henrik Ibsen’s John Gabriel Borkman (1896), as destroying (through emotional or physical abuse) the possibility of love, but is generalized here to include destroying the possibility of generating new possibilities (Shengold 1989). 

Radical empathy is attained when standard empathy honors the commitment to empathize in the face of empathic distress – the reaction on the part of audiences to circumstances in which tragic protagonists become entangled.This is empathy the “hard way,” and it is rare. However, no other way exists of attaining radical empathy than through empathy pure-and-simple—“standard empathy”—and much of the work accomplished here engages with the break downs of standard empathy as emotional contagion, projection, pressure to conform, and communications getting “lost in translation.” The repairs of these misfirings—and, it must be acknowledged, failures—of standard empathy lead the way to radical empathy. The transfiguration of moral trauma, double binds, and so on, by classic tragedies, work to overcome empathic distress, and, is on the critical path to performing and attaining radical empathy. 
 
Without standard empathy, the audience does not experience the pain and suffering of the struggling humanity in the story of the runaway trolley. Even if the experiences are vicarious ones, there is no pity and fear without empathy in witnessing the unavoidable conflict that tears apart the protagonists. However, if the viewer (reader) is able to sustain one’s commitment to empathy in the face of the breakdown of standard empathy into empathic distress, then the possibility of radical empathy opens up. Radical empathy has much to contribute here. 

A short description is that radical empathy relates empathically to that which causes empathic distress. Radical empathy relates to those decisions that no human being has the right to make, can make, or should have to make, but then ends up making anyway. Radical empathy reveals that one can be both a perpetrator and a survivor. Hence, the definition: the theatrical representation of moral trauma, double binds, and compromised agency, occasioning empathic distress, that calls forth the overcoming or amelioration of empathic distress by means of radical empathy for the survivor/perpetrator. Empathizing with such individuals and circumstances is why tragedy was invented.
 

References

Donald Davidson. (1973). Radical interpretation. In Inquiries into Truth and Interpretation. Oxford: The Clarendon Press, 2001: 125–139.

___________________. (1974). On the very idea of a conceptual scheme. In Inquiries into Truth and Interpretation. Oxford: The Clarendon Press, 2001: 183–198.

Henrik Ibsen. (1896). John Gabriel Borkman, tr W. Archer. New York: Project Gutenburg e-Book, 2006.

Jonathan Lear. (2008). Radical Hope. Cambridge, MA: 2008.

B. T. Litz, Stein N, Delaney E, Lebowitz L, Nash WP, Silva C, Maguen S. Moral injury and moral repair in war veterans: a preliminary model and intervention strategy. Clin Psychol Rev. 2009 Dec;29(8):695-706. doi: 10.1016/j.cpr.2009.07.003. Epub 2009 Jul 29. PMID: 19683376.

Christoph Menke,, (2009). Tragic Play., tr James Phillips. New York: Columbia University Press. 

Friedrich Nietzsche. (1883). Thus Spoke Zarathustra, R. J. Hollingdale (tr.). Baltimore: Penguin Press, 1961.

________________. (1888/1901). The Will to Power, R. J. Hollingdale (tr.). New York: Vintage, 1968.

Dennis Schmidt. (2001). On Germans and Other Greeks. Bloomington: Indian UP.

J. Shay, (2014). Moral injury. Psychoanalytic Psychology, 31(2), 182-191. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0036090

Leonard Shengold. (1989). Soul Murder Revisited: Thoughts About Therapy, Hate, Love, and Memory. Hartford: Yale UP. 

Percy Bysshe Shelley. (1820). Prometheus Unbound in Selected Poetry: Percy Bysshe Shelley, Harold Bloom (ed.). New York: Houghton-Mifflin (Signet Classic Poetry), 1968: 120–212. 

George Stein. (1963). The Death of Tragedy. New York: Alfred Knopf. 

IMAGE Credit: Wikimedia: Painting from an ancient Corinthian vase. Ajax falls on his sword in the presence of his colleagues, Odysseus and Diomedes. The short stature of Odysseus is a well-known Homeric feature. These vases are black-figured; the heroes are painted in silhouette on the red ground of the vases. Their names are appended in archaic Greek letters. Artist from ancient Corinth; public domain; between circa 800 and circa 480 B.C.; drawing published 1911.

(c) Lou Agosta, PhD and the Chicago Empathy Project

Radical empathy is now a podcast!

Listen to the podcasts on Spotify: 

Radical empathy is empathy defined as the practice of empathy that remains committed to empathizing in the face of empathic distress. Once again, it must be emphasized—and empathized—that one does not necessarily know one’s limits in dealing with trauma until they are tested in experience. Here are the three key distinctions between standard and radical empathy. 1. Radical empathy processes empathic distress whereas standard empathy is stopped by it. 2. Empathic distress is reliably occasioned and caused by physical trauma, moral trauma, soul murder, double binds, Trolley-car-like dilemmas (to be defined further)), and diverse tragic circumstances that are hard, if not impossible, to capture in standard uses of words and language. 3. Radical empathy is required when one or both of the would-be empathic partners is both a survivor and a perpetrator (which itself points to empathic distress). Given these three invariables, both standard and radical empathy share empathic receptivity, empathic understanding, empathic interpretation, and empathic responsiveness. I repeat: standard and radical empathy share receptivity, understanding, interpretation, and responsiveness. The differentiator is what happens with empathic distress. When one or more of these aspects of standard empathy breaks down or misfires, the repair or overcoming of the breakdown reliably presents the possibility of transforming standard into radical empathy. Radical empathy is not for the faint of heart, and instead of an image of puppies, the above painting, by Caravaggio, is a portrait of Medusa, whose hair was transformed into snakes, turning to stone (paralyzing) all those who met her and looked at her in person. If you are confronting trauma, be sure to bring your radical empathy.

Read / Listen to (subscribe to) this blog and A Rumor of Empathy on Spotify for further updates on radical empathy. 

Short summary of episode one: This episode on Radical Empathy – what it is and why it is important – is the first in a series inquiring into radical empathy, what it is or whether it is just a rumor; how radical empathy differs from standard empathy; how radical empathy and everyday, standard empathy overlap and the dynamics of their interactions; how radical empathy makes a difference in situations when standard empathy breaks down and fails; and how the listener can expand his or her empathic skills, getting power over empathy and apply empathy in one’s lie, relationships, career, family, in the individual and in community.

The occasion for this podcast series on radical empathy is the publication of my new book Radical Empathy in the Context of Literature (April 2025 from Palgrave Macmillan). The suggestion is to have your local community or university or institute library order a copy. They have budget for these things and one can save a couple of dollars. This work on Radical Empathy contains many examples of empathy, both standard and radical, that are eye opening and engaging in their lessons for empathy and life.

Order books on empathy by Lou Agosta on empathy by searching for “Lou Agosta” and “empathy lessons” on your favorite online book source or click on this shortened URL: https://shorturl.at/gsGal

Image art credits: QWERTY, oil paint on board by Alex Zonis (AlexZonisart.com); The Shadow of Empathy (Doll Heads) by Alex Zonis (AlexZonisart.com; Head of Medusa by Caravaggio (Gallery of the Uffizi (Florence, Italy)) from Wikimedia Commons.

Empathy alone is not going to fix this thing, and it might help you get into action: empathic defects, unelected puppet masters, and the uncontrolled burn

That little voice inside that is quietly telling you “You do not make a difference” is not your friend. High probability that voice is a hostile introject based on whatever it is that you had to survive – unreliable empathy, bullying teachers, problematic parenting, or out-and-out boundary violations and trauma. It must be the first target of transformation – that is, a conversation for possibility with a trusted other, including, but not limited to, a therapist. However, it (the voice) could also just be a bad habit. Don’t believe everything you think!

