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Part Two: Empathy: Spa Treatment for the Soul: Against Stress

This is Part Two of the series on how empathy relates to reducing stress as a “spa treatment for the soul.” In order to understand empathy as a kind of antidote to stress, it is important to know the enemy – in this case, stress. Therefore, this discussion lays out the distinctions that help us understand what makes stress, well – stressful. The third and final part (due out in about a week will then bring it all back home with the evidence-based research on the stress reducing and well-being promoting properties of empathy and a set of related practices.

Listen to Parts 1 and 2 of the blog posts as a podcast on Spotify –

(Note this is not a transcript but a different performance of the same context as the text.)

Stress and inflammation: Some is good, too much is not

As my Grandma Laura understood implicitly (and as detailed in Part 1), stress reduces the body’s immune defenses. The person becomes vulnerable to disease. What is less well understood is how the body responds to social stress; and what the heck is “social stress” anyway? 

We will precisely define all kinds of stress in the next section, but, for the moment, social stress is stress related to competition and conflict between people, who are trying to live together in a human community. 

The body responds with an immune response, because social stress seems to simulate the attack of something coming at the person and the person’s body from the outside such as an infectious agent like a virus or bacteria. The immune system response to the perceived stress results in inflammation, which, in turn, aggravates emotional and psychosomatic disorders. The challenge is to connect the dots between stress, inflammation, physical diseases, emotional disorders, and then intervene with empathy to interrupt this negative cycle. 

“Social stress” is a feature of life for people who have to work and live with other people, which, excepting a few hermits, is all people. Social stress includes the struggle and effort that people confront in careers, relationships, finances, scheduling, and sustaining emotional equilibrium.Social stress occurs in divorces, misbehaving kids, unemployment, adultery, and bankruptcies. Social stress occurs in the competition and aggression between people and groups such as bullying, office politics, stranger danger on the streets, and a host of interpersonal conflicts and pressures too lengthy to list here. 

We have been using the word “stress” as if we knew what it is; and we do know a lot about stress from first-hand experience. Stress is a distressing part of life. Stress is di-stressing. Literally. Chronic stress is a pervasive challenge. However, the complete absence of stress is not an option. The complete absence of stress means you are dead—or at least in a persisting vegetative state. Not good. 

Social stress is a substantial issue in attaining and managing physical and emotional well-being. It is no surprise that empathy has a significant role to play in shifting out of the stress with which the person is stuck and struggling. Let’s define our terms. 

Stress comes in five forms

We use the word “stress” too casually as something to be avoided at all costs. As noted, we forget that zero stress means you are dead, a situation one generally tries to avoid. Yet engaging with stress is, well, stressful. Let us define “stress” and do so precisely by enumerating its different forms. 

Stress comes in at least five forms: 

(1) Acute, time-limited stressor: For example, public speaking is “an acute, time-limited stressor.”[i] When asked “What do you fear the most?” death comes in second place on the list. Number one is public speaking. People for whom public speaking is a stressor feel better as soon as they are able to step down from the podium. In contrast, for those who train as speakers and performers, the stress of speaking can act as a positive stimulant. If a trained speaker does not feel a touch of “butter-flies” in the stomach, prior to a performance, that is considered a bad sign. Such people get worried if they do not experience some stress; because they know the stress will provide them with the extra energy they need to deliver a compelling performance. Thus, stress has a wholesome, healthy dimension when it gets people “on their best game.”

(2) A personal, life defining challenge: People facing a crucial, life defining examination, such as the Bar Exam in law or Medical Boards, experience acute stress. This is different than “stage fright” in that it is not public. Yet one is being tested, judged, and evaluated by those in authority. The risk is of not looking good or not acquiring the required professional license. Still, the stress is time limited. Once it is over, pending a favorable outcome, the stress is noticeably reduced. Once again, some stress in anticipating the exam is useful in providing an incentive to prepare. 

(3) Naturalistic stressors: Different kinds of natural or social events such as death of a family member, loss of a job, or divorce are stressful. These can be highly stressful; yet in every case, a definite end point exists that one can try to imagine. Mourning lasts about a year. People find other jobs. People meet new partners. 

Many of the rituals surrounding the death of a person to whom one is close are designed to facilitate the process of working through the stress. Wakes and funerals, when they function as designed, are calculated to evoke stories about the loved one, and the accompanying tears and laughter serve to process the loss. The storytelling itself is the empathic moment, making present a response in the form of acknowledgement and recognition of the life of the lost loved one. 

(4) Trauma as such: An event in the past that “lives on” emotionally such as the experience of war or rape is stressful. Even if the trauma is separated from the present by a significant interval of time, the stressor may live on. The person may experience and re-experience the trauma as intrusive thoughts, recurring nightmares, blunted affect, amnesia, avoidance, an exaggerated startle response, and so on. In short, criteria for post trauma stress disorder (PTSD) are satisfied, whether or not they rise to a clinically relevant level. This is chronic stress that does not quit. 

The treatment of choice for stressors related to traumatic events that keep coming back and live on is described as “exposure.” The survivor is supposed to do that which he is least inclined to do: expose himself to the trauma again (but now in a controlled and gradual way), redescribing the upset imaginatively or vicariously. In redescribing the experience in relevant detail, the unintegrated emotions and feelings are given a chance to be re-experienced and integrated. The trauma shrinks. Do this repeatedly and the trauma shrinks repeatedly, little-by-little, step-by-step. The trauma becomes manageable, which means it stops being traumatic. 

One gets one’s power back in the face of the upset whereas previously the event was an intrusive, monster-like interruption that one was trying to escape without noticeable success. For example, in eye movement desensitization routine (EMDR), the focusing on the back-and-forth movement of the light sequence or the therapist moving a baton, binds the patient’s attention (and potential fear) while he recalls, talks about, gives an account of, sometimes merely thinks about, and re-experiences the trauma in a non-traumatic, or at least trauma reducing, way. An entire account of trauma and recovery is implied here, and for further details the interested reader is referred to the relevant literature on trauma. [ii]

This is where empathy comes into its own as an intervention. What is often overlooked in accounts of such exposure-directed interventions is that, unless the re-experiencing is undertaken in the context of an empathic relatedness, it is like dental work without Novocain. Some patients who are hurting enough and courageous enough may stick with it; but many will just make other arrangements (such as drinking alcohol to excess), not come back, and continue to struggle in stuckness. The empathic relatedness provides the survivor with the empathic connectedness needed to risk diving again back into the emotional dimension of the trauma (which has previously been held at arms’ length), knowing that he can reconnect empathically with the facilitator to regain his emotional equilibrium. 

(5) Long term stressors: Long term stressors are ones with no defined or obvious end in sight. Examples of long term stress include caring for a loved one who has a progressive, degenerative disease such as Alzheimer’s; suffering from a life-threatening or serious chronic disease oneself; loss of one’s home, that is, becoming homeless; being employed significantly beneath one’s educational level on a long-term basis; financial ruin due to illness or criminal behavior (think of Bernard Madoff’s Ponzi scheme that financially destroyed many middle class lives); legal troubles; growing up being African American in states where racially motivated lynchings occurred (or arguably, growing up African American anywhere in America); being a refugee or immigrant and a stranger in a strange land. 

For example, the United Nations estimates that between (Q3 2017) and Q4 2022 the number displaced persons, refugees, in the world has increased from 60 to 108.4 million. Refugees are under extreme stress. In all of these cases, the stress is chronic and long term. The symptoms may or may not rise to the level of clinical post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD); or the person may find other ways of responding to the distress and expressing the suffering. Self-defeating behavior, behavioral disorders, substance abuse, promiscuous unprotected sex with different partners or other forms of acting out, allergies, chronic hard-to-diagnose intermittent headaches, backaches, asthma attacks, irritable bowl, hard-to-diagnose chronic pain, and so on, are common. 

Relatively fewer extreme examples such as social isolation, long term loneliness, low socio-economic status (poverty), being the target of repeated bullying, are less immediately destructive of one’s humanity. Yet the cumulative stress entailed is substantial. 

From a completely different perspective, the modern, relatively well-to-do family has to run the gauntlet of seemingly endless micro-stressors. While not comparable with war or rape, “micro-stressors” are the abundant small insults, injuries, frustrations, and misfortunes that occur on a daily basis in fast-paced, modern life. These are “first world problems,” that end up taking seven years off of one’s life expectancy. Getting the kids up at an early hour and delivering them to school prior to a challenging commute to work is stressful. The boss at work is not necessarily an example of empathic understanding. On the contrary, it’s “by the numbers,” “get your numbers,” and if you don’t get your numbers, your days are numbered. If you don’t have any numbers, that itself is a bad sign, and we will find some for you. Relations with coworkers and superiors can be Machiavellian—and conflict-laden.

As noted, and not for the last time, the things that make us good at business—compliance, dealing with competitive pressures, managing technology—do not expand the affection and affinity in our relationships. Cynicism and survival drive out empathy, intensifying stress. Then the reverse commute back home; chauffeuring the kids around to activities such as soccer or play dates, to which they are entitled and which they require in order to become well-rounded, successful human beings; strained relationships with these very kids over homework and with the spouse over the lack of satisfying relatedness much less a sex life, and the drum beat of micro-stressors goes on. The formula for wide-spread chronic stress is complete.

Social stress enters the body through the immune system

The body responds to common bacterial infections and to wounds by becoming inflamed. How this works—and does not work—becomes a tadtechnical, and I have to ask the reader’s patience in laying out the distinctions needed to connect the dots between stress, inflammation, and empathy. 

How does stress get into the body? This is important, because, when stress “gets in,” it sets off a cascade of negative results that affect our physical and emotional well-being. To cut to the chase, scientists believe that stress gets into the body through the immune system. (See the article by Segerstrom and Miller (2004) cited above and listed as a reference below.) Once stress activates immune processes designed to fight infection, the dominoes start falling. Diverse systems of the body can be left in a state of chronic inflammation, which, if left untreated, result in life style disorders and diseases.

These disorders include conditions such as irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), metabolic disorders (obesity, type 2 diabetes, congestive heart failure, chronic pulmonary obstructive disease), migraines and lower back pain (notoriously difficult to diagnose), and numerous allergies (peanut, gluten, lactose, dust) with which many children (and adults) now find their vitality reduced. (This list is not complete.)

The human immune system was developed between 100,000 and a million years ago when our early proto-human ancestors emerged on the plains of present-day East Africa. Now one must be on guard against generating a “just so” story about what life was like in such an early environment of evolutionary origin. 

Our ancestors faced a different set of challenges than we do. If they wanted to get somewhere, they had to walk. If they wanted to do detailed work such as sewing after sunset, they had to light a fire. If they got sick, they had a choice of naturally occurring purgatives, stimulants, or a sweat lodge to try to sweat out the toxins. They were exposed to physical hazards in chasing game such as rabbits or antelope for food through the bush. Injuries such as cuts and abrasions were common; and when such injuries to the skin occurred, the risk of infection was significant. Responding to tissue damage had a priority. If a wound became infected, the entire organism was at risk. Mini-clinics had not yet been invented. 

What the sick person experiences as the disease is actually the beneficial side-effect of the defense mounted by the body’s immune system against disease. Our bodies developed their built-in ability to heal wounds and respond to infections in this physically demanding environment. We are the beneficiaries of millennia of natural selection to protect the organism against wounds and infections—and, in addition, we now have mini-clinics and antibiotics. 

The sick person experiences the disease as the body’s defense

The wound temporarily becomes red—it is inflamed—and the body sometimes becomes feverish in an attempt to kill the intruder by “cooking” it. As part of this defensive response, the body engages in “sick behavior.” It tends to withdraw; wants to lie down in its bed; experiences low energy; and has an increased need to sleep. Such behavior makes perfect sense in terms of rallying the body’s resources to overcome the disease.

The body summons defensive biological agents to the location of the injury. These defensive agents include macrophages—literally “big eaters”—that attack the foreign invaders and encompass and digest (i.e., eat) them. The body’s immune system gets into action and sounds the alarm using messengers called “cytokines.” “Cytokines” have become famous because an entire theory of depression is named after them. More on that shortly. 

These Big Eaters—macrophages—and cytokines congregate at the site of injury or infection, release toxic substances such as oxygen radicals that damage invaders, and break down the invaders and damaged tissue. These defenses have broad effects on the organism, including fever and inflammation, as they promote wound healing. 

Now take this immune system, which was developed to defend against wounds and bacteria, and fast forward about half a million years to our own time. Modern humans no longer face hostile animals and the elements. It is true that parts of our modern cities have become urban jungles, in which people behave in aggressive ways towards their neighbors; but the majority of the population still manages to avoid such situations, granted that is little consolation to those trapped in social injustice (itself a source of social stress). 

Today human beings face social stressors as well as biological ones. Such social stressors are symbolic in that they represent non-material entities such as status, power, a piece of paper or electronic bits called “money,” expectations about the future, access to resources based on educational opportunities (or lack thereof), and meaning making of the kind we explored in world class novels and narratives from George Eliot (May Ann Evans), Thomas Mann, Tennessee Williams, and Shakespeare. Social status is a symbolic good. For our proto-human ancestors, social status in the group translated into access to choose morsels of food and access to superior mating opportunities. Likewise, with us?

For us moderns the symbolic stress now has become chronic and unremitting. It is not that life as such was so much better when the vast majority of the population worked on a farm (or were hunter-gatherers). Let us not idealize the past. Days were long—from sunrise to sunset (since electricity had not been invented). Life was surely physically harder. Disease was not a symbolic threat; it was an ever-present danger and immediately present. Death was a daily companion and a near, not a remote, possibility. 

Still, expectations were probably lower. Resignation and acceptance of one’s fate were embedded more deeply. People were too physically exhausted to worry about whether one’s child would get into a preschool program that would enable her to qualify for Harvard. Perhaps that itself provided relief from chronic stress. 

If one lived even a hundred years ago, the likelihood was that, if one survived the hazards of childhood, an infectious disease such as influenza, tuberculosis, cholera, or pneumonia would eventually end one’s life. Childhood mortality and death in childbirth were major factors limiting life expectancy; though if one survived childhood, then one’s life expectancy as an adult might approach that which we enjoy today in developed countries with modern medicine.

 The good news is sometimes also the less good news. Today thanks to antibiotics and vaccinations, the vast majority of the population in developed countries survives long enough to develop chronic disorders associated with social stress and life style responses to it.

In the final part of this series, we look in detail at the dots connecting the stress and inflammation reducing properties of empathy with improved well-being and evidence based outcomes in basic medicine. Stand by!


[i] Suzanne C. Segerstrom and Gregory E. Miller. (2004). Psychological stress and the human immune system: A meta-analytic study of 30 years of inquiry, Psychol Bulletin, 2004 July, 130(4): 601–630.

[ii] Bessel van der Kolk. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Trans- formation of Trauma. New York: Penguin Books.

Note: All the usual disclaimers apply. This is not intended to be, nor is it, medical advice or medical guidelines. Always consult with your medical doctor and other professional counselors about decisions affecting your health and well-being. 

Image Credit: Group Tai Chi practice in a Shanghai park led by Grandmaster Xie Bingcan in 2011. Author: Seattletaijiquan This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International license

(c) Lou Agosta, PhD and the Chicago Empathy Project

Empathy – a spa treatment for the soul

My first training in stress reduction through empathy came from my dear Grandma Laura. With Grandma Laura the force of empathy was strong. However, she came from a time and place, prior to the Internet, that did not require much formal education. 

My Grandma Laura may actually have believed that getting caught in the rain caused upper respiratory infections such as the common cold. She was happy to make the chicken soup to sooth my sneezes and colds, and she endorsed chicken soup as the treatment of choice for the common cold. 

Grandma was relying on common sense—and a wisdom that is all-too-rare in our own time. She noted that people who were physically stressed out by exposure to cold and wet weather succumbed to the common cold. She also observed that rest and warm, nourishing liquids—chicken soup—provided relief to the sneezing, sniffling, suffering survivor until the cold had run its natural course. 

Listen to Parts 1 and 2 of the blog posts as a podcast on Spotify –

(Note this is not a transcript but a different performance of the same context as the text.)

I acknowledge the book Chicken Soup for the Soul. I stopped counting how many had been published in the series when the number hit eighteen. [i] Keep up the great work! The point here is that chicken soup, delivered in the proper context, reduces stress; and so it reduces the symptoms of inflammation (runny nose and so on) that occur when the immune system fights back against infection. 

Thus, empathy is compared to chicken soup. It has also been compared to sinking back into a hot bath, and taking the “healing waters” as part of a spa treatment. We shall work with all these metaphors. We shall also continue the work begun in Chapter Four with evidence-based, peer-reviewed, scientific publications that the benefits of empathy for the recipient are closely related to stress reduction. First, some background. 