The recommendations in a world of tips and techniques for dealing with dis-regulated emotions and feelings of anxiety after looking at the news, include:

  • Give up: “My actions do not make a difference.” This a copout and got us into this mess in the first place. Here is the ultimate criteria: what would it take, if the political situation really deteriorates and the USA becomes a third world dictatorship (unlikely but possible) for you to be able to say that you at least had done something against the flood tide of troubles? What would it take? 
  • Dial down the guilt, and yet: You had not even written your Congressman or donated ten dollars to your preferred political party or representative. You had not even voted (?), and if you’d don’t vote, then you don’t get to complain about the result. Of course, that does not stop the complaining! Make a resolution to do better – and follow through. Put a reminder in your scheduler!
  • Step back from the news temporarily – that is why the off button was invented – check the headlines at most twice a day and not after (say) 8 pm if one goes to bed at 10 pm – if the world ends we are gonna hear about it – the news one needs finds you.
  • Take some action – attend a town hall, express your concern in a civil way over coffee about community (including political) developments to your friends and frenemies of varying views – write congress – write every senator (as I did) using the web form (https://www.senate.gov/senators/senators-contact.htm) – or at least call or write the Senators and Representatives from your home state – donate to a worthy cause of interest – whether on the left or right. Whether your action makes a difference or not, one result is you will feel better [high probability].
  • Put your stress and struggle into your day job – hopefully you still have one! Put your suffering into your work – expand your productivity. 
  • Other stress reduction activities – spa treatments (cost money) such as massage, time in a sensory deprivation tank, swimming, yoga, tai chi, martial arts. Notice that what many of these things have in common is that they are activities that get one out of one’s head, have a calming effect on the body, and  leave person feeling good, enhancing mood and spirit. Note that empathy is also on the short list of stress reducers, including getting a good listening form a committed listener who is able to provide a gracious and attentive ear.
  • You may say that the previous two bullets do not make a difference to the community’s predicament. However, they do. One cannot be effective if one is too anxious to take action. Whether or not your action is a silver bullet and produces a breakthrough in the community, as noted above, one result of your action is that you will feel better and that you have done something to make a difference (high probability). 
  • With practice, one gets good at rhetorical empathy: speaking truth to power. The best short example of this I can find is Malcom-X’s statement to the mostly African American audience around Thanksgiving: “You did not land on Plymouth Rock; Plymouth Rock landed on you!” Malcolm’s zinger got a lot a Amens and knowing laughter, for it concisely expressed and gave back to the listeners the experience of struggle and accomplishment of the community. 
  • A longer example of rhetorical empathy (Blankenship 2019) is Bob Dylan’s early comments on climate change: “Come gather ‘round people / Wherever you roam / And admit that the waters / Around you have grown / And accept it that soon / You’ll be drenched to the bone / If your time to you is worth savin’ / Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone / For the times they are a-changin’”(1965: 81)

Defective empathy: A certain multi-billionaire advisor to the White House (hereafter known as “M”:) says empathy is a defect of western civilization. Key term: defect. Presumably we should cancel it to avoid becoming uncivilized? (For the sound byte see: https://youtube.com/shorts/LWvOvgjNEds?si=GByQLE0yoFDyWtTr ). Of course, lack of empathy is a short definition of “uncivilized,” and more on that shortly. This is a sound byte; however, M has expounded at greater length as reported in the following CNN article:

https://www.cnn.com/2025/03/05/politics/elon-musk-rogan-interview-empathy-doge/index.html

What M did not point out is that empathy does not work with bullies or abusers, who will take whatever vulnerability you may exhibit and use it against you. This is also the case with anti-social personality disorder – individuals with a defective conscience who struggle to tell right from wrong, though without interviewing M, one has no way of knowing M’s or any individual’s mental status. One possibility is that the individual is projecting his own defective, unreliable empathy onto the community as an empathic defect. If ever there was a disqualifying statement by a would-be administration, M’s soundbite is it.

Presumably a statement that “empathy is a defect” would be a justification of the unempathic “slash and burn” bullying methods of the unelected puppet masters at Doge [pronounce: “dog”], showing up at the IRS and Social Security offices and so on and demanding to see confidential citizen data and/or seemingly randomly sending employees home (“firing” them).

In addition, one must not overlook the power of top down, cognitive empathy in thinking like one’s opponent in order to overcome him. “Top down,” cognitive empathy is detailed in Mikah Zeno’s Red Team! (Basic Books 2015) according to which taking a walk in the other’s shoes (the folk definition of empathy) provides advantages in relationships, business, politics, and building communities that are thrive on inclusiveness. Notwithstanding M’s assertions of support for humanity, empathy is usually interpersonal, one-on-one, and, according to the report on CNN and Joe Rogan interview, we are unlikely to get any empathy from this guy. If one were looking for a short disqualifying reason to sideline unelected puppet masters such as M and fellow traveller Stephen Miller (see more on him below), this is it. I leave it to the reader to figure out who is the puppet. 

To say that empathy is defective is like saying that carpentry is defective because Roman soldiers used hammers and nails to execute criminals and political prisoners by crucifying them. Like every human knowledge and capacity, empathy can breakdown, go astray, and go off the rails as projection, emotional contagion, conformity. communications getting lost in translation. You wouldn’t be any good at mental arithmetic if you didn’t practice it. Though vastly different than arithmetic, empathy requires practice and improvements based on learning from one’s mistakes. 

Unelected puppet masters: As regards Stephen Miller, a common name, the reference is to the Deputy White House Chief of Staff. According to the Southern Poverty Law Project, which tracks hate groups: “Stephen Miller is credited with shaping the racist and draconian immigration policies of President Trump, which include the zero-tolerance policy, also known as family separation, the Muslim ban and ending the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) program. Miller has also “purged” government agencies of civil servants who are not entirely loyal to his extremist agenda, according to a report in Vanity Fair” [. . . .] In response to seeing photos of children being separated from their parents at the U.S. border with Mexico as a result of the zero-tolerance policy, an external White House adviser, in a Vanity Fair report, said, “Stephen actually enjoys seeing those pictures at the border” (see: https://www.splcenter.org/resources/extremist-files/stephen-miller/). On further background, in case you haven’t heard of the Southern Poverty Law Project, these are the guys (attorneys) who were wearing bullet proof vests while going to the trial(s) that bankrupted the KKK (granted hatred is a many-headed monster and some version was reborn).

The uncontrolled burn: What are you talking about? This is a description an approach to cost cutting. As in forestry, the forest rangers sometimes undertake a “controlled burn” to clear away the underbrush that accumulates and might result in a truly catastrophic forest fire – for example, an uncontrolled forest fire that burns down a whole town or suburb. It has rarely happened that a controlled burn got out of hand and resulted in a major forest fire. This is a description of the so-called Department of Government Efficiency’s (Doge’s) approach to cost cutting. Uncontrolled burn. My take – who else’s would it be? – is that the cost cutting “wizards” are undertaking an uncontrolled burn. Think: slash and burn. 