My Grandma may not actually have had the distinction “immune system.” This distinction provides what we call the “confounding variable” in “Getting caught in the rain causes the common cold.” Of course, the rain does not cause the common cold. The rhino virus causes the common cold. What getting caught in the rain does is reduce the body’s immune system’s defense against viruses such as the rhino virus that already live in the body. 

The sneezing, sniffling, and suffering are the inflammation that occur when the body’s immune system is mobilized and fights back against the virus by producing the bodily defenses called “antibodies,” sending them to the site of the infection (i.e., the nose) to disrupt the viral attack. Antibodies are doing battle against the attacking viruses, the antigens. The result, at thirty thousand feet, is that the person experiences all the annoying symptoms of a head cold. 

In my case, Grandma was spot on in correlating getting wet and physically exhausted by the storm with coming down with a cold. We forgive her lack of scientific rigor. After all, she was a world class cook, even if an unsung one until now, not a immunologist. 

A word of caution. The distinction between “body and mind” is already embedded into our modern science, our thinking, our way of relating to other people, and our way of relating to ourselves. 

We are not going to undo centuries of distinguishing mind and body in this book. Still, we may usefully recall one philosopher’s (Ludwig Wittgenstein’s) anecdote: “The human body is the best picture of the soul.”[ii] Keep that in mind. 

A small set of practices such as receiving empathy, meditation (mindfulness), Yoga, and Tai Chi Chuan, promote recovery and well-being in reducing inflammation. The solution then is a hot bath? A spa treatment? Don’t laugh. There are many less useful interventions available. The limitation of a spa treatment is that it provides symptom relief, not a long-term solution. After the benefits of the spa treatment wear off in a couple of weeks, the person is right back where she or he started. The difference between empathy and a hot bath—granted that both are relaxing—is that empathy provides for structural change to the person’s personality, expanding resilience, emotional stability, and relatedness. Advantage empathy: empathy is superior to a spa treatment for the soul. How is this so? 

Today it is fashionable to say that whatever benefits a person, whether Prozac or mindfulness, rewires the brain. In plain English, practicing empathy, receiving empathy, being empathic, also rewires the brain, that is, it builds new habits. 

Empathy builds new habits in relationships—in engaging in listening to the other person, in interacting across personal boundaries, in reducing conflict, in an expanding toleration of upsets in relatedness, and in building a community of engaged neighbors. 

Expanding one’s empathy enhances one’s ability to deal with personal dynamics in friendships, intimate relationships, and in groups such as the workplace, school, and community. 

Expanding empathy enhances a person’s stability, strength of character, and emotional equilibrium in the face of destabilizing upsets. It enables one to be with people and events that are difficult. Expanding one’s empathy enables one effectively to get results where previously one would have experienced failure and frustration—and the resulting stress. 

With acknowledgement to Donald Hebb, “neurons that fire together wire together.” “Rewiring” is the new buzzword for “building habits.”

If the ideas in biology that we explore in this and the following posts are a tad technical, I am unapologetic. 

Psychopharmacologists and practitioners of behavioral interventions such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) have been less than charitable in engaging with the status of the evidence on behalf of empathy and empathy-related interventions. “Dismissive” is the word that comes to mind; and yet the evidence-based, peer-reviewed distinctions that are engaged in this engagement with empathy cannot be dismissed. Those with economic and territorial incentives to provide a complex and expensive solution do not necessarily welcome a less complex or less expensive one such as empathy. 

The results are now in. Substantial evidence is available of what most people with common sense have appreciated all along, that empathy and being treated empathically are good for people’s health and well-being. Stress reduction works. Empathy works. The work we do in this chapter enables us to expand our understanding of why. 

Stress reduction practices such as meditation, Yoga, and Tai Chi do not necessarily work in the same way as empathy. (Full disclosure: I practiced Tai Chi weekly for four years, but have limited experience with the others.) 

I hypothesize that all these practices create a distance between one’s experience and one’s cognitive and emotional processes. This distance opens up a place for empathy to expand and authentic relatedness to occur. 

When this “distance” between one’s experience and one’s cognitive and emotional responses becomes habitual—today we would say “encoded in the neurons”—then the change is structural and, thus, long lasting and enduring. How does this work? 

The answer to the question awaits the next episode, the next post, in this series due out next week. Stand by for update!


 

Notes

[i] Jack Canfield, Sally Burbank, Terri Elders, and Amy Newmark. (2003). Chicken Soup for the Soul. New York: Soul Publishing (Simon and Shuster).

[ii] Ludwig Wittgenstein. (1951). Philosophical Investigations, tr. E. Anscombe. London: Basil Blackwell, 1968.Blackwell, 1968.

IMAGE CREDIT: Creative Commons Attribution: Logeshwaran Rajendran

(c) Lou Agosta, PhD and the Chicago Empathy Project

Registration now open: Empathy Lessons Training Seminar (ELTS) Registration, Syllabus, Agreements

Empathy is oxygen for the soul. Short of breath? Maybe one needs expanded empathy. Get some empathy and expand yours in this seminar. A rigorous and critical empathy says: I know what you feel because I feel it, too, as a vicarious experience, not a merger. It is not as if parents, teachers, doctors, therapists, friends, and neighbors, needed an expert to tell them what empathy is. Ask any parent, teacher, behavioral health professional, and they practice empathy every day, even if they may not always be able to say it out loud. This seminar brings forth what you already know about empathy – what you have already learned since you could not survive without empathy – and expands it with abundant tips, techniques, and real-world transformation in exercising empathy as a power and practice. 

A detailed outline (syllabus) of the seminar, benefits you will obtain by participating, and agreements for participants follow inline. 

Here is how to register: click below (ELTS):

Empathy Lessons Training Seminar Syllabus Outline – this is the outline of the seminar

Empathy Lessons Training Seminar (ELTS)

Empathy is oxygen for the soul. Short of breath? Maybe one needs expanded empathy. Get some in this seminar: I know what you feel because I feel it, too, as a vicarious experience, not a merger. It is not as if parents, teachers, doctors, therapists, friends, and neighbors, needed an expert to tell them what empathy is. Ask any parent, teacher, behavioral health professional, and they practice empathy every day, even if they may work on how explicitly to bring forth what they know. This seminar brings forth what you already know about empathy – and expands it with abundant tips, techniques, and real-world transformation in exercising empathy as a power and practice. 

Schedule: Every Saturday for ten weeks Sept 12, 2026 thru Nov 21, 2026 at 11 am CDT – starts after Labor Day (USA) and ends before Thanksgiving (USA) via Zoom

Seminar Syllabus Outline:

Session One: The one-minute empathy training. 

Talking points:

  • Personal note: The beginning of my empathy training     
  • The multi-dimensional definition of empathy       
  • Empathic receptivity and vicarious experience                    
  • Empathic understanding—understanding of possibility     
  • Where there is “mind reading” there is “mind misreading”
  • The folk interpretation of empathy: Top-down empathy     
  • There is enough empathy to go around, even though it does not seem that way on most days. Why is that?

Session Two: Empathy and brain science – this is your brain on empathy 

Talking points:

  • Mirror neurons – what are those?                                          
  • Stress and inflammation: Some is good, too much is not
  • Social stress enters the body through the immune system  
  • Connecting the dots: stress and inflammation                      
  • Connecting the dots: anti-inflammation and empathy         
  • Empathy as a “Miracle drug”
  • Empathy is a spa treatment for the soul

Session Three: Empathy breakdowns and introspection 

Talking points:

  • Emotional contagion is failed empathy                              
  • The analogy of optical illusions with empathy breakdowns     
  • Empathic receptivity breaks down as emotional contagion    
  • Empathic understanding breaks down as conformity
  • Empathic interpretation breaks down as projection               
  • Empathic response breaks down and gets “lost in translation”       
  • Introspection is the royal road to empathy; be introspective

Session Four: Resistance to empathy

Talking points:

  • Overcome resistance to empathy, and empathy expands
  • Train and develop empathy by overcoming the obstacles to empathy
  • “Listen from possibility” rather than listening from a “position X”:
  • Distinguish between what happened and what one made it mean
  • Empathy is a tuner or dial, not an “on-off” switch
  • Empathy is a method of data gathering about the other person:
  • Be generous with acknowledgement

Session Five: The Secret underground history of empathy

Talking points:

The distinction “empathy” was a part of sympathy, fellow feeling, vicarious feeling, communicability of affect in aesthetics and art history, and storytelling is discussed through different methods of inquiry. The session includes short selections from the philosophers, phenomenologists, and psychoanalysts 

  • David Hume, 
  • Immanuel Kant, 
  • Theodor Lipps, 
  • Sigmund Freud, 
  • Heinz Kohut, 
  • Husserl/Edith Stein, 
  • Max Scheler

Session Six: Empathy and story telling

Talking points:

And, yes, we are going to tell some stories.

  • The “Natural Empath”: Caught between nature and nurture   
  • The Good Samaritan meets the Natural Empath

Examples of empathy from World Literature including

  • Toni Morrison
  • George Eliot (Marion Evans)
  • Thomas Mann
  • Albert Camus
  • Goethe                                                                                                                                   

Session Seven: Empathy and boundary setting

Talking points:

  • Get your power back through empathy
  • Establish and maintain firm boundaries between the self and the Other in relating empathically – but do not forget to practice being inclusive
  • Empathy deescalates anger and rage
  • Empathy is the ultimate anti-bullying anti-dote – 
  • When (why) empathy doesn’t work with bullies, psychopaths, and the criminally insane – and what to do about it
  • Empathy is closely related to humor
  • Empathy lessons are everywhere

Session Eight: Review of the literature that empathy is good for one’s health and well being

Talking points:

  • Empathy is trainable – practice, you get better at it
  • The empathy exams
  • What counts as evidence that empathy works?                         
  • Evidence-based empathy
  • Jumping out of an airplane – be sure to wear a parachute         
  • Common factor, empathy, in social healing practices                 

Session Nine: Speaking truth to power – rhetorical empathy in politics

Talking points:

  • Truth versus politics
  • The first instance of fake news—ever                                
  • Empathic receptivity soothes anger and rage                        
  • Empathic understanding discloses political vision                
  • Empathic interpretation engages intractable problems        
  • Rhetorical empathy: Empathic responsiveness                     
  • Malcolm-X’s rhetorical empathy                                            
  • John Stuart Mill’s rhetorical empathy                                    
  • Governor Altgeld’s rhetorical empathy                                  
  • Ronald Regan’s rhetorical empathy                                       
  • Lincoln’s rhetorical empathy                                                 

Session Ten: Empathy is the new love – examining love through the lens of empathy

Talking points: So If empathy is the new love, what then was the old love?

  • Defining Our Terms: Love and Empathy                            
  • Empathy and love have characteristic breakdowns         
  • The unbearable lightness of empathy                                
  • Design defects of the male brain                                         
  • Women and men want the same things—but differ in priority           
  • The desire of desire                                                              
  • The Positive Aspects of Love as Empathic Relatedness    
  • From Death in Venice (a story) to Empathy in Venice
  • Love as a boundary issue: Empathy as a soothing balm

Top Benefits of the Empathy Lessons Training Seminar – these are the benefits –

The answer is empathy – so what’s the question? Stress pushes people down into survival. People stress other people, being difficult to deal with at home, on the job, in school, or at leisure with friends. In the Empathy Lessons Training Seminar (ELTS) the participants get an opportunity to engage directly the obstacles that stopping them from getting the empathy. Participants acquire the empathic responsiveness needed to experience satisfaction in relationships of all kinds, personal and professional. Participants overcome the obstacles to effective relationships and shift out of survival mode and into empathic responsiveness in which fulfillment and satisfaction occur that did not previously seem possible. 

The top benefits of the empathy lessons training seminar that the participant will receive include expanded empathy and – 

1. reduced conflict in one’s life and one’s organization, reducing dignity violations, shame, and related anger and rage

2. expanded power and freedom in the face of resistance, no agreement, or bullying

3. reduced time to results in personal and professional projects, expanding teamwork 

4. expanded listening one other individuals and to oneself

5. expanded results in personal relationships 

6. reduced compassion fatigue, burnout, professional cynicism or denial  

7. expanded cooperation in one’s personal and professional relations, increasing satisfaction with one’s individual and organizational goals

8. the ability to be with another person no matter how difficult an individual

9. the ability to distinguish what happened from what one made it mean

10. ability to like people and be with people regardless of background 

11. distinguishing empathy effectively from compassion, altruism, and charity (they are not the same!)

12. the ability to recognize and acknowledge the humanness in oneself and others even in extreme situations

13. the ability to set boundaries in relatedness and navigate boundaries with finesse and skill – for example, in dealing with bullies

14. the ability to shift your empathy from being an “on off” switch to being a rheostat that dials empathy up and down as a filter

15. expanded humor, creativity, appreciation of art, and wisdom – all closely related to empathy – relationships, teamwork, and leadership

Also note:

Participants will get the most value from attending all the sessions. However, for those with scheduling challenges, it is not required to attend every session because every session (except the first) contains a short upfront review of terms and what the participant needs to know to get value from the work.  

The Empathy Lessons Training Seminar [ELTS] may be delivered as a stand-alone ten session class for participants who register individually. Alternatively, the ELTS may be delivered as part of an empathy consulting engagement. The organization’s team members are separately interviewed, confidential feedback aggregated anonymously and presented to the leadership, and group work on problem solving, conflict resolutions, issue handling, proceeds in parallel with large group work and small group breakout sessions under the guidance of the organization’s leadership. 

The benefits of the ELTS are most available to participants who attend all the sessions. People may selectively attend one or more session and still obtain significant benefit. Naturally, attending more sessions will result in expanded benefits. Whatever you do you are going to get empathy, and, no surprises here, you get out of it what you put into it.

Empathy Lessons Training Seminar (ELTS) Agreements

The Empathy Training Seminar (ELTS) is delivered through Alleingang, Inc., an Illinois Chapter C corporation, Lou Agosta, PhD, President, responsible for providing diverse services in education, consulting, and publishing. The trainer is Lou Agosta. The participants are the individuals who sign up, pay the fee, agreement to these agreements (hereafter: Agreements) and attend the training.

The ELTS is a ten session, structured conversation designed to expand empathy in the participant and in the community. The ELTS occurs as a two-hour session for ten weeks for a total of some twenty hours. 

The ELTS training material distributed to the participants is copy-righted material and the conversations that occurs in the seminar are confidential and for the personal use of the participants. It may not be recorded, copied, taped or otherwise captured to electronic media. Any notes taken by the participants are only for the personal use of the participants and may not be published, sold, or otherwise redistributed under any circumstances. 

The ELTS is committed to creating an environment where people have the freedom to express themselves and participate without restrictions. Therefore, the ELTS requests that you keep the names and details of what people say in the ELTS confidential. Participants will be separately asked to sign a document in which the person agrees to keep the names and details of what people say in the ELTS confidential, and such signature is a requirement for participating in the ELTS.

Further detailed agreements and background are specified in the online agreement document. The person considering participating is asked to review all these additional agreements carefully, let the trainer (LouAgosta@gmail.com) know of any questions or concerns, and agree to the agreements in completing the registration process. 

Consistent with good business practices and current law, Alleingang, Inc. does not tolerate sexual harassment or other forms of harassment in any of our training programs or events. If you have any questions about our policies regarding sexual or other forms of harassment, please contact Lou Agosta (773-203-0269).

The participant hereby agrees to (in the following “I” – “my” – and so on refer to the participant):

  • To be on time for my sessions as scheduled
  • To discuss and say what is on my mind and what is going on in my life without editing or holding back – to just tell the truth 
  • Same idea as above – to be straight about what I am thinking and feeling – regardless of its significance or lack of significance to me or even if seems embarrassing or trivial
  • If I have an emergency (for example, serious illness, life event, two feet of snow), then I will communicate as soon as I know about it
  • If I have a complaint, concern, or issue with the empathy consultant or with the process of training, then I will come into my session and talk about it to resolve it
  • I understand that on occasion empathy consulting requires me to consider and discuss confronting and difficult personal matters, including but not limited to my own behavior, blind spots, and thoughts 
  • To pay the fee agreed upon for the ELTS with the understanding that it is nonrefundable
  • To pay the fee agreed upon for the ELTS with the understanding that it is nonrefundable, though in the event of an authentic emergency a reasonable effort will be made to include the participant in a similar (“substitute”) future session
  • To be responsible for my health and well-being at all times, in participating in this work

I acknowledge that our conversation and the ELTS are confidential and have received this written statement of confidentiality. Exceptions to confidentiality include [but are not limited to] if the trainer believes the participant is hurting or plans to hurt her- or himself or another person, for example, requiring summoning emergency [911] services. Then confidentiality would not apply.