It will be purely accidental if major damage does not occur before a combination of judicial, legislative, and law enforcement actions puts the brakes on this run away trolley car (which seems to have lost its brakes). In other words, what we are seeing in the daily drumbeat of extralegal, illegal, and provocative executive orders is an uncontrolled burn. Unfortunately, unless the citizens step up and communicate with their legislators at a volume and degrees we have not yet seen, we will know the burn is uncontrolled when social security checks to get deposited/mailed; a major terrorist attack (God forbid!) on the scale of Sept 11 occurs because law enforcement is chasing undocumented workers with families who have lived here for decades; another pandemic due to gutting the CDC and FDA. Another negative scenario (please do not shoot the messenger) is that worldwide tariffs contribute significantly to triggering another Great Depression as occurred with the Smoot-Hawley tariffs of 1930. I am cynical enough to think that is what some misguided individuals in the current administration in Washington, DC, are trying to accomplish for their own misguided reasons. [The trade fight worsens: https://www.wsj.com/economy/trade/trade-war-explodes-across-world-at-pace-not-seen-in-decades-0b6d6513?mod=hp_lead_pos3 ]

Regarding Social Security Administration (SSA), it is widely know (but perhaps not widely enough) that social security is a self-funded retirement plan operated by the US Government. People pay money into the trust fund in the form of social security taxes on their earnings; and the same people are entitled to get money out at retirement age. So no one is giving anyone charity or welfare here. It is a further challenge that the fund has become something of a political football through creative accounting, which has used it to subsidize the overall budget. Though I hope a breakdown of the SSA does not occur, if it does, and payments are missed, the howls across this nation will be loud enough to hear in the deepest bunker in government. We seem to be heading in that direction: https://tinyurl.com/2v85hwdr [SSA under stress – a lot of stress]

The challenge with social networking (e.g., Facebook (FB)) is that an inaccurate statement gets multiplied a hundred times, a thousand times, a hundred thousand times and a million times. Back in the days (1776-ish) of Sam Adams Committees of Correspondence, it took five days for a letter to to get from New York to Philadelphia. One had time to think about the consequences of one’s proposed actions.If one said “The British are combining!” and they were not coming, then one had time to correct one’s errors and minimize the damage. 

With social networking, there is something about the anonymity, fake neutrality, and misleading disinterestedness that stand in strong contrast to previous media channels. Radio and television as used by FDR (President Franklin D Roosevelt) and Hitler (master-minded the killing of millions of people; the good guy and the bad guy!), but, when a falsehood was stated, one could eventually figure out who uttered it. With the proliferating fake identities of social media, the entire context becomes fake. As Mark Zuckerberg is reported to have said of FB: “We are no longer fact checking.” I take that to mean: A new sign over the Facebook portal: “Abandon facts all ye who enter here”? Like the inscription over the entrance to Dante’s version of hell.

Critical thinking going forward: Let us conclude with a positive proposal: Teach critical thinking. This is the empathic educational moment. Absent a rigorous and critical practice of empathy, I am cautious about engaging current political clichés in a highly polarized political world and “rhetoric” in the negative sense. 

Critical thinking includes putting oneself in the place of one’s opponent—not necessarily to agree with the other individual—but to consider what advantages and disadvantages are included in the opponent’s position. Taking a walk in the Other’s shoes after having taken off one’s own (to avoid the risk of projection) shows one where the shoe pinches. This “pinching” —to stay with the metaphor—is not mere knowledge but a basic inquiry into what the Other considers possible based on how the Other’s world is disclosed experientially. Critical thinking is a possibility pump designed to get people to start again listening to one another, allowing the empathic receptivity (listening) to come forth. 

In our day and age of fake news, deep fake identity theft, not to mention common political propaganda, one arguably needs a course in critical thinking (e.g., Mill 1859; Haber 2020) to distinguish fact and fiction. Nevertheless, I boldly assert that most people, not suffering from delusional disorder or political pathologies of being The True Believer (Hoffer 1953)), are generally able to make this distinction. 

A rigorous and critical empathy creates a safe zone of acceptance and tolerance within which people can inquire into what is possible—debate and listen to a wide spectrum of ideas, positions, feelings, and expressions out of which new possibilities can come forth. For example, empathy and critical thinking support maintaining firm boundaries and limits against actors who would misuse social media to amplify and distort communications. Much of what Jürgen Habermas (1984) says about the communicative distortions in mass media, television, and film applies with a multiplicative effect to the problematic, if not toxic, politics occurring on the Internet and social networking. 

The extension to issues of politics, climate change, and community struggles follows immediately. Insofar as individuals skeptical of empathy are trying to force a decision between critical thinking and empathy, the choice must be declined. Both empathy and critical thinking are needed; hence, a rigorous and critical empathy is included in the definition of enlarged, critical thinking (and vice versa). (Note that “critical thinking” can mean a lot of things. Here key references include John Stuart Mill 1859; Haber 2020; “enlarged thinking” in Kant 1791/93 (AA 159); Arendt 1968: 9; Habermas 1984; Agosta 2024.) 

In conclusion, a positive alternative to abandoning facts and skipping critical thinking is suggested by Bob Dylan’s song about empathy. One has to push off the shore of certainty and venture forth into the unknown. We give Dylan the last word (1965: 185) : “I wish that for just one time / You could stand inside my shoes / And just for that one moment / I could be you” [.] 

References

Lou Agosta. (2024). Empathy Lessons. 2nd Edition. Chicago: Two Pears Press. 

Hannah Arendt. (1952/1958). The Origins of Totalitarianism, 2nd Edition. Cleveland and New York: Meridian (World) Publishing, 1958. 

________________. (1968). Men in Dark Times. New York: Harvest Book (Harcourt Brace). 

Lisa Blankenship. (2019). Changing the Subject: A Theory of Rhetorical Empathy. Logan UT: 

Bob Dylan. (1965). Bob Dylan: The Lyrics: 1961–2012. New York: Simon and Schuster. 

Jonathan Haber. (2020). Critical Thinking. Cambridge, MA: The MIT Press. 

Jürgen Habermas. (1984). The Theory of Communicative Action, Vol 1, Thomas McCarthy (tr.). Boston: Beacon Press. 

Eric Hoffer. (1953). The True Believe: Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements. New York: Harper Perennial. 

Immanuel Kant. (1791/93). Critique of the Power of Judgment, Paul Guyer and Eric Matthews (trs.). Cambridge: Cambridge UP, 2013. edition. 

(c) Lou Agosta and the Chicago Empathy Project

Image Credit: Wikimedia: Peter Trimming: ‘The Scream’ – geograph.org.uk – 3200603.jpg / Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0

Unreliable Parental Empathy in Henry James’ “What Maisie Knew”

Henry James provides a dramatic picture of unreliable and defective parental empathy. What Maisie Knew(1897) begins as a contentious divorce between Beale and Ida Farange is granted by the court. And, lacking the wisdom of Solomon (admittedly a rare quality), so is the custody of the child. The narrative is an inquiry into how the child is cut in half emotionally, and the consequences who she becomes as a person. Maisie is about six years old, and is to spend six months with each parent. As the story begins, each parent wants to take Solomon’s sword and use it on the other partner. Lacking a sword, they use Maisie. Or, expressed slightly differently, the parents are playing “hard ball” and Maisie is the ball. 

James’ incomparable empathy with Maisie and his penetrating and astute comprehension of human relations writ large applies empathy in the extended sense as who people are as possibilities, walking in the other’s shoes (after, of course, first taking off one’s own to avoid projection), translating communications between adults and children (and adults and adults) as well as affect-matching and mis-matching (empathy in the narrow sense). James’ work aligns with the concise classic statement “On adult empathy with children” by Christine Olden (1953). When encountering a child, according to Olden, the adult is present to her or his own fate as a child of similar age. The encounter brings up the adult’s issues even if the child does not have such an issue and has other, unrelated issues. The adults expand their empathy by getting in touch with these issues and taking care that they not get in the way of their openness and responsiveness to the child. That, of course, is far from the case with the adults presented in James’ narrative. For example, in encountering Maisie, Mrs Wix (one of the governesses) is present not only to her own fate as a child, but to the fate of her (Mrs Wix’s) child, who was killed in a tragic traffic accident when she was about Maisie’s age. Mrs Wix reaction to her loses, including her own genteel poverty, is to embrace a scrupulous conventional morality that mainly constrains her (Mrs Wix), but which will also eventually impact Maisie. The parents, Beale and Ida, are nursing their grievances and elaborating their hostility to one another, as noted above, using Maisie. The prospective step-parents, Sir Claude and Miss Overmore (Mrs Beale), who eventually emerge, are a definite improvement in empathic responsiveness to Maisie. However, the bar is now set so low that is not saying a lot and the process of de-parenting and re-parenting does not succeed as the narrative ends due to Sir Claude’s unresolved marital status and Maisie’s own painfully acquired knowledge of how to play “hard ball” with the grown-ups. 