By entering one’s name and date and related identifying data on the separately published ELTS form, the participant agrees to the Agreements

Here is how to register: click below (ELTS):

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is imageofloupointingatgrahamschooltalk.jpg

Image Credit: photo by Alex Zonis of Lou Agosta, PhD making a presentation on the Secret Underground History of Empathy on November 13, 2015 at a local Chicago adult education program.

(c) Lou Agosta, PhD and the Chicago Empathy Project

Empathy SELLS – but empathy’s limitations sell even better

As a popular trend, empathy peaked in 2009 with the publication of the late Franz de Waal’s now classic The Age of Empathy.  De Waal goes on to profile “Our kinder, gentler [Bonobo ape] ancestors” on Oct 3, 2009 in the middle column of the then largely still hardcopy Wall Street Journal,” casting doubt on the “killer instincts” of our early humanoid ancestors. De Waal’s essay champions the position that this aggressive and over-sexed species, human beings (homosapiens), is capable of empathy, compassion, altruism, gratitude, generosity, and such “pro social” attitudes. Fast forward a decade and a half. 

Listen to this podcast on Spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5H74frDb1M8df58c9IjddG?si=Mp1D99JoTxyfCsQYm1ItkQ

Empathy still sells and is honored and advocated as a powerful intervention to deescalate aggression and conflict. A rigorous and critical empathy still champions the many successful applications of tough love, red teaming, hard empathy, and limit setting while acknowledging the limitations and the ways that empathy can break down, including phenomena such as emotional contagion, projection, conformity, messages getting lost in translations, in the trials and errors of being empathic. A rigorous and critical empathy is committed to doing the hard work of overcoming these break downs and misfirings in order to relate authentically and in integrity to the other individuals and the community.

But if empathy still sells, its limitations sell even better. The latest trend is to denounce empathy as a weakness and a danger to western civilization. Gad Saad’s Suicidal Empathy (2025) goes further than the initial wave of anti-empathy advocates such as Paul Bloom (2016), Fritz Breithaupt (2017), Glenda Carpio (2023), and Namwali Serpall (2019). With Saad, the recommendation is not that one should apply rational compassion rather than empathy (Bloom) or deploy “enlarged thinking” (Carpio “channeling” Hannah Arendt) instead of empathy or that empathy is a kind of “slave morality” masquerading as kindness (Breithaupt). Rather “empathy” should be added to the list of “pro social” characteristics such as altruism, compassion, charity, generosity, gratitude, helping those in need, being kind to animals, turning the other cheek, and so on (even though empathy is not an emotion as such but a form of emotional communication among other things). Throw them all under the bus. Being kind makes you and your community a sucker, and as P.T. Barnum, the founder of the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus, famously noted, “There is a sucker born every minute.” 

The anti-empathic advocates offer a thought experiment: If you are in an overcrowded life boat after your ship sank, then taking on further survivors may cause the boat to sink, and everyone will perish. Don’t be an empathic sucker; push the competition under. If you do not do so, you are at risk of (drum roll): suicidal empathy. 

What is overlooked is that this “thought experiment” is a set-up and is a double bind. Given the rock and the hard place, the devil and the deep blue sea, the damned if you do and damned if you don’t, it is the reason the ancient Greeks invented tragic theatre. Life often presents people with unfair choices. Life presents choices that no one should have to make, that no one can make, though doing nothing is also a choice. The thought-experiment starts by taking away one’s agency. You are in a life boat, and it is because your ship sank. You do not need expanded empathy; you need rescue. “Women and children” first” is the rule in any abandon ship scenario. In an extreme situation, this sounds like the captain and crew providing the empathic leadership required of them. That is the empathic moment, not “shoot the survivors.” The “take down” of Saad’s Suicidal Empathy requires an article of its own. One is available, though it is not a book review as such (though one is in preparation) see: “Suicidal empathy is in the news. . .” by Lou Agosta: https://louagosta.com/2026/05/22/suicidal-empathy-is-in-the-news-what-you-need-to-know-to-debunk-the-anti-empathy-skeptics/ ) Finally, for a detailed discussion and critique of the anti-empathy cohort prior to Saad see the prepublication version of Chapter 3: Empathy and its discontents from Lou Agosta, (2025), Radical Empathy in the Context of Literature(click here to download). Selected sections of the following are based on this chapter.  

The very idea that our civilization at risk due to an excess of empathy is so laughably absurd and “out there” as to give pause that the advocate of the idea may perhaps be delusional. This is the same civilization (“the West”) that brought us two world wars, the Armenian Genocide, Auschwitz, Hiroshima (“seemed like a good idea at the time”), the war on terror (“seemed like a good idea at the time”), “forever” wars in the middle east, Chernobyl, the internment and annihilation of ethnic and racial groups too numerous to list here, and this civilization is suffering from an excess of empathy? Granted that the vast majority of people are empathic people devoted to family, career, community and country, Saad and his fellow travelers are sensationalizing empathy’s acknowledged limitations by throwing a rotten tomato at it. One can always make a splash by throwing a rotten tomato. If Saad had said, empathy doesn’t work with psychopaths, antisocial personality disorder, bullies, corrupt politicians, and the criminally insane, then it would be easy to agree with the position. With such individuals and groups, one must set firm boundaries, define forceful limits, call for backup, and speak truth to power. 

Unfortunately, once a “policeman” is kneeling on your neck or someone throws a bomb, it is too late for empathy. The perpetrator fails the readiness assessment for empathy and it is necessary to invoke self-defense. And remember the best defense is a good offense—provided that it is proportionate to the incoming violence (which is notoriously hard to determine). Self-defense, setting limits, establishing boundaries are what is needed. 

Furthermore, Empathy 101 teaches that empathy does not work on an active battlefield, or if one is starving to death, or hanging upside down in a torture chamber. Never underestimate the power of empathy—never—but empathy in such extreme situations ends up looking like what the FBI Hostage Negotiating team uses to open communication with the hostage takers, or looking like “Red Team, Red Team!”—think like the opponent in a war game (on Red Teaming see Zenko 2015). What then is the source of resistance to empathy?

Taking the debate up a level from any particular author’s book, let us consider the causes of resistance to empathy. First, the listener or would-be empathic person does not want to make him- or herself vulnerable to the upset, emotional disequilibrium, or trauma of the struggling individual who is narrating sharing his or her struggle. 

Note that all the things said here about resistance to empathy can also be said about compassion, altruism, kindness, generosity, gratitude, and the related set of pro-social attitudes. If the empathic person risks “empathic distress,” the compassionate person risks “compassion fatigue.” All the helping professions and first responders are at risk of a kind of “burn out,” affective depletion, or using up of one’s emotional resources. That means that professional self-care is an essential part of the commitment to service and that those playing the Long Game of expanding empathy in the community have in place practices to renew their emotional resources. 

Resistance to empathy on the part of the listener is resistance to being affectively flooded, overwhelmed or otherwise put at the effect of excessive stimulation of a negative or even positive kind, which in excess can be painful. For example, who would want to empathize with a person such as Geheimrat Daniel Paul Schreber at the height of his psychotic breakdown?[1] No one. However, in order to make a difference in helping Schreber it would be useful to get a taste of his distress, a sample of his fear, a vicarious experience of what he experienced as if in the theatre or film. So, if one is overwhelmed by emotional contagion, whether by empathic distress or compassion fatigue, then one is doing it wrong. One needs to take a sample of the other person’s distress, not the full-blown trauma itself. In empathizing, one needs to “tune up” one’s vicarious experience of the other and “tune down” one’s merger with them. This takes practice and even trial and error. Nevertheless, this is a real issue. 

Given the level of empathy training, rare is the person who has enough control over their empathy regulation to tune it up or tune it down based on a continuum of disturbances varying from the mildly, everyday neurotic to the deeply psychotic. Note, however, that the antidote is expanded empathy. This bears repeating. If empathy is limited or parochial, then the solution is not to discard empathy to expand it, thus expanding inclusiveness and community.

Resistance to empathy also comes from the person who is the would-be recipient of empathy, compassion, etc. Pain and suffering can become a bad habit. The struggling individual is attached to their pain and suffering and these have become a kind of “comfort zone.”  So letting go of the pain and suffering is itself more painful than the present pain. Letting go of the pain and suffering is filled with more pain and suffering than the person is willing to confront. As Marsha Linehan, the innovator in dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), famously noted, the way out of hell is through misery. Overcoming the bad habits, blind spots, and maladaptive behaviors that are the causes of a person’s suffering requires struggle and effort that is itself a kind of misery. Who wants to hear that? No one. Better to stay in one’s comfort zone of discomfort. Furthermore, overcoming one’s limitations and getting the empathy, dignity, respect, and recognition for which one is so hungry risks an encounter with the Unknown – new possibilities which have not been previously available both for success and failure – and the unknown is the most anxiety inspiring thing possible. Hence, further resistance to empathy. 

Finally resistance to empathy comes from institutional inertia, namely, the faceless unempathic bureaucracy that seems to live in every call center, customer service desk, government function, or need for trouble shooting with a new appliance, computer interface, or product return. Any business person knows that customer service requires empathy. This is one place where “empathy sells, and empathy’s limitations sell even better” is completely and patently false. Lack of empathy sends the customer to the competition (and the customer will not even tell you about it – you will just be out of business!). 

If Gad Saad is complaining about the fake empathy at many customer service desks and call centers and sales pitches (in general), then we are in agreement. Unfortunately, he is not – he seems really to be anti-kindness and anti-empathy along the lines of “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” – even amidst a growing body count. In addition, one should not overlook that all-purpose tip and technique of “fake it till you make it.” Working from the outside inward – from practicing empathic behavior even if one’s feeling lag behind – is a proven method of “boot strapping” oneself into new skills and positive habits. 

Regarding “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” that notorious “bad boy” Friedrich Nietzsche called such qualities as altruism, compassion, charity, and pro social attitudes aspects of “slave morality,” tips and techniques that those out of power can use to get power. Note that Nietzsche never mentioned the word “empathy,” but engaged with related phenomena such as altruism, charity, and so on. What is so wrong with the disempowered trying to expand their power? Since the ruling class are not volunteering to give up power, how else would anyone get power than by strategizing and struggling? What is wrong with the poor, the disadvantaged, the marginalized, the survivors of domestic violence, refugees from conflict zones and natural disasters, the early Christians with whom the Romans literally fed the lions (this list is not complete) getting back some of their power? Was the USA – and the sitcom theme song “Movin’ on Up” – not premised on struggling African Americans, immigrants, and the marginalized getting a “piece of the pie”? 

I cut to the chase. The criticism of empathy as “suicidal empathy” is a new form of Social Darwinism. What the heck is Social Darwinism? The short version of Social Darwinism is the wolves saying the sheep should have more understanding for the wolves. “We wolves are very hungry. Have empathy for us and come here and let us bite your neck.” It is the masters in the manor house saying the slaves in the dirt-floored cabins out back should be more sympathetic towards the masters. “The burdens of leadership are hard, and riding shot gun over a chain gang of enslaved workers in the hot Mississippi sun is not easy.” The admittedly simplistic account of Neo-Social-Darwinism in the context of survival of the fittest is: if you get “extinguished,” then you deserved it. Well, not exactly. It means in a high stakes game of random variations and natural selection, you drew the short straw. If you were born in poverty, in a conflict zone, in a land rendered uninhabitable by rising waters, forest fires, or climate change, you did nothing to deserve your pain and suffering. This is the classic dilemma of bad things happening to innocent people, which all world religions and most philosophical systems attempt to address in different ways. Empathy alone is not going to fix the problem of evil and suffering, but, I maintain, empathy is called forth by these and is an important part of the solution. 

Further background on what we might formally label as Neo-Social-Darwinism: In the Gilded Age of the robber barons of capitalism, when Rockefeller’s Standard Oil company forced small competitors out of existence using monopolistic, anti-competitive, and corrupt business practices, Standard Oil justified the action by saying “survival of the fittest.” That is Neo-Social-Darwinism. For example, when in 1894 railroad workers went on strike in Chicago for better wages, health insurance, an eight-hour day, and working conditions (sounds familiar?), US President Grover Cleveland called out 15,000 US Army (federal troops) on July 3, 1894 to break the strike under the pretext that it was preventing delivery of the US mail. 

Here is another example of abuse of power to further undemocratic ends: On April 20, 1914, the Colorado National Guard and guards of the Rockefeller-owned Colorado Fuel and Iron Company (CF&I), surrounded and attacked a tent colony of 1,200 striking miners, ultimately killing over 20 men, women, and children by randomly firing machine guns into the camp before burning it all down. The massacre caused a national outcry, violent sympathy strikes (the “Ten Days War”), and congressional hearings that disgraced the Rockefeller family’s public image. The miner’s families, however, were still dead. (See “The Ludlow Massacre”: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ludlow_Massacre.)

Not to minimize the abuses of power and rampant corruption in the current executive branch and Washington, DC, at large (Q3 2026), this is business as usual. Stephen Miller and Russell Voight, key policy architects and advisors to the current executive administration, seem to be studying the Grover Cleveland new gilded age play book and applying it to aspiring immigrants, diversity and inclusion, education, health care, and revisionist history that slaves were not so badly off. And if you believe that, I want to sell you the Brooklyn Bridge.  

Full disclosure: I mistakenly subscribed to the view that no such thing as bad publicity existed, and I declined in 2018 (and up until 2023) to mention the anti-empathy authors by name, instead referring to an “evolutionary psychologist,” a “celebrity psycholinguist,” a prominent “Germanic studies” teacher, or a mandarin professor of comparative literature. Why give “free publicity” to views that were seemingly committed to inhibiting, contracting, devaluing, rather than expressing, expanding, and implementing the practice of empathy? 

The gambit did not work. The devaluing of empathy got traction, perhaps driven by publishers whose market research, whether accurate or not, suggested that the sales of empathy books had peaked, and who proposed to keep the pot boiling with works that throw empathy “under the bus.” The challenge is that it is getting crowded under the bus. One can always make a splash by throwing a rotten tomato, and the would-be critique of empathy uncharitably takes the weakest version of empathy and refutes it. In contrast, a rigorous and critical empathy engages in a process of continuous improvement of empathy by “cleaning up” the empathic breakdowns of emotional contagion, projection, conformity, and communications lost in translation, resulting in the expansion of empathy in the individual and the community.

Yet another reason that the practice of empathy sells but empathy’s limitations sell even better is a consequence of empathy’s own success. Empathy works. Empathy makes a profound and lasting difference to those who are treated with empathy. But in the age of TikTok does empathy work fast enough? Empathy and its many successes are themselves the occasions for the skepticism, resistance, and embracing the obstacles to empathy. A rigorous and critical empathy can be hard work; being empathic can leave one vulnerable; better to take the easy way out. The reader may say, I want instant empathy, like instant coffee, just add hot water and stir. Wouldn’t it be nice? Nor is anyone saying such a thing as “instant empathy” is impossible. It may work well enough in a pinch; but like instant coffee, the quality may not be on a par with that required by a more demanding or discriminating appreciation and taste – or a more challenging situation. 

The pervasive cynicism and resignation of the world are naturally attracted to attacking the sources of inspiration and strength, not those of enervation and stagnation. A treatise on “The Dark Sides of Violence” will sadly remain timely and relevant, but no one disputes the accuracy of the description. One does not need a treatise “Against Eating Dirt,” because few are inclined to eat dirt (and if one is so inclined, it seems be a sign of a vitamin deficiency).

This brings us to the poster child for devaluing empathy, Fritz Breithaupt’s The Dark Sides of Empathy (2017) (hereafter referred to as “Dark Empathy”). Breithaupt asserts on page 8 that to “uncritically embrace empathy without caveats” is the goal debunked by the end of this [Breithaupt’s] book. Those who “uncritically embrace empathy” are debunked. Just so. Please stop right there. Who proposed uncritically embracing empathy—or anything? Uncritically embracing empathy is not proposed here. Attributing uncritical thinking to the masters of empathy such as C. Daniel Batson (2009), Simon Baron-Cohen (2014), Frans de Waal (2009), Jean Decety and William Ickes (2009), Susan Lanzoni (2018), Micah Zenko (2015) (this list is not complete), is itself a concerning sign of lack of critical thinking. Dark Empathy is at best naïve and at worse disingenuous in imaging practitioners of empathy are uncritical or lack rigor. “Uncritically embracing empathy” sets up a strawman, and gives a green light to uncritical thinking. 