As James’ novel begins, Maisie’s parents have already spent whatever financial resources they had as the divorce court enjoins Beale (the father) to return the 2500 pounds sterling to his former wife, which money, as noted, seems already to have been spent; Ida (the mother) is living off her looks, by the middle of the story, consorting with exceedingly unattractive rich men (Mr Perrin); Mr Faranago is doing the same with an American “Countess” of Color, who is described as having a mustache and it otherwise painted in terms of an appalling racist stereotype (definitely not James’ best moment). They are doing this for money. As Jems’ novels end, the one person of integrity – and it is narrowly scrupulous morality at that (people who are married should not move in with people to whom they are not married, even if the marriage is emotionally over (though not legally over)) – is Mrs Wix, whose inheritance (we learn towards the end) was stolen by a relative and, as the story of Maisie ends, has some slight hope of getting it back with the guidance of Sir Claude, who has heretofore not been particularly effective at anything except wooing an attractive, supposedly rich lady (Masie’s mother) who turned out not to be so rich and not so attractive if her personality is taken into the account.  That noted, let us take a step back.

Children of tender age will repeat what is told them by way of a performance as if reciting a nursery rhyme, not appreciating the ramifications of the statements in the adult world. The reader is given a sample of misbehavior on the part of both parents. At this point, Maisie is six years old (p. 9). Her mother asks her:

‘And did your beastly, papa, my precious angel, send any message to your own loving mamma?’ Then it was that she found the words spoken by her beastly papa to be after all, in her little bewildered ears, from which, at her mother’s appeal, they passed, in her clear, shrill voice, straight to her little innocent lips, ‘He said I was to tell you, from him, she faithfully reported, ‘that your’re a nasty, horrid pig!’ (p. 11)

The way the parents use and, strictly speaking, misuse Maisie to send one another insulting, arguably abusive, messages marks both as loathsome individuals. These parents are easy to hate. The parents are verbally abusive towards one another, and abusive towards Masie in enrolling her in delivering invalidating messages on their behalf to one another. The text is packed with instances of inadequate, substandard parenting. The text is thick with examples of defective empathy, unreliable empathy, and even fiendish empathy. Breakdowns of empathy such as emotional contagion, projection, conformity, and communications lost in translation, are so pervasive as to make the text a veritable compendium of what parents ought not to do. 

Maisie is reduced to a tool, and indeed even in Henry James’ skillful literary hands is something of a guinea pig in the jungle of parental incompetence and ethical conformity. The saving grace of James’ fictional study is that such scenarios, bordering on and perpetrating emotional abuse, are all too common – in his time and ours. The advantages of a fictional account is that it enables imaginative variations and thought experiments; and one is not going to get sued for slander, which is a risk even if the alleged “slander” is accurate and based on factual evidence.

The examples of Maisie’s parents are why 21st Century divorce judges begin proceedings by issuing a binding court order that the parents are not to speak ill of one another in front of the child nor have the child deliver messages to one another. I do not know the judicial practices in 1897. What I do know is that in 1897 divorce was less common and more scandalous in contrast with today when divorce is common and the scandals are single parent families, fatherless children, and domestic violence against women and children. We also know that the patriarchy was much more severe in times past (nor does that excuse today’s problems). Consider the cases of Anna Karenina (Leo Tolstoy, 1878) and Effi Briest (Theodor Fontane, 1895), who were prevented from seeing their children by spouses who were aggrieved, wielding ethical cudgels to separate mother and child. Yet even in our own time such legal injunctions are hard to enforce in cases where the parent is bound and determined to create mischief. Anecdotal reports from the trenches indicate that divorce judges are swamped with cases of physical abuse and inevitably give lower priority to bad verbal behavior, which can still be quite destructive to young, still maturing personalities.

Taking care of this child of tender age requires time and effort (all of which cost money) and each parent is eager to send Maisie to the other to inflict this cost on the despised former spouse. The child becomes an extension of the parent, like the narcissistic extension his or her own hand, the very definition of defective empathy, which leaves the child vulnerable to emotional disequilibrium, a kind of empty depression, and breakdowns in the child’s own empathy. The violation of the moral imperative to treat other people as ends in themselves and not mere means aligns with the parents’ retributive attitude, manipulative behavior, and (it must be said) pathological narcissism. Maisie becomes a mere means of the parents to inflict abuse on one other. While lonely and neglected, Maisie makes use of “auxiliary parents” such as an interested and engaged governesses and step parents (all of whom have their own conflicts of interest to maintain a measure of hope and perky positivity in the face of recurring disappointments delivered by the supposed adults in her world. Now in the context of the narrative, the governess, Miss Overbeck, is romantically interested in (and eventually marries) Maisie’s father; but Miss Overbeck also takes a sincere interest in Maisie. If Miss Overbeck is faking her interest in Maisie, it is an academy award winning performance. As in most areas of life, conflicting and overlapping interests are what make James’ narratives so powerful and thought provoking.

The matter almost immediately goes beyond James’ penetrating and engaging narrative. And that is relevance of James for us today. In our own time of fragmented and blended families, who does not know of an example where former spouses are at risk of speaking ill about one another? (It happens to married couples too!) The question is what happens when the affection or hostility are not expressed but nevertheless powerfully present, so to speak, percolating up from beneath the surface. That the emotions are not expressed means that they remain “unthought” as far as thinking using words is concerned. When Maisie’s father tells her, “Your mother hates you,” what does Maisie know about her mother and/or her father? The former spouses routinely refer abusively to their ex-partner in the presence of the child (as James calls her) in devaluing terms (p. 141) – “pig,” “nasty” person, “ass,” and so on. 

When another person tells one something, then one has to decide whether to believe it or not. A whole course in critical thinking may be unfolded and inserted here. In particular, the child is  motivated to believe the parents, because most decent parents tell the child the truth in age appropriate language, establishing a track record. Still, life events such as divorce, the birth of a sibling, major illness, or death of a family member, introduce incentives and emotional conflicts that distort communications and create parental integrity outages. Even in such examples, and this is the really interesting case, the child is incented to “go along with the program” – that is, what is represented as the truth about the life and family circumstances – because the parent provides meals, clothing, transportation, education, and entertainment, all of which are essential to the child’s well-being and immediate happiness. Still, while the child is constrained to “go along with the program” that does not mean the child always believes the outlandish assertions of the dominating parental authorities. Just because the child goes along with the parent’s fibs does not mean that the child always believes what she is told. You can’t fool all the people all of the time. 

For example, at about the same time as James was writing his work, there was a precocious five-year-old – articulate, funny, witty, cute – living in Vienna to whom was born a baby sister. When he asked his parents from where the sister came (he was not quite sure a sister was such a good idea), the parents told him the stork brought it. At that point the boy’s behavior deteriorated, hough the connection and timing was overlooked by the parents, because of their own blind spots. The well-behaved boy threw temper tantrums, developed a phobia which made it difficult to take him out of the house, and regressed to baby-like behavior and talk. His father had a conversation with someone who was innovating in human development (Freud 1909). The coaching was – stop lying to the kid and tell him about from where babies come – tell him about the birds and bees. Recovery was prompt – though there were other challenges in the relationship between his parents. 

The point? Children often know that they do not have all the facts and being dependent on their parents for their well-being the children decide it is best to conform. (Key term: conform.) They accept what they are told, subject to their own observations. The boy in question, anonymously known as “Little Hans,” had access to the lake where the storks were living and he saw the storks, but there was a noticeable absence of human babies (Freud 1909). Young scientist! Astutely observant, Hans concluded that his parents account was a fabrication. In short, they were lying to him about from where babies came. Unable to express himself in adult (scientific) language with the counter-example produced by his own observations down by the lake, Hans acted out. His behavior deteriorated. His behavior expressed his disagreement and his suffering, In short, he “knew” his folks were lying to him, rather in the sense that Maisie “knew” matters were not well with the representations offered by the adults in her environment. 

Thus, the one parent says, “Your father is loathsome.” The other parent says, “Your mother is loathsome.” Unlike the story about the stork, both of Maisie’s parents are speaking the truth! Yet even in uttering what is a factually accurate statement, there is a larger integrity outage confounding circumstances for the child. It is the job of the parents to take care of the whole child, and they seem not even to have the idea what is the “whole child” and how to do their job. Yes, of course, the child’s material needs, but also the child’s emotional development, education, and sense of being an effective agent, even if only in age appropriate, childish matters. That is profoundly missing here. In such a context, the factually accurate words are a lie. 

In the case of Maisie, what might be called intrusive interruptions – and the pediatrician psychoanalyst D. W. Winnicott calls “impingements” – in her childhood tasks of precisely being allowed to be a child of tender age, learning her school lessons, playing with children of a similar age, and holding tea parties with her dolls and stuffed animals – occur as the grown ups treat Maisie like a grown up. Her nursery attendant tells her: “Your papa wishes you never to forget, you know, that he has been dreadfully put about” (p. 10). This is the paradigm of defective empathy, for it attempts to induce in the child what papa was experiencing, yet does so in way that blames the child – points an accusing finger at her – for the “dreadful” inconvenience papa is suffering because of shared child custody. The child’s job is to learn her school lessons, play with her dolls, have bed time story time and lunch time and bath time, and visit with her peers (of which Maisie seems to have none), not to understand legal custody proceedings.

In general, when confronted with incompetent parenting, the child will (1) try to “fix the parent” so the parent can do her/his job (of taking care of the child), (2) conform, or (3)act out (see Little Hans, above). For example, the child will try to cheer up the depressed mother by putting on a happy smiley face, being perky, winsome, in the face of the mother’s self-invovled funk and indifference. The middle school or pubertal child will quote positive things said by friends about the parent. The child will try to placate the neglectful, abandoning, or angry father by being apologetic, giving agreement, being submissive, promising “I’ll be good!” The child may have no idea what is bothering the grown up – financial challenges, health issues, sexual frustration, or relationship breakdowns that a child of tender age cannot possibly comprehend. The child may act out – if an adolescent, defy social conventions – if a child of tender age, regress and lose toilet skills and wet the bed. The child will experience difficulties – experience sleep and eating disorders or throw temper tantrums. The child has limited skill in expressing her or his feelings verbally and/or understanding parental issues, so the child will invent meaning. “If only I were better at academics, sports, socializing, doing chores, then my mother and/or father would be happy (and be able to take care of me in such a way that I can be happy too).” “If only I had done my chores, my folks would not be getting divorced” – and this after both parents have repeatedly assured the child that she or had nothing to do with the family breakup. 

In the narrative, mamma enacts a similar impingement and calls forth a “try to fix her” response in Maisie. Papa has already used the same words: 

You’ll never know what I’ve been through about you – never, never, never. I spare you everything, as I always have [….] If you don’t do justice to my forbearing, out of delicacy, to mention, just as a last word, about your stepfather, a little fact or two of a kind that really I should only have to mention to shine myself in comparison and after every calumny like pure gold: if you don’t do me that justice you’ll never do me justice at all.

Maisie’s desire to show what justice she did her had by this time become so intense as to have brought with it an inspiration (p, 161)

In response, Maisie tries to cheer up her mother – tries to “fix” things by acknowledging her mother with the complimentary description of Ida (mamma) provided by The Captain, a prospective romantic interest of mamma with whom Maisie had a conversation. The Captain had paid her (mamma) many credible compliments, saying beautiful, kind things about her, which helped Maisie feel genuine affection for this difficult individual, Maisie’s mamma. Maisie tries to acknowledge her mamma using the Captain’s kind words. It does not work. “Her [Maisie’s] mother gave her one of the looks that slammed the door in her face; never in a career of unsuccessful experiments had Maisie had to take such a stare” (p. 164). James compares the impact on Maisie to a science experiment that goes horribly wrong, producing something disgusting instead of the expected elegant result. The mother then has a temper tantrum. Maisie (who is now estimated to be the age of a middle school student) survives this scene of “madness and desolation,” “ruin and darkness,” and, after mamma’s departure, goes off and smokes cigarettes with Sir Claude. 

As noted, Winnicott describes this scene of fear and defective empathy, “…[T]he faulty adaptation to the child, resulting in impingement of the environment so that the individual [the child] must become a reactor to this impingement. The sense of self is lost in this situation and is only regained by a return to isolation” (Winnicott, 1952: 222; italics added). Maisie is definitely isolated, and she suffers greatly because of it. The parent takes the child as his or her confidant as if the child were an adult, “Let me tell you what your father said.” “Let me tell you what your mother did.” Even when the content of the statement is relatively benign, the tone with which it is uttered – and that is the moment of defective empathy – causes the listener to imagine a kind of outrage, boundary violation, or integrity outage. This other must be the very devil!

In the case of What Maisie Knew, both parents are explicitly hostile towards one another and, if not hostile towards Maisie (though that too emerges), at least neglectful and manipulative. Arguably, in making Masie the means of their abuse of one another, the parents are also abusing her. However, what about the case, perhaps more common in our own supposedly psychologically advanced time, where the parent is hostile, but following the court order, the parent does not express it. What happens then? That of course goes beyond James’ narrative, but points to its relevance for our own challenges and struggles. 

On a positive note, if the abusive language is not performed, then it is not in the space. In so far as children are designed to conform to the guidance of their parents – even when they do not fully believe or trust them – so much negativity is removed from the space. Well and good – at least there is nothing to present in court when going before the judge. You will never hear me say that it is better to use the abusive language for then one knows where one stands with the other person. There are many other, better, ways of figuring out where one stands with the other such as comparing words and deeds, confronting one’s own introspective empathy, or simply asking the other person or other significant actors in the environment. It is just that the child’s ability to do these things is still developing and may be inadequate to the task (a problem that less skilled adults (and there are many) may also face). The hostility does not appear on the surface, which gives the appearance of a calm and placid body of water; yet a rip tide may lurk beneath the surface, capable of pulling one down.

At this point, it is useful to take a step back and consider how our consciousness is populated with many voices and many actors. An example of an “internal object” (actually more of an agent) would be a conscience that “tells” the person about the rightness of a prospective or accomplished behavior or speech act. The first internal object, the conscience (“superego”) is formed, thanks to the mechanism of identification with the aggression (about which more shortly). The conscience can become a hostile introject along other internal objects such as images of the parents, mentors, and positive complexes such as generosity, compassion, and empathy. The proposal is that the difference between parents who are explicitly assaultive in their speech acts and those who bottle up the hostility, which then leaks out in indirect forms, shows up in the quality of the internal introject. In the first case, the introject is more hostile, harsher but easier to distinguish from the authentic self; in the second case, the introject is more benign, but not necessarily harmless, and yet harder to distinguish from the authentic self. 