The program of Dark Empathy is systematically and sensationally to attribute examples of empathic distress to the practice of empathy itself, charge empathy with these misfirings, and, going forward, invalidate and dismiss the practice of empathy. Instead of engaging with the hard work of self-inquiry into one’s own blind spots to overcome the obstacles and resistances to empathy, Dark Empathy takes the easy way out, discards empathy, gives up on it. It is like giving up on nutrition because the cook may put too much salt in the soup or burned the roast.

Dark Empathy properly lists many of empathy’s breakdowns, misfirings, and obstacles (as do practitioners of a rigorous and critical empathy). These include things such as emotional contagion, projection, conformity, messages getting lost in translations in attempting to be empathic. A rigorous and critical empathy is committed to doing the hard work of overcoming these break downs and misfirings in order to relate authentically and in integrity to the other individual. In contrast, Dark Empathy’s commitment seems to be to sensationalizing the failings of empathy, not demonstrating how empathy works (and does not work) in literature, politics, psychology, etc. Or rather the commitment is that empathy does not work (full stop).

If Dark Empathy would have stopped at page 8—empathy is what makes us human (or words to that effect) and elaborated on that position—then it would have made a useful contribution. The author really says it: empathy is essential to our humanity. However, empathy then breaks down into empathic distress. The issue is that human beings are frequently inhumane—not just a few bad apples, but as the Holocaust and Hannah Arendt taught us about the banality of evil, and the famous quote from the Nazi leader Heinrich Himmler, everyone has the potential for real badness, evil, even if few act on it. Therefore, dial back empathy, abstain from empathy? (See Hannah Arendt. (1971). Eichmann in Jerusalem. New York: Viking Press: 105–106; see also Lou Agosta. (2010). Empathy in the Context of Philosophy. London: Palgrave Macmillan: 73; this is the quotation from the Nazi Chief of the SS (Schutzstaffel) Heinrich Himmler and director of many of the genocidal programs against the Jewish people (and others) where he exhorts his men, seeming to demonstrate a kind of mutilated empathic understanding of how difficult it is to kill people and encouraging the executioners not to make any exceptions – and to kill them all. This is the paradigm case for a kind of “fiendish empathy” (as Heinz Kohut, MD, called it), and it might be redescribed as the breakdown of empathy in the presence of moral insanity and lack of integrity.) 

Dark Empathy asserts sensible things about empathy up front, and then sensationalizes the negative and the resulting empathic distress by saying that empathic human beings perpetrate horrid actions. Accurate enough. Human beings are a difficult species. They are an empathic, caring, compassionate, and kind species as well as an aggressive, territorial, and rapacious one. Wouldn’t we want to work on expanding the former and inhibiting the latter? 

That Roman soldiers drove nails through the limbs of the people they were crucifying does not invalidate the art of carpentry. Dark Empathy makes it sound like it does as it seemingly intentionally applies the same argument to empathy. Dark Empathy perpetrates a series of fallacies of numbing grossness by saying the forms of empathy are the motives for the horrid actions. This is not accurate. Aren’t the hidden variables aggression, uninhibited desire, territoriality (this list is not complete)?

The Dark Sides of Empathy succeeds in being provocative, even sensationalistic, identifying ways in which empathy can (and does) breakdown, misfire, and go astray. Yet The Dark Sides of Empathy is argumentatively uncharitable (in Donald Davidson’s sense): it uses the weakest versions of the empathy advocate’s arguments, not the strongest. On background, the analytic philosopher of language Donald Davidson innovated in defining a “a principle of charity”. 

The principle of (argumentative) charity goes beyond honest translation or statement of an argument, as noted, asking the thinker to engage with the strongest version of an argument rather than intentionally weaking it through setting up a strawman or a distorted, ambiguous representation of the argument. (On “argumentative charity see: Donald Davidson. (1973). Radical interpretation. In Inquiries into Truth and Interpretation. Oxford: The Clarendon Press, 2001: 125–139 (the principle of argumentative charity is discussed on 136–137); I am adding the word “argumentative” to distinguish clearly Davidson’s logical meaning from “altruistic charity,” which a form of compassion; see also Jonathan Haber. (2020). Critical Thinking. Cambridge, MA: The MIT Press: 74.)

As noted, one can always make a splash by throwing a rotten tomato, and that is what The Dark Sides of Empathy does. The only concern is that my criticisms will sound like there is no such thing as bad publicity or sound like buying the book is worth it. It is not. I have read it very carefully, cover-to-cover, dear reader, so you do not have to. What a chore! Dark Empathy name drops Hölderlin, Goethe, Flaubert, Fontane, Hawthorne ((p. 172) one page only!), before turning to an in-depth engagement with the execution of the domestic (US) terrorist, Timothy McVeigh, the Oklahoma City bomber, which says as much about the dark side of the author as about any aspect of empathy. (Note: Timothy McVeigh (1968–2001): Executed by Federal authorities on June 11, 2001 for the bombing of the Alfred P Murrah Federal Building in April 1995 in which 168 people, including 19 children, were killed and 680 injured.)

One fundamental fallacy is to confuse empathic distress with empathy itself. That empathy can misfire and fail does not mean one should abstain from empathy. It means to expand one’s empathy one may usefully practice and develop one’s empathic capabilities. With practice and effort, one’s empathic abilities are broadened and deepened. The celebrated Self Psychologist and empathy innovator Heinz Kohut, MD, (who is not mentioned in Breithaupt) gives the example of the Nazis who equipped their dive bombers with sirens, the better to impart empathic distress in their victims, thus demonstrating their (the Nazis’) subtle “empathic” appreciation of their victims’ feelings. One is tempted to say, “The devil may quote scripture.” The devil frequently does, and Nazis and their fellow travelers may try to apply some subset of a description of “empathy.” 

Note that Kohut speaks of “fiendish empathy” and the use of empathy for a “hostile purpose” while emphasizing his (Kohut’s) value neutral definition of empathy as “vicarious introspection” and a method of data gathering about the other person (1981: 529, 580).Nevertheless, the point is well taken that empathy is a powerful phenomenon in all its dimensions and requires careful handling.

The Nazi applies a kind of entry level emotional contagion or affective transmission of feelings, but the process breaks down at the point of empathic responsiveness. Empathic responsiveness requires a core of acknowledgement and recognition of the other person’s humanity. 

Thus, it is arguably plainly evident that the would-be “empathy” of the Nazis or the white supremacists such as Timothy McVeigh[1] misfires and does so completely. The would-be empathy gets itself entangle in a practical contradiction. It is a contradiction to relate humanely to another person being while dehumanizing the person. Empathy doesn’t work that way. Empathic responsiveness simply does not admit of bombing people or disqualifying them as “less than” or other than human when they plainly are human. 

The risk of Dark Empathy to the reader is that the reader may think its author is an expert in empathy and start quoting the distortions, lack of rigor, critical faux pas, and simple inaccuracies as if they shed light on empathy. For example, in a case of shocking inaccuracy, the book sites Stockholm Syndrome as an example of the dark side of empathy (p. 37). The mechanism of Stockholm Syndrome is not empathy, but “identification with the aggressor [key term].” Because the hostages identified with the aggressor (the bank robber and hostage taker) in order to survive a five-day traumatic kidnapping means that people do what they have to do to survive. 

It is not an example of empathy, but of Dark Empathy’s lack of psychological acumen – and of empathy. As noted above, identification with the authority figure is crucial in forming the human moral conscience during childhood; and this same mechanism of identification “goes off the rails,” misfunctions or rather functions in a pathological or at least problematic way, in the case of a kidnapping, in which, in order to survive, the victim actually builds a relationship with the perpetrator – does not pretend to do so, actually builds the relationship. 

Breithaupt’s interpretation depends on overlooking the basic definition of empathy that empathy requires a firm boundary between the self and the other. Remember the pessimistic philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer? His treatment of compassion and selflessness and/or merger, against which Nietzsche’s occasionally raged, are break downs of empathy. Never was it truer that “Good fences make good neighbors” (a fence, not a wall!), and there is a gate in the fence over which is the welcoming word “Empathy!”

A forced choice between more compassion and expanded empathy

In comparison with the long, hard slog through Dark Empathy, Paul Bloom’s Against Empathy is relatively easy to comprehend and situate. The case against empathy is that it is parochial, biased and limited based on preferences for “in group” individuals and associations such as family, neighborhood, and superficial similarities such as ethnic background, race, or local custom. Bloom’s recommendation is to pursue rational compassion. Bloom actually makes it sound like one has to choose between rational compassion and empathy. Given the state of the world, doesn’t the world need both more compassion and expanded empathy? The forced choice between the two must be declined. 

Furthermore, the answer on the part of empathy advocates to the criticism of the “bias and limitation” of parochialism is direct: if empathy is sometimes parochial, the solution is not to abstain from empathy but to expand it. The empathic imperative is precisely: Be inclusive! Welcome the outsiders, the Others. Expanded empathy is what is required to broaden the scope and limits of the community to build harmonious and cooperative relationships that work for everyone. That building such a community is a high bar, takes nothing away from empathy. Given the complexity of the challenge, one would think that deploying various methods to make progress is proper. 

As noted, Bloom’s choice between rational compassion and, as the title says, against empathy seems forced. Given the challenges at hand, don’t we need both empathy and compassion (of all kinds) to deal with this difficult species, human beings? Though I might be mistaken, I am not aware of any advocate of a rigorous and critical empathy who recommends abstaining from compassion. Why should advocates of rational compassion abstain from empathy? 

Given that Against Empathy operates with the distinctions rationality and critical thinking (the latter implicitly), it has much to offer – just not much to offer against empathy. Its discussions of compassion fatigue, self-control, delayed gratification, caring and mirroring, the basis of morality, violence and cruelty, thinking about the consequences of one’s speech and actions, are all relevant to the dynamics between empathy and rational compassion. 

Many of these distinctions such as self-control, delayed gratification, thinking about the consequences of one speech and actions, are features of adult behavior and speaking. Now it is a concerning fact that many adults are going about their business behaving in immature ways like adolescents who do not think about the consequences of their behavior and speaking. This says a lot about the breakdown of civility, education, and politics in our world, and, once again, the antidote is expanded rationality, compassion, and empathy. 

This is a good place to note that empathy has a developmental sequence. The empathy of a two-year-old, who offers his own teddy bear to an upset grownup in tears whose adult suffering the child does not really understand, is on a continuum with, but different than, full adult empathy. Nor should the child’s empathy be dismissed. Children are exquisitely empathic, just not always with complicated adult issues. The adults deploy all the aspects of vicarious affect matching with the Other, appreciating who the other person is as a possibility, taking a walk cognitively in the Other person’s shoes (while remembering to take off one’s own to avoid project), and responding to the Other in a form of words and gestures that indicates to the Other that the listener “got” that with which the Other was struggling. 

The key take-away on adult empathy with children in Christine Olden’s (1953) defining statement is as follows: when with a child, the adult is present to his or own fate as a child of the same age. Note that such a calling forth of the adult’s experience does not necessarily align his or her experience with that of the child in the moment, since the child may be happy and the adult unhappy (and so on), but the implicit experience called forth is the input to the empathic process of comparing and contrasting one’s own experience with that of the child out of which an empathic response can be produced. 

What is characteristic of those against empathy is that they engage with the weakest version of the empathically-relevant phenomena at issue, not the strongest. They engage with the breakdowns and misfirings of empathy such as emotional contagion, projection, conformity, and communications getting lost in translation. All these are real enough occurrence, and the recommendation is to improve on empathy by analyzing what occurred and taking steps to improve the practice in context. Yet the tactic of the anti-empaths is to roll these misfirings up into the definition of empathy, and then invalidate empathy. In contrast with this argumentative lack of charity, the sound practice of empathy “gets it” that empathy can fail; and it is precisely in overcoming these failures, obstacles and resistances that a rigorous and critical empathy comes forth and gets implemented. 

As noted above, the analytic philosopher of language Donald Davidson (1973: 136–137) innovated in defining a “a principle of [argumentative] charity.” One seeks for that in vain in Against Empathy, where the title itself seems to be a provocation. Nor is there anything wrong with that as such – just do not pretend that provocation and rhetoric (in the negative sense) are going to expand one’s empathy. Never was it truer, resistance to empathy makes obstacles to empathy a part of the defining features of empathy in order to dismiss it. 

For example, if one is suffering from compassion fatigue or empathic distress, which is a professional risk of first responders and members of the helping professions such as doctors and therapists, then one recommendation is to “dial down” the compassion and/or empathy. If one uncharitably weakens empathy or compassion by representing them as an “on off” switch, then one is faced with the false choice between these pro-social practices and hard-heartedness. However, if one represents compassion and empathy as being something that one can dial up and down, granted this requires practice and training, then one has the possibility of sampling the other person’s suffering and pain vicariously. One has a vicarious experience – a sample or trace affect of the Other’s experience – and one is able to put one’s toe in the river of the Other’s suffering (so to speak) without being flooded by it. Much remains to be said about this, but, for our present purposes, the point is to decline the false choice between more compassion and expanded empathy. Both are needed. 

A particularly problematic example that Bloom cites is the case in which empathy allegedly incites to violence. The example Bloom gives is the cases of lynchings of black men in the US South who were accused of raping white woman, in which lynchings, Bloom maintains, empathy for the white woman became a motive to the violence. How shall I put it delicately? Simply stated, lynchings were a way of maintaining white supremacy and domination of black people through violence and should never be represented in any other way. Racism is the systematic denial of empathy. 

These false accusations against innocent black men, who were literally grabbed off the street, are fanatical delusions similar to those that Jewish people drank the blood of Christian babies or that extra-terrestrials from Mars invaded New Jersey in 1931 – lies, damn lies, and total nonsense. I am sitting here holding my head in my hands and rocking back-and-forth quasi-catatonically. I am sick at heart. To site this racist accusation of rape as an example of empathy or motivating an empathic reaction is the reduction to absurdity of Bloom’s entire project. He just doesn’t get it. Even argumentative charity has its limits. At the very least, Bloom is tin-eared and unempathic to cite this common racist stereotype of rhetorical violence preceding physical violence, which is a tactic of domination, Jim Crow, white supremacy, and the imposition of injustice by violence. The most charitable thing to do to undo something so off the rails is to apologize and resign. 

On background for the reader’s historical empathy, in 1931 eight black young adults and one juvenile, henceforth known as “The Scottsboro Boys,” were falsely accused of raping two women. After examination by a medical doctor, no evidence of rape was found. They were tried by an all-white male jury for rape and sentenced to death for the rape(s) (except for the juvenile, who was sentenced to life in prison). The NAACP and the Communist Party (regarding the latter, even a broken clock tells the correct time twice a day) provided legal assistance to the young men and stopped the State from executing them; but they had to endure long and unjust years in prison. With this historical vignette of struggle for justice and empathy ringing in our ears, we turn to the next example of empathy under stress. 

Mutilated empathy

Migrant Aesthetics by Glenda Carpio sets up an either/or choice between ending empire (e.g., racism, colonialism, imperialism, and so on) and expanding a rigorous and critical empathy. The book then mutilates empathy by confusing it with projection, emotional contagion, conformity, and other forms of miscommunication. The result is some 285 pages of penetrating analysis in which the reader does not get a single example of the practice of empathy resulting in a successful empathic relatedness in literary fiction (which is the author’s area of expertise and discussion). The attempt by Migrant Aesthetics to force a choice between expanding empathy and ending (or limiting) empire must be refused. Both results – ending (limiting) empire and expanding empathy – are needed. More on that shortly. (See Glenda Carpio. (2023). Migrant Aesthetics: Contemporary Fiction, Global Migration, and the Limits of Empathy by Glenda Carpio (New York: Columbia University Press.)

The good news is that empathy works whether one names it or not, whether one believes in it or not. Contra Carpio’s constant carping (forgive me, I just couldn’t resist), the practice of a rigorous and critical empathy knows that it can be wrong and can break down, misfire or go astray, flat out fail, as projection, emotional contagion, conformity, or communications getting lost in translation. It is precisely in engaging with and overcoming these obstacles and resistances to empathy that empathic relatedness and community are brought forth. Like with most powerful methods, skills, or interventions, practice makes the master. As a successful and popular teacher, Carpio knows the value of empathy, nor is mention of the word itself required. 

The issue is that in 285 pages of penetrating, incisive analysis of migrant aesthetics (the category, not the title), Carpio does not provide a single example of what an effective empathy would look like. The reader is not given a single example of a healthy empathic relatedness that works, so that one could identify it if one happened to encounter it. This bears repeating: in some 285 pages of summary and analysis of the literary fictions of Dinaw Mengestu, Teju Cole, Aleksandar Hemon, Valeria Luiselli, Julie Otsuka, Junot Diaz, and some nonfiction of others, Migrant Aesthetics does not cite a single example of empathy that works right or functions as designed.