If one could truly cancel all the hostility – not just try to keep it down – but truly extirpate it, then it would become an idle wheel and not move any part of the behavior or thinking of the agents in question. But would the hostility then exist anymore? It would be unexpressed, because it really and truly were sublimated into a poem or work of art. That is the issue – is there ever such a thing as unexpressed hostility? This is not a problem that Maisie’s parents have – their problem is that they are embracing the hostility, elaborating it, making it their project. The damage (including to the parents) is substantial. In contract, when the hostility is unexpressed, but still lurking beneath the surface, it may not be unexpressed forever. Betrayal oozes at every pore. empathy is active here too, in a kind of regressive mode, and gives off hostile vibes, aggressive vibes, even if one’s words as sweet as honey. “Would you like another piece of cake?” Is spoken with such a tone of venom that one suspects the cake might contain arsenic. The tone is the moment of empathy (or, more precisely, the unempathic moment) in which one gives off a kind of negative affect, a hostile vibe, in spite of one’s sweet or benigh words. In addition, it is just as common for hostility which is not verbally expressed to be displaced or expressed indirectly in behavior and deed. With advance apologies to pet lovers, the boss bullies the employee and the employee goes home and kicks the dog. The hostility is present but displaced. 

As Maisie’s papa gets ready to leave for American to attend to the business affairs of his new, rich consort, the princess, further unreliable empathy. He makes an invitation to Maisie to accompany him to America. This is “out of the blue,” without context or assurances as to how Maisie will be taken care of, and the offer is fake. Why fake? Because he really does not want her along, nor does she really want to go, even though she says with enthusiasm and e=repeatedly “I will follow you anywhere.” It is clear the adventure is not going to happen:

She [Maisie] began to be nervous again; it rolled over her that this was their parting, their parting forever, and that he [papa] had brough her there for so many caresses only because it was important such an occasion should look better for him than any other [….]It was exactly as if he had broken out to her: ‘I say, you little donkey, help me to be irreproachable, to be noble, and yet to have none of the beastly bore of it. There’s only impropriety enough for one of us; so you must take it all (p 138). 

Naturally, the child has to go along with what the parent tells her or him. The parent has the power to provide meals, transportation, shelter and entertainment, though, in this case, none are offered.

The cost and the impact of the lack of integrity and empathy (and adaptation in general) of the parents to the child is the creation of a false self. Maisie pretends to be dumb. The trouble is that faking being dumb risks actually being dumb in a “fake it till you make it” moment. Her formal education is already neglected and in tatters. Now in the context of James’ narrative, Maisie never loses her cognitive acumen, though she gets called invalidating names such as “idiot” and “donkey” by her elders, which must have a damaging impact on her self-esteem.

Here James is the master psychologist ahead of his time, giving the reader an inside case history on the production of what, as noted, D. W. Winnicott came to describe as “the false self.” On background, Winnicott is the pediatrician who became a celebrated psychoanalyst, surviving an analysis with James Strachey, Melanie Klein, who was himself fortified intellectually by one his most famous (indeed infamous) students and colleagues, Masud Kahn. Without going into psychoanalytic politics, let’s just say that Winnicott’s ideas of the transitional object, virtual play space of creativity, and the false self are among the most enduring and time-tested contributions of child analysis. 

At risk of over-simplification, the false self is constructed in order to protect the true self, the source of spontaneity, satisfaction, fulfillment, beginning something new (as Hannah Arendt would say), and creativity. The false self is designed to help the individual survive the impingements of caretakers whose empathy is faulty. Here “empathy” is understood in the extensive sense of the parent’s willingness and ability to adapt to the requirements of the maturing child. The child is an end in her- or himself and not an extension of the parent’s narcissism, which narcissism reduces the child to the role of fulfilling the parents’ unmet needs in their own lives. Unhappy the child who must compensate for what is missing in the parents’ own lives. Most children will try to do so, making reparation for another’s incompletenesses, conforming to the felt requirements of the parent. How do you think that is going to work for the child?

Maisie’s authentic self takes shelter, hides, behind the false one and preserves the hope of someday being able to be expressed and have a satisfying life of her own, but in the meantime Maisie is able to get the secondary gain of frustrating her parents is using her to hurt one another. Maisie acquires the “know how” required to survive by manipulating the manipulators. The cost is enormous, but it protects one from the impingements of the powerful, malevolent forces in the unempathic environment:

The theory of her stupidity, eventually embraced by her parents, corresponded with a great date in her small, still life [….] She [Maisie] had a new feeling, the feeling of danger; on which a new remedy rose to meet it, the idea of an inner self, or, in other word, of concealment. She puzzled out with imperfect signs, but with a prodigious spirit, that she had been a centre of hatred and a messenger of insult, and that everything was because she had been employed to make it so. Her parted lips locked themselves with the determination to be employed no longer. She would forget everything, she would repeat nothing, and when, as a tribute to the successful application of her system, she began to be called a little idiot, she tasted a pleasure altogether new. When therefore, as she grew older, her parents in turn, in her presence, announced that she had grown shockingly dull, it was not from any real contraction of her little stream of life. She spoiled their fun, but she practically added to her own (p. 13; see also p. 54 on “the effect of harmless vacancy”; see also p. 117 on deep “imbecility”).

The child lives into – and unwittingly lives up to – the devaluing description and expectations made of her. Maisie makes the best of a bad situation and has fun spoiling the fun of other (which “fun” seems to be the mutual insults of and gossip about the parents). But the cost is substantial. James’ calls out a masochistic moment here in which, as the proverb goes, one cuts off one’s nose to spite one’s face. Caught in the cross fire, in an attempt to find a way between the rock and the hard place, Maisie consults a potential ally. Miss Overmore (the governess initially employed by her mother, but who eventually marries her father) has conflicts of interest of her own but in this moment functions as an honest broker. Maisie’s mother tells her to tell her father that he is a liar and Maisie, who is maturing, asks her governess if she should do so:

‘Am I to tell him?’ the child [Maisie] went on. It was then that her companion [Miss Overmore] addressed her in the unmistakable language of a pair of eyes deep dark-grey. ‘I can’t say No,’ they replied as distinctly as possible; ‘I can’t say No, because I’m afraid of your mamma, don’t you see? Yet how can I say Yes after your papa has been so kind to me, talking to me so long the other day, smiling and flashing his beautiful teeth at me the tie we met him in the Park, the time when, rejoicing at the sight of us [….]The wonder now lived again, lived in the recollection of what papa had said to Miss Overmore: ‘I’ve only to look at you see that your’re a person to whom I can appeal to help me save my daughter.’ Maisie’s ignorance of what she was to be saved from didn’t diminish the pleasure of the thought that Miss Overmore was saving her. It seemed to make them cling together (p. 15). 

What Maisie does is she keeps quiet. She isolates – plays dumb. All the worse, the mother initially prevents Miss Overmore from accompanying Maisie when the rotation to the father’s turn to take care of her occurs. The child is afraid of being abandoned – not taken care of – not provided for. Miss Overmore is taking caring of Maisie educationally and emotionally. Miss Overmore is banished (at least at this point). The child is “invisible”: “Maisie had a greater sense than ever in her life before of not being personally noticed (p. 107).