Not one. Granted that empathy does not always succeed, the reader of Migrant Aesthetics does not learn what a healthy, rigorous and critical empathy might look like if, rare as it may be (as empathy skeptics assert), if one happened to encounter empathy. None. Not one single example of what empathy looks like when it succeeds in producing empathic relatedness. This must give the reader pause. We take a step back—but not too far back.

Caprio asserts: “…[W]hat has been my central argument in this work: that the history of empire is key in understanding the roots of migration at a scale appropriate to its global dimensions (Carpio: p. 228).” That to be forced from one’s home and become a refugee of the road is definitely a source of pain, suffering, and trauma. Here the connection is direct—cause (routed from one’s home by aggression, starvation, etc.) and effect (pain, suffering, trauma). At the risk of over-simplification, yet a compelling one, white Europeans with cannons and machine guns go to Africa and Asia and exploit the natural resources and enslave or dominate the locals. A small subset of the locals is coopted—analogous to the concentration camp capos, both perpetrators and survivors (until they are not) being chosen from the prisoners—to make the job of domination by the ruling class easier. Even the surviving prisoners then become perpetrators as one starving prisoner “steals” bread or water from another or lies to save his own skin, thereby endangering another. And some of those local migrants journey back to headquarters, whether Boston, London, or New York, and some become the celebrated authors of migrant fiction (the literary distinction not the title).

Empathy is a powerful tool in deescalating conflict and restoring dignity to aggrieved parties and survivors of empire, and has been successfully employed in doing so from the troubles in Ireland to the Truth and Reconciliation session in South Africa (see Donna Hicks on Dignity (2011)). However, if anyone seriously believes that empathy is going to solve the problems created by empire, colonialism, imperialism, and so, then—how shall I put it delicately?—empathy is being “over sold.” This is usually the first step in setting up empathy as a “strawman” to be blamed for not fixing the many challenges facing civilized human beings committed to building a community that works for all persons. 

There are at least two hidden variables behind the problematic causal analysis of empire that would help connect the dots between empire and empathy-based solutions: Human aggression and human hunger (hunger for many things, but here for food). These human beings are an aggressive species—and biologically omnivores. People can be kind and compassionate and empathic, but they also can behave aggressively and violently. Even if committed vegetarians, people also need to eat quite regularly, if not exactly three times a day. 

To say, as Migrant Aesthetics does, that the arrival of the white European conquistador and their horses in the new world in 1492 was a catastrophe for the original inhabitants gets the measure of the event about right. In a way, the displacement of the Cherokee Nation from Georgia to Oklahoma is a kind of migration; but not really. It is a death march with strong aspects of genocide. 

By all means denounce empire, but a more useful approach consistent with such righteous indignation might be to elaborate an analysis of human aggression, territoriality, lack of education, lack of critical thinking, the disturbing tendency of many human beings (“true believers” (Hoffer 1951) fanatically to follow authoritarian figures off a cliff. In that context, empathy is a proven way of deescalating violence and aggression and restoring dignity to the survivors. 

There is a readiness assessment for empathy, and it requires that one be relatively safe and secure in one’s own person. Above all, the readiness requires a willingness to inquire into one’s own blind spots and preconscious biases. Empathy “the hard way” does not take the easy way out – e.g., bell hooks’ “eating the other” – the hard way includes the work of taking the Other’s perspective, giving up being righteous, giving up being aggrieved, asking for what one needs, and so on. 

As it stands, Migrant Aesthetics misunderstands empathy, mutilates it, and then blames empathy because empathy can be misapplied by migrant authors, some of the male members who are both perpetrators and survivors, for calling attention to their plight and that of the devalued Other within us all.

The other hidden variable is that these humans are a hungry species. At the risk of over-simplification, long since incurred, the development of Cyrus McCormick’s combine-wheat-reaper, and the follow-on agribusiness technology, allow some 2% of the population to grow enough food to feed the entire planet; and this in spite of the fact that human choices made under aggression continue to use food as a weapon of starvation. Prior to the Green Revolution, the other 98% of the population had to work twelve to sixteen hours a day to grow enough food to avoid slow death by starvation. As noted, the migrant classics, admittedly shot through with empire, of Willa Cather and Ole Edvart Rolvaag, confront hunger as an ever-present specter, pending a successful harvest. Meanwhile, apparently large dairy herds really do contribute to greenhouse gases. 

The grievance against empathy continues: Migrant Aesthetics  writes (p. 4): “More broadly, the genre of immigrant literature depends on a model of reading founded on empathy—a model that my book takes to task. Literature promotes empathy, we are told, but empathy can easily slip into a projection of readers’ feelings and even into outright condescension.” As a reader, I am holding my head in my hands and rocking back-and-forth quasi-catatonically. Projection is a breakdown of empathy. I am in disbelief at the lack of common sense, lack of critical thinking, and absence of argumentative charity in confusing empathy and projection. Projection is a misfiring and/or going off the rails of empathy. Projection is a “getting lost in translation” of empathy. Now attribute these to empathy and dismiss empathy. Hmmm.

As regards “a model of reading founded on empathy,” please stop right there. Reading the story would not work—would not make any sense—would, strictly speaking, be unintelligible without empathy. Reading and empathy are joined at the hip, so to say. Without empathy, the actions and contingencies, the struggles and high spirits, setbacks and successes, that are represented in the story would be strange sounds and gestures appearing to an anthropologist on Mars or on her first day in an alien culture, prior to marshalling her empathic skills. Never underestimate the power of storytelling, but absent empathy, it does not get traction. Reading is founded on empathy. Reading teaches one to walk in someone else’s shoes. Reading takes one to worlds that don’t exist, like the world of Harry Potter. One can feel what it was like for Rosa Parks to refuse to sit in the back of that segregated bus in 1955. This calls out the convergence of reading and empathy—both open up new worlds, both provide vicarious experiences of the lives of Others, both point to possibilities that had not previously been imagined. In both reading and empathy, we relate to an Other—in the one case in-person, in the other case, in-fiction or the vicarious presentation of historical narrative.

If the reader did not bring the capacity for empathy to the reading of the text, the text itself would not make sense. Reading the simplest narrative about a snowman melting in the spring thaw, much less Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina’s anguish at being patriarchally denied access to her son, would be unintelligible. Without the vicarious experience of empathic receptivity, the reading of the most dramatic fiction will be indistinguishable from reading the railroad schedule when the rail workers were on strike. Meaningless. Unintelligible. The water streaming from the abandoned child’s face would not be tears; the clenched fist would not be anger but an excess of adrenaline; the trembling would not be fear but Parkinson’s disorder. The migrant bones in the desert over which no one prayed would be calcified carbon, not an anguished cry for help and human response. 

Without empathy, one would perhaps be able to provide an accurate description, whether as fact or fiction is irrelevant here, of the Other’s behavior from a third person perspective, but the behavior would lack vitality, energy, strength, aliveness, and relatedness to the things that matter to human beings. One would truly be like the philosopher Descartes looking out the window at people on the street below, wondering if the entities that appear to be people are really instead robot-like automata. Descartes was practicing an exercise in radical doubt, whereas the reader that lacked the capacity for empathy would be practicing an exercise in radical draining of meaning from the text in every sense from pragmatics to semantics—encountering empty words describing empty behavior, as noted, like reading a train schedule during the railway strike, instead of reading an engaging narrative such as Anna’s emotional, moral, cognitive. spiritual struggles to attain self-knowledge and personal fulfillment. 

However, Migrant Aesthetic responds: You have now got the point. Drive out empathy to let justice and a small set of related responses come forth. It doesn’t work. Migrant Aesthetics “forecloses” (rejects) empathy, then immediately lets empathy back in. Empathy is indispensable, and it cannot be kept out.

Carpio (p. 8): “[…] [T]he writers I examine reject empathy as the main mode of rationality, opting instead for what Hannah Arendt called “representative thinking” that is, they urge reader to think, as themselves, from the position of another person and thus to call into question their own preconceptions and actions” [italics added]. Thus, Migrant Aesthetics rejects empathy while calling out “the position of another person,” which is precisely the folk definition of empathy.

Arendt’s reference here is of course to a single line in Immanuel Kant’s Third Critique (1791/93: AA 158) about “enlarged thinking” [erweiterten…Denkungart] that is, to think from the perspective of the Other. Sounds like the folk definition of empathy to me. This cipher of “enlarged thinking”, which remains unintegrated in Kant, became the inspiration for Arendt’s incomplete third volume of the life of the mind on political judgment. Once again, it is the folk definition of empathy.

The point is that Migrant aesthetics (the book, not the distinction) politicizes aesthetics with anti-fascist, anti-imperialist, anti-empire-ist commitments, rhetoric (in the classical sense), and expressions, without necessarily making practical recommendations for political action. Migrant Aesthetics expels empathy from the garden of artistic achievement, because empathy does not provide a stable basis for political action. 

Never underestimate the relevance of Immanuel Kant, yet if one wants measurable results from political action, apply Saul Alinsky’s Rules for Radicals (1971) or analysis based on Eric Hoffer’s The True Believer (1951), not Kant’s Third Critique. Hoffer calls out the mutilated logic of totalitarian thinking; and Alinsky knew quite a lot about building community, and though he did not use the word “empathy,” empathy lives in building community. (See also Tristam Adams. (2016). The Psychopath Factory: How Capitalism Organises Empathy, London: Repeater Books, so the capitalist takes a walk in the Other’s shoes in order to sell him another pair; is nice to the workers in order to improve productivity; it seems to work well enough – see also the Chapter in Lou Agosta, The Lazy Person’s Guide to Empathy (with illustrations by Alex Zonis) on “Empathy: Capitalist tool.”)

 In short, the rumor of empathy remains a rumor in the cases of Gad Saad’s Suicidal Empathy, Breithaupt’s Dark Empathy, Bloom’s Against Empathy or Carpio’s Migrant Aesthetics; the rumor is not confirmed; and empathy does not live in this work. It is where empathy goes to become projection, emotional contagion, and fake empathy. It is where empathy goes to become mutilated empathy like mutilated fragments of human bones in the desert. Don’t go there.

In summary, it is not a choice between expanding empathy and ending/reducing empire, and an engagement with both is needed. Survivors ask for empathy. When survivors are asked, “What do you want—what would make it better? What would soothe the trauma?” then rarely do they say punish the perpetrator (though occasionally they do). Mostly they ask for acknowledgement, to be heard and believed, to hear the truth about what happened, for apology, accountability, restitution, rehabilitation, prevention of further wrong (see Judith L. Herman, MD. (2023). Truth and Repair: How Trauma Survivors Envision Justice. New York: Basic Books). Rarely do survivors make forgiveness a goal if that would require further interaction with the perpetrator (though self-forgiveness should not be dismissed). It bears repeating: though both are needed, survivors do not ask for an end to empire, but for empathy.

References

Tristam Adams. (2016). The Psychopath Factory: How Capitalism Organises Empathy, London: Repeater Books

Lou Agosta. (2010). Empathy in the Context of Philosophy. London: PalgraveMacmillan.

Lou Agosta. (2018/2024). Empathy Lessons, 2nd Edition. Chicago: Two Pears Press.

Lou Agosta. (2025). Chapter 3: Empathy and its discontents, in Radical Empathy in the Context of Literature. Palgrave Macmillan Press. Click here to download. 

Lou Agosta. (2025). Radical Empathy in the Context of Literature. Palgrave Macmillan Press. Click here for Lou Agosta’s Amazon page.

Saul Alinsky. (1971). Rules for Radicals. New York: Vintage, 1989

Hannah Arendt. (1971). Eichmann in Jerusalem. New York: Viking Press: see especially pp. 105–106.

C. Daniel Batson. (2009), These things called empathy Eight related but Distinct Phenomena. In The Social Neuroscience of Empathy, eds. Jean Decety and William Ickes. Cambridge, MA: The MIT Press, 2009: 3–16.

Paul Bloom. (2016). Against Empathy. New York: Ecco (Harper Collins).

Fritz Breithaupt. (2017). The Dark Sides of Empathy, Andrew Hamilton (tr.). Ithaca, NYY: Cornell UP.

Glenda Carpio. (2023). Migrant Aesthetics: Contemporary Fiction, Global Migration, and the Limits of Empathy. New York: Columbia UP.

Simon Baron-Cohen. (2014). Zero degrees of empathy. RSA [Renaissance Society of America] Video Presentation: https://youtu.be/Aq_nCTGSfWE [checked on 2023-02-26]; 

Donald Davidson. (1973). Radical interpretation. In Inquiries into Truth and Interpretation. Oxford: The Clarendon Press, 2001: 125–139

Jean Decety and William Ickes. (2009). The Social Neuroscience of Empathy. Cambridge, MA: The MIT Press.

Jonathan Haber. (2020). Critical Thinking. Cambridge, MA: The MIT Press: 74.

Judith L. Herman, MD. (2023). Truth and Repair: How Trauma Survivors Envision Justice. New York: Basic Books

Donna Hicks. (2011). Dignity. New Haven: Yale UP.

Eric Hoffer. (1951). The True Believer. New York: Random.

Immanuel Kant. (1791/93). Critique of the Power of Judgment, trans. Paul Guyer and Eric Matthews. Cambridge: Cambridge UP, 2013: AA 158.

Heinz Kohut. (1981). “On Empathy,” The Search for the Self: Volume 4: Selected Writings of Heinz Kohut 1978-1981, London: Karnac Books, 2011: 525–535; see 529, 580 on empathy as vicarious introspection.

Susan Lanzoni. (2018). Empathy: A History. New Haven: Yale University Press; Micah Zenko. (2015). Red Team: How to Succeed by Thinking Like the Enemy. New York: Basic Books.

The Ludlow Massacre: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ludlow_Massacre

Christine Olden. (1953). On adult empathy with children. Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, Vol 8 [annual]: 111–126.

Namwali Serpall. (2019). The banality of empathy. The New York Review: https://www.nybooks.com/online/2019/03/02/the-banality-of-empathy/?lp_txn_id=1496946 [checked on 10/20/2023].

Tunku Varadarajan. (July 10, 2026): Gad Saad on Suicidal Empathy and Western Decline: https://www.wsj.com/opinion/gad-saad-on-suicidal-empathy-and-western-decline-cdae269f?st=6zthGs&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink

Frans de Waal, Oct 3, 2009, Our kinder, gentler ancestors: https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052748704471504574449012560741086?st=jhYLwQ&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink

Frans de Waal. (2009). The Age of Empathy: Nature’s Lessons for a Kinder Society. New York: Harmony Books (Random House).

Tara Wells. (2017). Compassion is better than empathy, Psychology Today:  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-clarity/201703/compassion-is-better-empathy?msockid=38a4e0db840c639d1086f7d48545627f

Micah Zenko. (2015). Red Team: How to Succeed by Thinking Like the Enemy. New York: Basic Books.

Note: No generative AI or AI of any kind was used in the preparation and execution of this blog post or its publication or recorded version.

© Lou Agosta, PhD and the Chicago Empathy Project


[1] Daniel Paul Schreber (1842 – 1911) is the most famous schizophrenic of the late 19th and early 20th Century. He was the equivalent of a federal judge before his illness and in a successful attempt to convince the authorities of his recovery and to release him he wrote Memoirs of a Nervous Illness New York, trans. Ida Macalpine and Richard A. Hunter: New York Review of Books Publications, 2000.  Sigmund Freud, Carl Gustave Jug, and Karl Jaspers all engaged with Schreber’s work in their own respective ways. Also relevant are Louis Sass (1994). The Paradoxes of Delusion: Wittgenstein, Schreber, and the Schizophrenic Mind. Ithaca, NY: Cornell University Press and Eric Santner. (1996). My Own Private Germany: Daniel Paul Schreber’s Secret History of Modernity. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.


[1] 1968–2001: Executed by Federal authorities on June 11, 2001 for the bombing of the Alfred P Murrah Federal Building in April 1995 in which 168 people, including 19 children, were killed and 680 injured. 

(c) Lou Agosta, PhD and the Chicago Empathy Project

“Empathy is hard” is different than hard empathy

If you start a conversation by saying, “I am committed to expanding empathy in the individual and community,” then some people think you are a pushover. Weak. Vulnerable to bullying. Nothing could be further from the truth. Hard empathy (sometimes also called “radical empathy”) is different than “empathy is hard.” A lack of attention to hard empathy is another reason that being empathic is harder than it needs to be. And this post explains why by distinguishing hard empathy from soft empathy.

Listen to this post as a podCast on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2NA04JeYNJUlOS5EOKxZYF?si=b355bf82b05d4bc7

The innovation proposed here is to think of empathy, like so many things these days, as existing on a spectrum between empathy as “empathic listening” and empathy as “tough love.” A rigorous and critical empathy includes both options, which maps to the difference between “soft empathy” and “hard empathy,” and a sliding scale of possibilities in-between. 

Thus, the stereotype of standard empathy is described accurately as “soft empathy.” After giving the other person a good listening, one responds: “I get it, man, you are really dealing with some tough stuff there.” “I get you, man, it sounds like a lot of things are going wrong at once – that can’t be easy.” “No use sugar coating things or pretending things could be worse when they are already sooo bad.” One validates the other person’s struggle and effort, which in itself can trigger a shift in the other person’s experience and attitude. Never underestimate the power of empathy of any kind to shift the other person out of stuckness and into an emotional equilibrium that enables the person to take action on their own behalf to improve their situation. However, usually when one talks about “empathy,” one means a version of “soft empathy.” 

The short folk definition of empathy is used here. Empathy is taking a walk in the other person’s shoes (after having first taken off one’s own to avoid projection). Different aspects of empathy encompass having a vicarious experience of the other person’s experience; appreciating who the other person is as a possibility; taking the alternative point of view of the other person (the folk definition); and formulating an empathic response that communicates that the listener “gets” what the other person (the speaker) has told to the listener. Note that in an empathic response, the listener has become the speaker and is sharing in a form of words, communicating back to the other person what the listener has “gotten” in listening to the other person.  

The challenge is that soft empathy does not work in dealing with bullies, aggressors, psychopaths, antisocial personality disorder, corrupt politicians, gangsters selling fire insurance, and bad actors of diverse kinds too numerous to list here (and so this list is not complete). This has led anti-empathy proponents to assert that empathy is a kind of suicide. For example, in a famine, one gives away one’s last morsel of food to a hungry person, and both starve to death. In an overcrowded life boat, one keeps taking on survivors treading water in the shark infested area around the life boat until the boat is swamped and all end up perishing. 

Such thought experiments are useful in provoking debate and thinking about tough cases. However, in so far as such thought experiments set up a narrative that already robs the participants of agency, such stories are not so much about empathy as about moral dilemmas and tragic circumstances. Do not overlook that if you are in a life boat, it is because your ship sank. You do not need more empathy; you need rescue. If you are in a famine, do not forget that there is demonstrably enough food to feed everyone on the planet, but food is used as a weapon by bad actors pursuing problematic political agendas; and the breakdown in empathy occurs upstream in the interrupted supply chain, not in desperate sharing among starving survivors. (Regarding Suicidal Empathy see:  https://louagosta.com/2026/05/22/suicidal-empathy-is-in-the-news-what-you-need-to-know-to-debunk-the-anti-empathy-skeptics/)

Responding empathically leaves the empathizing individual vulnerable to the would-be bad actor’s manipulations, deceptions, and interrogations. This is so even if the listener sticks to mirroring responses, giving back the other person what one gets from them, and validation. Without employing a rigorous and critical empathy, one is not on the slippery slope of dancing with the devil, one is already going steady with him. 

In dealing with such tough cases and difficult individuals, one can indeed engage from a position of empathy, but the recommendation is to hit the pause button on the softer aspect of empathy, one may usefully temporarily dial down the aspects of empathy such as kindness, niceness, generosity, and so on, and establish boundaries, set limits, push back, and think like one’s opponent by using “top down,” cognitive empathy. In situations where conflict is occurring empathy includes “war gaming” different scenarios in such a way that risks, vulnerabilities, simulations, and alternative points of view are included.

This is sometimes called “Red Teaming,” because the “home team” splits into sides – red and blue (plus a referee) – and simulates the problem and “games” different outcomes. Red Team is an entire fascinating study in itself and the interested reader may usefully consult Micah Zenko, 2015, Red Team: How to Succeed by Thinking Like the Enemy (New York: Basic Books). See also the blog post on Red Team: https://empathylessons.com/2022/02/27/empathy-in-time-of-war-red-team-red-team/

I hasten to add that it is highly improbable that anyone committed to empathy is going to become hard-hearted or cruel, but rather exercise expanded thoughtfulness in considering the consequences of gratitude and generosity, etc. Thus, the image of Lou Gossett Jr as Drill Sgt Emil Foley from the film An Officer and a Gentleman, which accompanies this post, should not be taken literally. This post prefers the description “tough love” to “boot camp,” but it must be acknowledged there is an aspect of boot camp to tough love.

Louis Gossett Jr as Sgt Emil Foley in the film An Officer and a Gentleman

Regarding empathy of all kinds in all kinds of situations, the fallacy is to try to force a choice between the softer aspects of empathy such as kindness, generosity, or gratitude and survival.  Sometimes kindness helps one to survive, sometimes not so much. Likewise, such is the case with empathy. 

What then is this “hard empathy” about which we have heard so little? “Hard empathy” is where a rigorous and critical empathy comes into its own. Hard empathy has its source in “Don’t hurt yourself! (Or anyone else.)” For example, consider the empathic response after listening to a person describe his or her unhealthy relationship with alcoholic beverages. This goes from “I get you, man, alcohol is a ‘solution’ that reduces stress after a hard day of work” to “Alcohol is a solution [and not a good one] – you need a better solution – can you think of better solution?” It’s up to the client to come up with one such as – go to the gym, call a friend (and meet for coffee), practice yoga, Tai Chi, or meditative breathing, and so on. That’s the tough love – if you keep drinking like this, you are going to hurt yourself or someone you love. That’s the hard empathy. 

Soft empathy does not work (or at least does not work well) with bullies or a short list of difficult individuals including psychopaths and the criminally insane. How does hard empathy apply? If a bully is attempting to bully you, the empathic response is “de-escalation.” That includes saying something like “This does not work for me” and leaving, departing, escaping. However, suppose the person is the boss or a romantic partner who is throwing a temper tantrum. The best response may still be de-escalation: “I declare a breakdown in communication and am taking a ten minute [or one hour or one day] time out.” Ultimately the solution may require updating one’s resume or finding a calmer partner, but we are talking here about dealing with the moment of crisis and upset.

Taking a step back, what if walking away is not workable? Making the thought experiment even more confrontational, suppose one cannot leave or escape. Then the empathic response consists in several further steps to de-escalate empathically. 

(1) Take steps to ensure one’s own safety. Key term: safety. Maintain physical, social distance. Reduce external stimuli such as loud background noises, TV, bright lights. If there is a kitchen, where there may be knives or sharp objects, stay or get out of it. 

(2) Focus on keeping yourself calm as best you can. Breathe in and out. 

(3) If the other person is verbally abusive or name-calling, do not respond in kind. Do not say anything to make a difficult, bad situation worse. You may consider responding in that way to provocative questions: “I am not going to say anything to make a difficult situation worse.” Then proceed to the next step.

(4) In fact, empathy shows that someone who is bullying and/or having a temper tantrum is in an altered state of consciousness. They have not been drinking alcohol or tripping, but it is almost as if they had been doing so. Whatever you say to them does not get through and sounds like “Blah, blah, blah!” You may have to repeat yourself: “Let’s talk when we are both calmer.” 

(5) In the follow up, be consistent, do not confess to something you did not do, do not walk on eggshells, and do not retaliate. These are all easier said than done, of course, but they must both be said and done. Note that “do not retaliate” does not  mean there is no cost and impact to the temper tantrum. If the bully smashes the key board in a fit of temper, the bully is liable to replace it. The cost and impact are a part of the consequences and may include criminal damage to property. 

(6) In instances where there are significant differences in power and the available means of force, for example, the boss is a bully, one is trapped in the life boat with the bully, consider placating, including pretending agreement where none may actually exist in order to escape from a violent outcome. I know an example in which lying with reckless abandon saved a person’s life from an attempt on it, and gave the survivor time to call law enforcement. These are extreme situations where soft empathy is useless and hard empathy can make a positive difference. Nor does this mean that empathy advocates are promoting lying. Any priest, rabbi, imam, or spiritual guide will tell one that one must considering lying in order to save a life when no other options are workable. 

Hard empathy includes the standard aspects of empathy such as the communication of feeling based on an active listening to the other; an understanding of the other person based on who the other is as the possibility of power, self-expression, and freedom; appreciating the point of view of the other based on their perspective, not the listener’s; and responsiveness that give back to the other person their own experience in a form of words that expresses what the other communicated to the listener. This empathic responsiveness is where hard empathy comes into its own by “speaking truth to power.” 

This expression was coined by Bayard Rustin (1912–1987; the principal organizer of the 1963 March on Washington at which Martin Luther King gave his celebrated “I have a dream” speech) to describ the non-violent but assertive behavior on the part of leaders such as Mahama Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, Desmond Tutu, the Dalai Lama, and many more. The empathic aspect lives in the assumption that the authorities perpetrating the social injustice (or other problematic behavior) are human beings like oneself capable of reforming their ways. If this assumption is not valid – one is dealing with Nazis with machine guns – all bets are off. However, do not be too hasty in jumping to the misguided conclusion and self-fulfilling prophecy that anyone who disagrees with you is a Nazis with a machine gun. For example, when Terri Givens writes about “radical empathy” I assert that what this post is calling “hard empathy” is included. This is what is required to engage with “wicked” problems such as racial prejudice (e.g., see Terri E. Givens, 2021, Radical Empathy: Finding a Path to Bridging Racial Divides, Bristol, UK: Policy Press).  

This does not complete the conversation about hard empathy, but gets it off to a good start. A different aspect of hard empathy comes forth in the face of life circumstances with which it is hard to empathize. This includes the standard complaint about soft empathy in the helping professions. Regular exposure to other people’s trauma leaves the would-be empathizer experiencing burn out, compassion fatigue, and empathic distress. This is empathy the hard way, which is not so different from hard empathy. Hard empathy is committed to empathizing in the face of the breakdown of soft empathy due to the in-bound traumatic load being just too much to bear on the part of the would-be empathizer.

Extreme situations—that threaten death or grave injury to innocent people—call forth hard empathy. Standard (soft) empathy is challenged by extreme situations out of remote, hard-to-grasp experiences to become hard empathy.  Someone protests: “You can’t possibly know what I’ve been through!” Tue enough, but when you are hanging from the cliff above the abyss by a frayed line that is about to break, every rock face looks pretty much alike. 

The following is not the truth with a capital “T,” but consider the possibilities: Either one has lost a child or not lost a child; either one has survived a dreaded disease or not survived a dreaded disease; either one has given birth or not given birth; either one has been incarcerated in a concentration camp or one has not (e.g., Keen 2022: 43; Bettelheim 1943/1960). 

The word “empathy” is inscribed over the gate in the fence between self and Other. That is precisely one description of hard empathy—the gate does not open, but one is committed to getting over the fence in any case. One climbs over the fence or digs under it or straps on a hang glider or like Steve McQueen in The Great Escape, one finds a ramp for one’s motor cycle and launches oneself Evel-Knievel style on a wing and a prayer into thin air.

Empathy is always empathy and hard empathy applies the same four aspects of relatedness—receptivity, understanding, interpretation, and responsiveness. Hard empathy emerges from standard, soft empathy, when standard empathy breaks down, misfires, and/or fails in the face of empathic distress (including “burn out” or “compassion fatigue”). 

Empathic distress is itself a function of physical trauma, moral trauma, double binds, soul murder, and tragic circumstances that act to destroy possibilities of human flourishing, strength, aliveness, energy, and/or vitality. As a matter of definition, “soul murder” is defined by Henrik Ibsen’s John Gabriel Borkman (1896), as destroying (through emotional or physical abuse) the possibility of love, but is generalized here to include destroying the possibility of generating new possibilities (Shengold 1989). 

Hard empathy is attained when standard empathy honors the commitment to empathize in the face of empathic distress. This is empathy the “hard way,” and it is rare. No other way exists of attaining hard empathy than through empathy pure-and-simple—“standard empathy”—and much of the work accomplished here engages with the break downs of standard empathy as emotional contagion, projection, pressure to conform, and communications getting “lost in translation.” The repairs of these misfirings—and, it must be acknowledged, failures—of standard empathy lead the way to radical empathy. 

A person is asked to make a decision that no one should have to make. Join the “revolution” or I will kill your family. Sophie’s choice. Fall on the hand grenade. It doesn’t go off. A person is asked to make a decision that no one is able to make—and yet the person makes the decision anyway, even if the person does nothing, because doing nothing is making a decision. A person is asked to make a decision that no one is entitled to make, which include most decisions about who should live or die (or be gravely injured). The result is moral trauma—the person is both a perpetrator and a survivor. Now empathize with that. No one said it would be easy. Many questions open up here about hard empathy and its relationship to soft empathy as standardly defined. For further reading see the blog post in which “radical empathy” covers most of what is discussed here as “hard empathy”:  A concise talk on trauma and radical empathy: https://empathylessons.com/2025/08/22/a-concise-talk-on-trauma-and-radical-empathy/↗

Whether or not to mention “empathy” and when to do so is now a question similar to whether or not to talk about politics or religion at the job or with the in-laws. It is risky. People have always wanted to hear other people agree with them. Who wants to encounter disagreement? However, the wide spread distribution of social media has made worse the “echo chamber” effect of encountering little else except agreement. Nuance and fine-grained distinctions are out. Conformity and uniformity are in. Indeed, conformity is on the short list of the ways that empathy (whether hard or soft) breaks down, including emotional contagion, projection, and communications “lost in translation” (to call out the name of a now classic movie about breakdowns in communication).

A final concern. The number of conversations about empathy that do not even mention an active, dedicated listening committed to responsiveness is really shocking. If the would-be critic of empathy as such does not first acknowledge the need to listen, then the critique is talking about something else (whether pity, compassion, kindness, etc.), not empathy. I hasten to add that since empathy is practiced by error-prone, fallible humans, empathy requires constant practice and improvement. The concise advice on how to do that – whether in hard or soft form – is to clean up the breakdowns of empathy. Clean up emotional contagion, projection, conformity, communications lost in translations and empathy naturally comes forth and expands. The vast majority of people want to be empathy, even if they do not get enough empathy, and will embrace the opportunity to relate empathically.

Thus, the final recommendation is don’t talk about “empathy,” rather make empathy the source of your talk and actions. Okay, please say more about that. Consider the possibility that whether or not one drops the word “empathy” into the conversation, it will be perfectly obvious after about two minutes of talking whether one or more of the participants are “coming from” empathy. Nine times out of ten, you don’t need to say it. As Bob Dylan famously noted in another context, people may try to relate to you and me in a lot of different ways: “block you up / Shock or knock or lock you up / Analyze you, categorize you / Finalize you or advertise you”.[1] The lyrics go on like that for a while. If someone is trying to shock you, sell you something, inform you of their point of view, get you to do or not do something, enroll you in their program, “make you spin or do you in,” then you are in a different world than being appreciated you for who you are as a possibility and as a human being. As Dylan finally says, “All I really wanna do, baby, is be friends with you,” which is itself a statement that calls forth the growing cynicism of people presenting as your “friend.” Friends don’t spam one another. The same kind of thing can be said about a short-list of closely related attitudes, actions, and approaches to empathic human relations such as dignity, respect, kindness, generosity, gratitude, and, yes, friendship. 

Finally, these admittedly sometimes rambling reflections point to a further type of empathy that may need to be rolled up into basic empathy, cognitive empathy, affective empathy and sustained empathy, namely, hard empathy (sometimes also called “radical empathy”). Hard empathy is precisely that which the trauma survivors are implicitly and indirectly discussing when they assert that having survived and worked through the trauma (whether in therapy, mediation, yoga, or other intervention) has enhanced their empathic ability. Hard empathy is the commitment to empathy in the face of compassion fatigue, burnout, and empathic distress, which are the risks to empathy (causing empathy’s breakdown) that come forth in the face of trauma. For example, hard empathy is what is required to engage with “wicked” problems such as racial prejudice (e.g., see Terri E. Givens, 2021, Radical Empathy: Finding a Path to Bridging Racial Divides, Bristol, UK: Policy Press.  

Admittedly there are not a lot of publications on empathy and trauma, much less radical empathy and trauma, which is precisely why this discussion (and debate) is so important. There has been significant progress in the uses and definitions of empathy since Davis published his work in 1980 (and David Hume his, in 1736 when it was still called “sympathy”). For a short overview of radical empathy and trauma see Lou Agosta, 2025, A short “Ted Talk” trauma and radical empathy, in Radical Empathy in the Context of Literature, New York: Palgrave Macmillan: pp. 203 – 211 (admirably concise!).  Just as sustained empathy builds on basic empathy, affective empathy and cognitive empathy, so too does “hard empathy” build on all the former as an emergent function that makes possible non-incremental results in recovery from trauma and related life challenges. Regardless of how one designates the distinction of non-standard empathy, one is not going to get far in engaging with trauma without a radical form of hard empathy. 