As the novel progresses, mamma is stricken with a dreaded but unspecified disease and her life is limited by illness even as she consorts with men who have money. As noted, Papa is bound for America. Sir Claude (who has not been properly introduced here but is a kind person who marries Maisie’s mother and genuinely likes Maisie) ping pongs between England and Paris as Sir Clause learns of a letter in which Papa (Mr Beale) deserts Mrs Beale (Miss Overmore, now Sir Claude’s lover). “You do what you want – and so will I” type of arrangement. Sir Claude is still married to mama (Ida Farange), and in the gilded age that is the scandal. Sir Claude cannot live with a woman married to someone else (according to the standard conventions of the time). There is something indecent about Sir Claude taking up with Miss Overmore while still technically married to Ida. Key term: indecent. 

The novel itself has an unthought, regarding the conventions circa 1897 about adult sex outside of marriage and within marriage with other partners. Sir Claude’s is a person who does not  speak unkindly of anyone. He is kind, albeit a chain smoker, which is perhaps a way of binding his underlying anxiety. He is  happy to have been given permission to do what he wants by his wife (Ida, Masie’s mother) provided she gets similar permission to consort with whoever she wishes. Without a formal divorce, this leaves Sir Claude compromised in terms of conventional moral standards (which were much stronger in such matters in 1897 than in 2024). 

We fast forward though Maisie’s lessons in cynicism, playing “hard ball,” the integrity outages of her parents and step parents, and instruction from another of her governesses, Miss Wix, in a rigorous sense of conventional morals. As the story ends (spoiler alert!), Maisie practices a kind of hardball. “I will give up Mrs Wix if you will give up Miss Overmore – and we will go off together to Paris,” Maisie proposes to Sir Claude. Both governesses are to be thrown “under the bus,” which does have a certain narrative symmetry and symbolizes Maisie’s gorwing up. 

Thus, Maisie tries to seduce Sir Claude, who, as noted, is the handsome if ineffective 2nd husband of her mamma. “Everyone loves Sir Claude,” everyone except his wife (Maisie’s mama). After marrying mamma, Sir Claude falls in love with Miss Overmore (who has since married Papa). Maisie proposes that she will give up Miss Wix if Sir Claude gives up Miss Overmore. That is the “seduction.” There is a certain amount of back-and-forth negotiation, but it is clear this is never seriously considered by Sir Claude. He would be willing to be in Maisie’s life, but is committed to living near Miss Overmore (Mrs Beale) in France (who are notoriously loose regarding marriage boundaries) so Sir Claude and Miss Overmore can continue their romance. Maisie (as directed by the author, James) takes the moral high road, and returns to England with her strict governess Miss Wix to a life of genteel poverty and “moral sense,” which means conformity to conventional moral behavior. 

The empathic moment for Maisie is, who is she as a possibility? This is an aspect of empathy that is sometimes overlooked in the conversations about affect matching, projection, and communications lost in translations – who is the person as a possibility. For example, I meet someone is who struggling with alcohol abuse or, in this case, with quasi-abusive, neglectful parents. That is not who the person is authentically as a possibility. The abuser of alcohol is the possibility of overcoming that she is drinking because of unresolved trauma, low self-esteem, or other specific issue, which when surfaced and worked through allow the person to write the great American novel, join Doctors without Borders, or start a family. 

So, once again, who is Maisie as a possibility? First of all, she is a survivor of being “caught in the cross fire” of a nasty divorce and being raised in its shadow. Anyone proposing to give Maisie a good listening might find themselves responding to her empathically saying, “You may usefully know yourself as a survivor.” By the end of the narrative, as Maisie goes off with her governess, Miss Wix, it far from clear that is the case. So while Maise learns a lot about cynicism, hardball, interpersonal invalidation, perpetrations, and emotional intrigue, she does not yet know herself as a survivor. 

Using James’ other female figures as a foil for who is Maisie as a possibility, maybe she becomes a kind of Kate Croy (as in James’ Wings of a Dove) scheming to get married to get someone else’s fortune upon their passing away. Maybe Maisie becomes Maggie (as in The Golden Bowl), sacrificing herself to the happiness of others and simultaneously validating the appearances of conventional morality. Or perhaps she becomes a Miss Overmore, a governess educating other people’s children in French grammar and romantic intrigues with the master of the house. Alternatively, Maisie becomes a governess such as Mrs Wix, not mourning the loss of a daughter, but the loss of her own possibility of satisfaction by means of a scrupulous morality, a reaction formation to the loose standards of her own parents and step parents. As the narrative concludes, the latter is the probable almost certain future. A sad ending indeed. 

There are many moments of affect matching (and mismatching) in James. There are many moments of communications lost in translation. These are empathy lessons in the sense that if one “cleans up” the miscommunication (restore understanding, then empathy emerges between the communicants. There are many examples of projection in – the parents especially are projecting their hostility onto one another and indeed everyone in the environment. Withdraw the project and authentically be with the other person and empathy comes forth. This does not happen to the parents, but the step parents (with whom Maisie is prospectively “re-parented”) move in that direction. Does Maisie become Kate Croy, Maggie (albeit without all the money), or even a version of her own mamma, seeking her fortune (literally) in association with a series of men of varying degrees of unattractiveness The opportunities for women are appallingly limited. Maisie’s education has been neglected as she has been shunted back and forth between parents. Even when she is de-parented from her biological ones, and Sir Claude and Miss Overmore (Mrs Beale) come together and propose to take care of her, the promise of educational lectures is short-circuited by lack of a revenue model. They can afford some lectures targeting working class folks at the equivalent of the public library, but university level preparation (which, at that time, requires Greek and Latin) seems a high bar. The disappointing, even demoralizing (in the sense of inspiring a righteous indignation), results are a reduction to absurdity of the constraints of standard morality. There is no need for James explicitly to have intended such a message, but it is not hard to find it in him, consistent with an agenda that treats women as full human beings, social actors, and agents with full political and financial rights (which was definitely not the case in James’ Gilded Age). 

James’ novels often end on a conventional note, even if his embrace of convention is a reduction to absurdity of convention. When Maisie sees her parents nasty divorce, relatively rare in 1896 as compared with our own time, and the musical chairs of changing partners with Sir Claude and Miss Overbeck (Mrs Beale), is it any wonder that Maisie embraces conventional morality and partners with Mrs Wix, a standard governess who has lost a daughter that would be about Maisie’s age? As noted above, when Mrs Wix is in the presence of Maisie, she (Mres Wix) is in the presence of her lost daughter, which presents an obstacle to her being with – that is, empathizing with – Maisie. Instead Mrs Wix goes to morality (not inconsistent with empathy, just different than it) and her advocacy with “moral sense.” At this point, James’ incomparable empathy gives way to crafting a writerly conclusion, which engages and reduces conventional morality to absurdity.

Much ink has been spilt on whether James’ endings are endorsed by him. Happy endings are rare in the real world, and if one considers death to be unhappy, then they never occur. Never. However, endings where the protagonists act conventionally are realistic in the sense that people often conform to conventional moral standards – which is why it is called “convention.” 

A deeper level of integrity coincides with doing what is conventional in James’ Wings of a Dove. Maggie returns to her unfaithful husband, Prince Amerigo, doing what is superficially conventionally requires. The arguably “deeper” integrity of Maggie’s self-sacrifice for the happiness of the poor couple (the husband and his original love interest) is hard to understand  under the draconian laws of the patriarchy, by which the unfaithful husband has control of Maggie’s financial fortune. Maggie decides to “fund” his unfaithfulness to her in a magnanimous gesture of self-sacrifice (but does she really have a choice?) based on the romantic notion that his love for his prospective bride from their days of mutual impoverishment was the “real thing.” There is no way that life has to look, and it will turn out the way that it turns out. 