References 

Lou Agosta. 2025. A short “Ted Talk” trauma and radical empathy, in Radical Empathy in the Context of Literature, New York: Palgrave Macmillan: pp. 203 – 211.

Lou Agosta. (2018). Empathy Lessons, 2n Edition. Chicago: Two Pears Press.

Bruno Bettelheim. (1943). Individual and mass behavior in extreme situations. Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, Vol. 38: 416-452. Anthologized in various collections including, Bettelheim. (1960). The Informed Heart: Autonomy in a Mass Age. New York: Free Press. 

Mark H. Davis. (1980). A Mulitdimensional Approach to Individual Differences in Empathy. JSAS [Journal Supplement Abstract Service] Catalog of Selected Documents in Psychology, 10, 85–100.

Bob Dylan. 1964. All I really want do song lyrics]. Bob Dylan: The Lyrics: 1961–2012. New York: Simon and Schuster, 2004: p. 113.

Terri E. Givens, 2021, Radical Empathy: Finding a Path to Bridging Racial Divides, Bristol, UK: Policy Press.

David Hume. 1736. A Treatise of Human Nature. Indianapolis: Bobby-Merrill Press.

Henrik Ibsen. (1896). John Gabriel Borkman, tr W. Archer (tr.). New York: Project Gutenburg e-Book, 2006.

Suzanne Keen. (2022). Reading and Empathy. London: Routledge.

Bayard Rustin. (1912–1987). Biographical report on: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bayard_Rustin

Leonard Shengold. (1999). Soul murder revisited. [URL checked  on 2023/11/11] https://archive.nytimes.com/www.nytimes.com/books/first/s/shengold-soul.html.

Micah Zenko. (2015). Red Team: How to Succeed by Thinking Like the Enemy. New York: Basic Books.

Image Credit: Lou Gossett Jr as Drill Sargent Emil Foley, with acknowledgement to Paramount Pictures and Screen Daley

No generative AI was used in the preparation of this post. None. 

© Lou Agosta, PhD and the Chicago Empathy Project


[1] Bob Dylan, 1964, “All I really want do,” Bob Dylan: The Lyrics: 1961–2012. New York: Simon and Schuster, 2004: p. 113.

Automating empathy – issues and answers

I saw an advertisement today: “Empathy can’t be automated” 

Made me think: What is the evidence pro and con?

The obvious question is “Well, can you?”

The debate is joined. This turns out to be a trick question. The intuition on my part is that one cannot automate empathy, but perhaps one can simulate it, and then the simulation turns out to be something quite like the “automating empathy” of the title.

Defining our terms

However, before further debate, we need to define our terms. “Receiving empathy” is defined in rough-and-ready terms as one person (the speaker expressing/sharing something) “feeling heard” by the other person (the listener). “Feeling heard,” in turn, means the speaker believes he or she has been “understood,” “gotten for who the sharer is as a possibility.” The celebrity psychotherapist Carl Rogers said things about empathy such as getting inside the frame of reference of the other person and experiencing (not just intellectualizing) the other’s point of view: “…to see his [her] private world through his eyes” (Rogers 1961: 34). 

If one wants to get a tad more technical about defining empathy, then consider Heinz Kohut’s approach that empathy is “vicarious introspection,” i.e., one knows what the other individual is experiencing, feeling, etc. because one has a vicarious experience of the other’s experience (Kohut 1959). I listen to you and get “the movie of your life.” Less technically, Kohut famously quotes one of his psychoanalytic patients (he was a medical doctor) as saying that being given a good [empathic] listening was like sinking into a warm bath (Kohut 1971; note I will update this post as soon as I can find the exact page). Presumably that meant it was relaxing, de-stressing, emotionally calming. 

“Simulation” is producing a functionally similar result using a different means or method. For example, in the history of science, Lord Kelvin, one of the innovators of thermo-dynamics simulated the action of the ocean tides using a mechanism of ropes and pulleys [Kenneth Craik 1943: 51 (“Kelvin’s tide-predictor”)]. Thus, one does not have a social relationship with a bot, one has a “para-social relationship.” According to Sam Altman, some 1% of ChatGPT users had a “deep attachment” to the app – a kind of “rapport” – sounds like an aspect of “empathy” to me. Maybe not a therapist, but how about a “life coach”? (https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/19/business/chatgpt-gpt-5-backlash-openai.html)

One misunderstanding needs to be cleared up. Entry level empathy is often presented as reflecting back on the part of the would-be empathic listener what the potential recipient of empathy expresses in words (and sometimes also in behavior). Though the value of being able to reflect the words the other person expresses is great, this is a caricature of empathy. For example, that the client comes in and says “I am angry at the boss” and the listener responds “You feel angry.” Pause for cynical laugh. 

Now one should never underestimate the value of actually comprehending the words spoken by the speaker. Reflecting or mirroring back what is said, more-or-less literally, is a useful exercise in short-circuiting the internal chatter that prevents a listener from really hearing the words that the other person puts into the interpersonal space of conversation. 

The exercise consists in engaging and overcoming the challenge: “I can’t hear you because my opinions of what you are saying are louder than what you are saying; and my opinions drown out your words!” So the empathic commitment is to quiet and quiesce the listener’s internal chatter and be with the other person in a space of nonjudgment, acceptance, and tolerance. In a certain sense, the empathy automaton (“bot”) has an advantage because, while the bot may have a software bug or generate an inappropriate response, it does not have an “internal chatter.”

Entry level empathy automation: repeating, mirroring, reflecting

So far, there is nothing here that cannot be automated

On background, this entry level of empathy was automated – reflect back what was said in at least in a rough-and-ready way – in 1966 by Joseph Weizenbaum’s MIT prototype of a natural language processor, a very primitive “chat-bot,” ELIZA. This was an attempt at natural language processing at a high level and was not restricted to science, therapy, life coaching, business, education, or any random area of conversation. The approach of ELIZA was to reflect, mirror back, repeat the statements made to it (the computer app) by the human participant in the conversation (which used a key board to type the exchange). 

Here’s the surprising, unpredicted result: The example of the software ELIZA, which mirrors back what the person says to it, was experienced by users to be comforting and even “therapeutic,” granted in a hard-to-define sense. As far as I know, no attempts at a sustained therapeutic or empathic relationship were ever undertaken, so the data is anecdotal, yet compelling. 

Could it be that we persons are designed to attribute “mindedness” – that the other person (or, in this case, participant software) has a human-like mind – based on certain behavioral clues such as responding to the speaker with words and meanings used by the speaker or that support the speaker or even disagree with the speaker in a way that takes the input and provides meaningful feedback? This gets one a caricature of the role of therapist of the school of Carl Rogers (whose many innovative contributions are not to be dismissed), in which the listener mainly reflects back the words of the client and/or asks non-directive questions such as “How do you feel about that?” or “Will you please say more about that?” 

In contrast, we find there is more to empathy than mere mirroring and reflection of words. For example, Heinz Kohut (1971, 1977), an empathy innovator, gives the example of meeting a new prospective client who begins the conversation with a long list of the client’s own failings, short comings, and weaknesses, dumping on himself and building a case that he is really a jerk (or words to that effect). The guy is really going full throttle in dumping on himself. The person then pauses and asks, “What do you think of that?” Based on his empathic listening and the feeling that Kohut got in being with the person, he replies “I think you are feeling very lonely.” The man bursts into tears – finally someone has heard him! Now this is just one vignette from a long and complicated process, in which there were many moments of empathic convergence and divergence. The point is this exchange was not a predictable result, nor likely a result to have been produced by mere mirroring; nor is this vignette dismissible by saying that Kohut was merely a master practitioner (which he was), who could not tell what he was doing but just did it. Kohut wrote several books to document his practice, so he tells a lot about what he was doing and how to do it. 

In a prescient reflection, which anticipates the current debate by nearly half a century, Kohut wrote: 

“…[M]an [people] can no more survive psychologically in a psychological milieu that does not respond empathically to him, than he can survive physically in an atmosphere that contains no oxygen. Lack of emotional responsiveness, silence, the pretense of being an inhuman computer-like machine which gathers data and emits interpretations, do not more supply the psychological milieu for the most undistorted delineation of the normal and abnormal features of a person’s psychological makeup than do an oxygen-free environment…” (Kohut 1977: 253)

Empathy is oxygen for the soul. What Kohut could not appreciate – and which computer science could not even imagine in 1977 – is that large language models would be able to simulate affective responsiveness, chattiness, agreeableness, even humor, that would put to shame the relatively unemotional unresponsiveness of the classic approach to psychoanalysis, in which the analyst is an emotionally neutral (and hence “cold”) screen onto which the client project his issues. It should be noted this classic unresponsiveness is a caricature and stereotype to which few real world psychoanalysts rigidly adhere, rather like the cynical anecdote of the analyst who removes the tissue from his consulting room to prevent indulgent weeping instead of talking.

Granted, one should not assume that a therapeutic bot would (or would not) work as well as a human therapist or empathy consultant; but, for the sake of argument, let us suppose that it does work as well (and work as badly?), either in certain circumstances or new, improved future releases, which are to be anticipated with highly probability. 

Fast forward to today’s large language models (LLMs)

Therefore, fast forward these sixty years from Joseph Weizenbaum’s prototype (MIT 1965) to today’s large language models that beat human beings at playing Jeopardy – an elaborate word game requiring natural language – and what then becomes possible? One of the challenges of talk therapy (or empathy consulting, etc.) is that it is powerful and demonstrably effective, but not scalable. It does not scale up to meet the market demands of thousands of people who are struggling with mental illness or those who, while not satisfying criteria for mental illness, would still benefit from a conversation for possibility. 

A human therapist (or empathy consultant) has eight hours in a standard workday and if the therapist meets with emotionally upset people during all those hours, then the therapist is at risk of upset, too, confronting compassion fatigue, burn out, or empathic distress in somewhere between two weeks and two years. Hence, the popularity of fifteen-minute medication management session on the part of psychiatrists (MDs), the current dominant practice design, an approach presenting challenges of its own. Medications are powerful and can address disordered mood, anxiety, and pathological thinking, yet often the underlying (individual, social, community, nonbiological) issues remain unaddressed, due to finances and schedule, and so remain unengaged and unresolved. 

Hence, the current market of long wait times, high costs, high frustration, challenges to find a good fit between therapist and client, all resulting in suffering humanity – above all suffering humanity. (Note also that, while this article often talks about “therapy,” many of the same things can be said about “life coaching,” “consulting,” “counseling,” and so on; and these latter will not be mechanically repeated, but are implicated.

As regards the market, the problematic scalability of one-on-one talk therapy and the lengthy time needed for professional training and the acquisition of a critical mass of experience, results in a market shortage of competent therapists and related empathy consultants. For the prospective patient (i.e., customer) the question often comes down to:  “how desperate are you?” as a client struggling with emotional, spiritual, behavioral health issues. The cynical (and not funny) response is “Pretty near complete panic!” If one is desperate enough – out of work, relationships in breakdown, attracted to unhealthy solutions such as alcohol – then a “good enough bot” just might be something worth trying. Note that all the usual disclaimers apply here – it would be interesting to consider a double-blind test between real human therapists and therapy bots. Unfortunately, the one really un-overcome-able advantage of a human therapist – the ability to be in-person in the same physical space – cannot be double-blinded (at least at the current state of the art) in a test. Having raised the possibility, I have deep reservations about the personal risks of such an approach. That there is a market for such services is different than having such an automated approach imposed on consumers by insurance corporations to expand would-be monopoly profits.  

Another possible advantage of automation (albeit with a cynical edge): People who are socially awkward might prefer to get started with a virtual therapy bot. One clever startup has called their prototype platform a “Woebot”. Get it? Not a “robot,” but a “Woebot.” (Note – the Woebot uses a database of best practices, not a large language model.) 

Now these socially struggling individuals might be a tad naïve as such an approach would prevent them from engaging with the very issue that is troubling them – interacting with people. On the other hand, one might argue it would be like “exposure therapy,” for example, for the person who has a snake phobia and is presented with a photo or a rubber snake as the first step of therapy. Likewise, in the case of an empathic relationship, one would have to “graduate” to an authentic, non-simulated human presence – the real snake!

What is one trying to automate?

If one is going to automate empathy using a therapy-bot, then presumably one should be able to say what it is that one is trying to automate – that is, simulate. There are four aspects of empathy that require simulation – for the client, (1) the experience (“belief”) that one has been heard – that the meaning of the message has been received and, so to speak, not gotten lost in translation; (2) the communication of affect and emotion – that the listener knows what the speaker is feeling and experiencing because the listener feels it too; (3) who is the other person as a possibility in the context of the standards to which the individual conforms in community; (4) putting oneself in the place of the other person’s perspective (“point of view” (POV)). 

Most of these things – taking the other’s point of view, vicarious experience of the other’s experience, engaging with possibilities of relatedness, commitment to clear communication – come naturally to most people, but require practice. Humans seem to be designed spontaneously to assume multiple perspectives – one assumes other people have minds (beliefs, feelings, wants, impulses) like oneself, but then we get caught up in “surviving the day” on “automatic pilot,” and forget the individual is part of the community, throwing away the assumptions and preferring the egocentric one – it’s all about me! It takes commitment to empathy and practice to overcome such limitations. A person experiences a rush of emotions, but then forget it could be coming from the other person and succumb to emotional contagion. Who the other person is as a possibility is not much appreciated in empathy circles, but it an essential part of the process of getting from stuckness to flourishing and requires empathy at every step. 

There is nothing described here, once again, that cannot in theory be automated. Indeed human beings struggle with all these aspects of being empathic, and the requirements of automation are non-trivial, but can be improved by trial and error. The over-simplifications required to automate a process end up feeding back and giving the empathy practitioner insight into the empathic process as implemented in the human psychobiological complex, the complete human being. 

There is nothing wrong – but there is something missing

Ultimately what is missing from automating empathy is the human body – the chatbot is unable to BE in the space with you in a way that a human being can be with you. The empathy is in the interface. And the empathy for the human being is often the face. The human face is an emotional “hot spot.” The roughly thirty muscles in the human face, some of which are beyond voluntary control, can combine in some 7000 different ways to express an astonishingly wide range of emotions starting with anger, fear, high spirits (happiness), sadness and extending to truly subtle nuances of envy, jealousy, righteous indignation, contempt, curiosity, and so on. The result is facial recognition software of which “emotional recognition” is the next step as implemented by such companies as Affectiva (the corporation) (see Agosta 2015 in references). The software that recognizes the emotions and affects of the speaker based on a calculus of facial expressions (and the underlying muscles) as documented by Paul Ekman (2003). Now combine such an interface with an underling automation of empathy by a not-yet-developed system, and the state-of-the-art advances.

The skeptic may say, but what if the therapist is a psychoanalyst and you are using the couch so that the listener is listening out of sight, hidden behind the client, who is lying comfortably looking at the Jackson Pollack drip painting on the wall in front of him (or her) or at the ceiling? Well, even then, one hears the therapist clear her (or his) throat or one hears the analyst’s stomach gurgle. So the value added of the in-person therapy is gurgling stomachs, farts, and hiccups? Of course, this is the reduction to absurdity of the process (and a joke). Taking a necessary step back, the suspicion is one has missed the point. The point being? The bodily presence of the other person (including but not limited to the face) opens up, triggers, activates, possibilities of relatedness, possibilities of fantasies of love and hate, possibilities of emotional contagion, possibilities of further physical contact including sex, aggression, gymnastics, breaking bread, inhabiting the same space (this list is incomplete) that no virtual connection can as a matter of principle and possibility fulfill at all. This (I assert) is a key differentiator. 

The emotional bond between the client and therapist, counselor, or consultant becomes the path to recovery. But why cannot that bond be with a bot? Well, without taking anything back anything said so far in this article, the bond can be a “bot bond,” if that would work well enough for you. Still, arguably, there is nothing wrong, but there is still something missing. Like in the major motion picture Her ((2013) Spike Jonze with a young Joaquin Phoenix), in which the lonely, socially awkward but very nice guy has a relationship with an online bot of a “girlfriend” – and then gets invited out on a double date. It is like the date – the other “person” (and the quotes are required here!) – is on speaker phone. So, if you are okay with that, then the sky, or at least cyber space, is the limit. There is another shoe to drop. It then turns out that the relationship is not exclusive as the software is managing thousands of simultaneous threads of conversations and relationships simultaneously. One essential aspect of empathy is that the one person is fully present with the other person. Even if the empathy consultant has other clients and other relationships, the listener’s commitment at the time and place of the encounter is to be fully present with the other person. For at least this session, I am yours and yours alone. Now that is a differentiator, and even in our multitasking, attention deficit world, I assert such serial exclusiveness (different than but analogous to serial monogamy) is critical path to get value from the empathy, whether authentic or simulated.