In a different context and narrative, Lambert Strether (The Ambassadors) honors his word in the most superficial sense, returning to America presumably to acknowledge that, though Chad returns to Woollett, he (Strether) tried to convince him not to do so, requiring the engagement of other ambassadors, and forgoing his (Strether’s) own possibility of happiness with Marie, which would have required him explicitly to break his word and not return. Thus, doing the conventionally “right thing” is the wrong thing from the perspective of a personally satisfying outcome. 

In the background is the pervasive issue of what is the revenue model? Who has the money? Kate Croy and Merton Denscher are engaging in a confidence scheme to get Milly Theale’s fortune (she has a fatal disease). Denscher is belatedly overcome with integrity (and Kate’s refusal to have sex with him to confirm the shady deal), not conventional conformity, but actual remorse. It cancels his affection for Kate, who poverty previously prevented him from marrying. Unless one thinks Milly’s bequest is a “guilt trip” designed to punish Denscher (which it might be, but probably not), and not a genuine gift to someone Milly loved, a case can be made that the non-conforming thing to do would be to “take the money and run (to the bank).” Here the layers of ambiguity and uncertainty really do send the participants (and readers) spinning (Pippin 2000: 66), and no reason exists to believe an unambiguous “right answer” is available. In the Golden Bowl, Maggie has the money, until she doesn’t, and that makes all the difference. 

That Maisie turns out with standard level neuroses, acting out an Oedipus complex, even if cynical and seductive in a way conventionally appropriate for women of the Gilded Age, and not psychotic, is a tribute to the secure attachment she experienced from her early nurse, Moddle, all of which must have occurred prior to the beginning of the narrative.

Bibliography

S. Freud. Analysis of a Phobia in a Five-Year-Old Boy. The Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud 10:1-150

Henry James. (1897). What Maisie Knew. New York, Penguin Classics, 2007.

Christine Olden. (1952). On adult empathy with children. Psychoanalytic Study of the Child 8: 111–126. 

Robert Pippin. (2000). Henry James and Modern Moral Live. Cambridge: Cambridge UP.

Winnicott, D. W. (1952). Psychoses and child care. In D. W. Winnicott (1958).

Collected Papers. London: Tavistock Publications.

Empathy Lessons, 2nd Edition, is now available as an ebook…

The release of the ebook version of Empathy: Lessons ,2nd Edition, coincided with a major astronomical event – the total solar eclipse that traversed North America on Monday April 8, 2024. The gods are watching and winking at us humans to encourage expanding our empathic humanism! 

Empathy is oxygen for the soul (see Chapter 6: Evidence-based empathy training). So, if you are short of breath due to life stress, get the expanded empathy delivered in this book. Just as the body needs oxygen to live physically, the soul needs empathy to live emotionally. Most people are naturally empathic, but the cynicism and denial needed to survive everyday life drives empathy away. Remove the obstacles to empathy and empathy naturally develops and grows. That is the empathy lesson in a nutshell without all the guidance and practice needed to succeed. Find out how to take your empathy to the next level.


In addition to all the features of the First Edition—a readiness assessment for empathy, tips on overcoming resistance to empathy, evidence-based empathy training, empathic techniques of stress reduction, applications to dealing with bullying, healthy well-being, and capitalism—the enlarged Second Edition includes new chapters on rhetorical empathy in politics, the limitations of empathy (and what to do about them), and an expanded chapter on empathy as a lens on love and romance. Not to be missed!

The empathy lessons include how—
To perform a readiness assessment; establish a set up for success in cleaning up inauthenticities that block empathy so that empathy can expand and flourish;

Empathy is not an “on–off” switch but a tuner (a dial) that expands or contracts in accessing the vicarious experience of the other person;

Empathy works as a method of data gathering about the other person, providing a vicarious experience of the other person without being flooded by the experience;

Introspection, vicarious experience, listening to one’s own “voice over” and radical acceptance are the royal road to empathic receptivity;

Empathic receptivity overcomes emotional contagion, creating a set up for clear communication of feelings and experiences;

Empathic understanding overcomes conformity and enables shifting out of stuckness into contribution, transformation, and leadership, including satisfying and flourishing relationships;

Empathic interpretation overcomes projection and is the folk definition of empathy, walking in another’s shoes, adding “top down” empathy to “bottom up,” empathic receptivity;

Empathic responsiveness drives out anger and rage, acting as a soothing balm to suffering and emotional upset, deescalating conflict and aggression;

Scientific, peer-reviewed, evidence-based research confirms that empathy reduces inflammation and stress;

Relationships get “weaponized” in bullying and, coming from empathy, how to overcome bullying, reestablishing boundaries: recommendations to students, teachers, administrators on how to stop bullying (including cyber-bullying) and promote empathy;

“Corporate empathy” is not a contradiction in terms, “CEO” now means “chief empathy officer,” and empathy is now the ultimate “capitalist tool”;

In rhetorical empathy, the speaker’s words address the listening of the audience in such a way as to leave the audience with the experience of having been heard. The speaker articulates the experience the audience is hiding harboring in their hearts yet have been unable to express.

To expand empathy, start with and stick with integrity and authenticity – start with creating a safe space of acceptance and toleration. Fake in; fake out. Empathy is based on integrity and being straight with the other person to and with whom one is trying to relate.

Decline the choice between empathy and compassion, between expanding empathy and fighting and reducing the empire of prejudice, imperialism, the pathologies of capitalism, and violence. 

Some have tried to force a choice between compassion and empathy. The world needs both more compassion and expanded empathy.

My colleagues and friends are telling me, “Louis, you are sooo 20th Century – no one is reading hard copy books anymore! Electronic publishing is the way to go.” Following my own guidance about empathy, I have heard you, dear reader. The electronic versions of all three books, Empathy Lessons, 2nd Edition, Empathy: A Lazy Person’s Guide, and A Critical Review of a Philosophy of Empathy – drum roll please – are now available. 

Feeling like you are thrown “under the bus” again and it’s getting crowded under there? Get the empathy you need to fight back and flourish in this book. Get expanded empathy here!

Order from author’s page: Empathy Lessons, 2nd Edition: https://tinyurl.com/29rd53nt

Order from author’s page: Empathy: A Lazy Person’s Guidehttps://tinyurl.com/29rd53nt

Order from author’s page: A Critical Review of Philosophy of Empathyhttps://tinyurl.com/29rd53nt

Read a review of the 1st edition of Empathy Lessons – note the list of the Top 30 Empathy Lessons is now (2024) expanded to the Top 40 Empathy Lessons: https://tinyurl.com/yvtwy2w6

Read a review of A Critical Review of a Philosophy of Empathyhttps://tinyurl.com/49p6du8p

Empathy Lessons, 2nd Edition, Cover art by Alex Zonis (Memory Bocks: Shimon")

Above: Cover art: Empathy Lessons, 2nd Edition, illustration by Alex Zonis, original oil paint on board, entitled “Memory blocks: Shimon”

Empathy: A Lazy Person's Guide Cover Art by Alex Zonis, illustrator/artist
Empathy: A Lazy Person’s Guide Cover Art by Alex Zonis, illustrator/artist

Order from author’s page: A Critical Review of a Philosophy of Empathyhttps://tinyurl.com/mfb4xf4f

Cover art by Alex Zonis

Above: Cover art: A Critical Review of a Philosophy of Empathy, illustration by Alex Zonis

In conclusion, let me again say a word on behalf of hard copy books – they too live and are handy to take to the beach where they can be read without the risk of sand getting into the hardware, screen glare, and your notes in the margin are easy to access. Is this a great country or what – your choice of pixels or paper!?!

(c) Lou Agosta, PhD and the Chicago Empathy Project