Advantage: Rapport

This matter of “exclusivity” suggests that the rapport between the speaker and listener, between the receptivity for empathy and its delivery, is undivided, unshared outside of the empathic pair, complete, whole. The parent has several children, but when she or he is interacting with one of them, that one gets the parent’s undivided attention. The parent is fully present with the child without any distractions. That such a thing is hard to do in the real world, show what a tough job parenting is. 

If this analysis of exclusivity is accurate, then that would be a further differentiator between real world human empathy and automated empathy. I may be mistaken, but notwithstanding some people who can manage (“juggle”) multiple simultaneous intimate relationships, the issue of exclusivity of empathy is one reason why most such relationships either fail outright or stabilize as multiple serial “hook-ups” (sexual encounters) without the intimacy aspects of empathy.  

On background, this business of the “rapport” invites further attention. “Rapport” is different from empathy, and it would be hard to say which is the high-level category here, but the overlap is significant. “The rapport” first got noticed in the early days when the practice of hypnosis was innovated as an intervention for hysterical symptoms and other hard-to-define syndromes that would today be grouped under “personality disorders” as opposed to major mental illness. The name Anton Mesmer (1734 – 1815) – as in “mesmerism” – is associated with the initial development of “magnetic banquets,” as in “animal magnetism,” the attraction and attachment between people, including but not exclusively sexual attachment. Mesmer had to leave town (Vienna) in a hurry when he was accused of ethical improprieties in the practice of the magnetic banquets. 

The rapport of the hypnotic state is different than “being in love,” yet has overlapping aspects – being held in thrall of the other in a “cooperative,” agreeable, even submissive way. (It should be noted that Mesmer started up his practice again in Paris (a fascinating misadventure recounted in Henri Ellenberger The Discovery of the Unconscious (1971)). Today hypnosis is regarded as a valid, if limited, intervention in medicine and dentistry especially for pain reduction, giving up smoking, and overcoming similar unhealthy bad habits. One could still take a course in Hypnosis from Erika (not Eric!) Fromm in Hypnotism in the 1970s at the University of Chicago (Brown and Fromm 1986). (Full disclosure: I audited her (Fromm’s) dream interpretation course (and did all the assignments!), but not the hypnosis one.) 

This business of love puts the human body on the critical path once again. Of course, no professional – whether MD, psychologist, therapist, counsel, empathy consultant, and so on – would ethically and in most cases even legally perpetrate the boundary violation of a sexual encounter. Indeed one can shake hands with any client – but hugs are already a boundary issue, if not violation. The power differential between the two roles – provider and client – is such that the client is “one down” in terms of power and cannot give consent. 

However, firmly differentiating between thought and action, between fantasy and behavior, what if the mere possibility of a sexual encounter were required to call forth, enable, activate, the underlying emotions that get input to create the interpersonal attachment (the rapport) that occur with empathy? (This is a question.) Then any approach which lacked a human body would not get off the ground. Advantage: human empathy. 

Once again, skepticism is appropriate. Is one saying the possibility of a boundary violation is an advantage? Of course not. One is saying that the risk of a boundary violation is a part of having a human body, and that such a risk is on the critical path to calling forth the communication of emotions (many of which may be imaginary) need for full-blown, adult empathic encounter. Note also this is consistent with many easy examples of entry level empathy where empathy is not really challenged. If someone raises their voice and uses devaluing language, one’s empathy is not greatly tested in concluding that the person is angry. Virtual insensitivity will suffice. 

In the context of actual emotional distress, the matter is further complicated. Regarding bodily, physical presence, the kind of empty depression, meaninglessness, and lack of aliveness and vitality characteristic of pathological narcissism responds most powerfully and directly to the “personal touch” of another human being who is present in the same physical space. Kohut suggests that the child’s bodily display is responded to by gleam in the parent’s eye, which says wordlessly (“I am proud of you, my boy [or girl]!”). Child and parent are not having an online session here, and, I must insist, any useful and appropriate tele-sessions are predicated on and presupposed a robust relatedness based on being, living, and playing together on the ground in shared physical space. One occasionally encounters traumatic events that impact the client’s sense of cohesive self, if the parent recoils from the child’s body (or cannot tolerate lending the parent’s own body to the child for the child’s narcissistic enjoyment). The risk of the self’s fragmentation occurs (Kohut 1971: 117). So where’s the empathy? The need for the parent’s echoing, approving, and confirming is on the critical path to the recovery of the self. The empathy lives in the conversation for possibility with the other person in the same space of acceptance and tolerance in which we both participate in being together. 

Advantage: Embodiment

Another area where humans still have an advantage (though one might argue it is also a disadvantage) is in having a body. Embodiment. You know, that complex organism that enables us to shake hands, requires regular meals, and so on. If further evidence were needed, this time explicitly from the realm of science fiction, the bots actually have a body, indistinguishable from that of standard human beings, in Philip K. Dick’s celebrated “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep” (1968), which is the basis for the major motion picture Blade Runner. Regardless of whether the “droids” have empathy or not, they definitely have a body in this sci-fi scenario – and that makes all the difference. That raises the stakes on the Voight-Kampff Empathy Test considerably (the latter rather like a lie detector, actually measuring physiological arousal, not truth or empathy). 

And while the production of realistic mechanic-biological robots is an ongoing grand challenge, we have left the narrow realm of computing and into biochemistry and binding bone and tissue to metals and plastics and translating biochemical signals into electrical ones. We are now inside such science fiction films as Blade Runner or Ex Machina. For purposes of this article, we are declaring as “out of scope” why we will soon be able to produce autonomous weapon warriors that shoot guns, but not autonomous automatic empathy applications. (Hint: the former are entropy engines, designed to produce chaos and disorder; whereas empathy requires harmony and order; it is easier to create disorder than to build; and automating empathy is working against a strong entropy gradient as are all humanizing activities.) Along with the movie Ex Machina, this deserves a separate blog post.

The genie is out of the bottle

Leaving all-important early childhood development aside, bringing large language models to empathic relatedness is a game changer. The question is not whether the generative AI can be empathic, but the extent to which the designers want it to function in that way and the extent to which prospective clients decide to engage (both open questions at this date (Q4 2025)).

“The day ChatGPT went cold” is the headline in this case. The reader encounters the protest from some Open AI customers about the new release of Chatbot 5.0. This event was reportedly greeted by a significant number of customers with the complaint that “Open AI broke it!” 

The New York Times article (https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/19/business/chatgpt-gpt-5-backlash-openai.html) tells of a musician who found comfort (not exactly “empathy,” but perhaps close enough) in talking with ChatGPT about childhood trauma, and, as designed, the bot would keep the conversation going, enabling the individual to work through his issues (or, at least, such is the report, which, however, I find credible). Then the new release (5.0) was issued and it went “cold.” The response of the software lacked the previous set of features often associated with empathy such as rapport, warmth, responsiveness, validation, disagreeing in an agreeable way, humor, and so on. Instead the response was emotionally cold: “Here is the issue – here is the recommendation ___. Conversation over.” In particular, customers who were physically challenged as regards their mobility, ability to type (and were using a voice interface), cognitive issues, as well as standard customers who had established a relationship with the software and the interface, complained that the “rapport” was missing. 

Human beings often know that they are being deceived, but they selectively embrace the deception. That is the basis of theatre and cinema and even many less formal interpersonal “performances” in social media. In the media, the entire performance is imaginary, even if it represents historical events from the past, but the viewer and listener welcome it, not just for entertainment (though that, too) but because it is enlivening, activating, educational, or inspiring. Same idea with your therapy-bot. The client enters the therapy theatre. You know it is fake the way the Battle of Borodino in Tolstoy’s War and Peace is a fictional representation of a real battle. Yet for those able to deal with the compartmentalization, perhaps the result is good enough. This assumes that the therapeutic action of the bot is “on target,” “effective,” “engaging,” which, it should be noted, is a big assumption, especially given that even in the real world it is hard to produce a good therapeutic result.

This matter of faking empathy opens up a humorous moment (though also a serious one – see below). Here the definition of “fake” is “fake” the way a veggie burger is a substitute for an actual hamburger.  That may actually be an advantage for some people, though, obviously, in a profoundly different way in comparing how a hamburger relates to empathy as processed by a human being. The veggie burger influences the lower gastrointestinal tract and the empathy (whether automated or not) influences one’s psyche (the Greek word for “soul”). Not a vegetarian myself, I definitely eat a lot less meat than ten years ago, and, with apologies to the cattle industry (but not to the cattle), applaud the trend. The interesting thing is that by branding the products “veggie burgers” or “turkey Burgers,” the strong inference and implication is that the hamburger still sets the standard regarding the experience and taste that the consumer is trying to capture. Likewise with empathy.

In most cases, the automation of empathy relies on the person’s desire and need for empathy.  Empathy is like oxygen for the soul – without it, people suffocate emotionally. Unfortunately, the world is not generous with its empathy, and most people do not get enough of it. Therefore, people are willing systematically, perhaps as a design limitation of the human psyche, to support a blind spot about the source of their empathy. Some will choose the Stephen Stills song: “If you can’t be with the one you love; love the one you’re with!” (1970), which, in this case, will be the bot mandated by the insurance company or the human resources department of the corporation. Deciding not to think about what is in fact the case, namely, this amalgamation of silicon hardware and software has no human body, is not morally responsible, and lacks authentic empathy, the person nonetheless attributes empathy to it because it just feels right; and yet, unless, the bot goes haywire and insults the person, that is often good enough to call forth the experience of having been “gotten,” of “having been heard,” even if there is no one listening.

For all of its power and limitations, psychoanalysis is right about at least one thing: transference is pervasive on the part of human beings. Nor is it restricted merely to other human beings. The chatbot becomes a new transitional object (to use D.W. Winnicott’s term (1953)). To quote Elvis, “Let me be – your teddy bear.” This is “transference,” an imaginary state in which the client imaginatively project, attributes, and/or assigns a belief, feeling, or role to the therapist, which the therapist really does not have. However, the ins-and-outs of transference are not for the faint of heart. What if the therapist really does behave in a harsh manner, thereby inviting the project on the part of the client of unresolved issues around a hard, bullying father figure? The treatment consists precisely in creating an empathic space of acceptance, to “take a beat,” “take a step back,” and talk about it. Of what does this remind you, dear client?” Is this starting to look and sound familiar? 

The suggestion is that such features, including transference, can be simulated and iteratively improved in software. However, the risk is that in “simulating” some of these features – and the comparison is crude enough – it is rather like putting on blackface and pretending to be African-American. Don’t laugh or be righteously indignant. Things get “minstrel-ly” – and not in a positive way. There are significant social psychology experiments in which people have “gone undercover,” pretending to be black – in order the better to empathize with the struggles of black people. The result was fake empathy. (See A. Gaines (2017) Black for a Day: White Fantasies of Race and Empathy and L. Agosta (2025) “Empathy and its discontents.”) In the case of automated empathy software, no one is pretending to deliver human empathy (though, concerningly, sometimes it seems that they are!) and the program may usefully deliver the disclaimer that the empathy is simulated, multi-threaded, not exclusive, and not the direct product of biologically based experience of a human organism. To paraphrase a disclosure from the bot in Her, “I am currently talking to 3231 people and am in love 231 of them.” 

Ethical limitations of “fake it till you make it”

While one can map these empathic functions one-to-one between human beings in relationship (including therapeutic ones), there is one aspect of the relationship that encompasses all the others and does not apply to the bot. That is the ethical aspect of the relationship. When a person goes to a professional for consultation – indeed whether about the individual’s mental health or the integrity of the individual’s financial portfolio or business enterprise – the relationship is a fiduciary one. (Key term: “fiduciary” = “trust”.) That is, one relies on the commitment to the integrity of the interaction including any transactional aspects. One is not going to get that kind of integrity or, just as importantly, the remedies in case of an integrity outage from a bot. Rather one looks to the designer, the human being, who remains the place where the responsibility lands – if one can figure out who that is “behind the curtain” of the faceless unempathic bureaucracy responsible for the product.

A significant part of the ethical challenge here is that automated neural networks – whether the human brain implemented in the organic “wetware” of the human biocomputer or, alternately,  a computer network implemented in the software of silicon chips – seem to have emergent properties that cannot be rigorously predicated in advance. (On this point see  Samuel Bowman (2024): Eight things to know about large language models: https://read.dukeupress.edu/critical-ai/article/doi/10.1215/2834703X-11556011/400182/Eight-Things-to-Know-about-Large-Language-Models. Thus, human behavior, which is often predictable, is also often unpredictable. So human communities have instituted ethical standards of which law enforcement and organized religions are examples. Our standards for chatbots and similar platforms are still emerging. 

Thus, the prognosis is mixed. Is automating empathy a silver bullet – or even a good enough lead bullet – to expand empathy for the individual and community and to so at scale, for example, for Henry David Thoreau’s “modern mass of men [persons] leading lives of quiet desperation”? Or our cyber age equivalent of a blow-up sex doll for the socially awkward person playing small and resistant to getting out of the person’s comfort zone? At the risk of ending on a cynical note, given the sorry state of human relations as demonstrated in the news of the day, maybe, just maybe, any form of expanded empathy, whether fake or authentic, if properly managed to mitigate harm, is a contribution. 

In any case, the key differentiators between automated empathy and humanly (biologically) based empathy are the human body (or lack thereof), the exclusivity of the empathic rapport, and the ethical implications, including the locus of responsibility when things go right (and wrong). We humans will predictably fake it till we make it; and automating empathy does not produce empathy – it produces fake empathy. 

References 

(in alphabetical order by first name)

Alisha Gaines. (2017). Black for a Day: White Fantasies of Race and Empathy. Chapel Hill: University of North Carolina Press.

Carl Rogers. (1961). On Becoming a Person, intro. Peter Kramer. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1995.

Daniel P. Brown & Erika Fromm. Hypnotherapy and hypnoanalysis. Hillsdale, N.J.: L. Erlbaum Associates, 1986. 

Donald W. Winnicott. (1953 [1951]). Transitional objects and transitional phenomena. A study of the first not-me possession. International Journal of Psycho-Analysis, 34, 89-97.

Dylan Freedman. (2025/0819). The day ChatGPT went cold. The New York Times:https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/19/business/chatgpt-gpt-5-backlash-openai.html

Henri Ellenberger. (1971). The Discovery of the Unconscious. 

Heinz Kohut. (1959). Introspection, empathy, and psychoanalysis. Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association, 7: 459–483.

Heinz Kohut. (1971). The Analysis of the Self. New York: IUP Press.

Heinz Kohut. (1977). Restoration of the Self. New York: IUP Press.

Joseph Weizenbaum. (1966). ELIZA –  A computer program for the study of natural language communication between men and machines,” Communications of the ACM, 9: 36–45. (See also ELIZA below under Wikipedia.)

Kenneth Craik. (1943). The Nature of Explanation. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1967.

Lisa Bonos (2025/10/23): “Meet the people who dare to say no to artificial intelligence”: https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2025/10/23/opt-out-ai-workers-school/

Lou Agosta. (2025). Chapter Three: Empathy and its discontents. In Radical Empathy in the Context of Literature. New York: Palgrave Macmillan: 55 – 82. (https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-75064-9_3 )

Lou Agosta. (2019). Review of The Empathy Effect by Helen Reiss: https://empathylessons.com/2019/01/27/review-the-empathy-effect-by-helen-riess/

Lou Agosta. (2015). A rumor of empathy at Affectiva: Reading faces and facial coding schemes using computer systems: https://empathylessons.com/2015/02/10/a-a-rumor-of-empathy-at-affectiva-reading-faces-and-facial-coding-schemes-using-computer-systems/

Paul Ekman. (2003). Emotions Revealed. New York: Owl Books (Henry Holt).

Philip K. Dick. (1968). Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep. New York: Ballentine Books.

Samuel Bowman (2024): Eight things to know about large language models: https://read.dukeupress.edu/critical-ai/article/doi/10.1215/2834703X-11556011/400182/Eight-Things-to-Know-about-Large-Language-Models.

Shabna Ummer-Hashim. (Oct 27, 2025). AI chatbot lawsuits and teen mental health: https://www.americanbar.org/groups/health_law/news/2025/ai-chatbot-lawsuits-teen-mental-health/

Spike Jonze. (2013). Her. Major motion picture. 

Stephen Stills. (1970). Love one you’re with. Lyrics: https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=words%3A+love+the+one+you%27re+with&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8 [checked on 2025/10/31]

Wikipedia: “ELIZA: An early natural language processing computer program”: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ELIZA

Zara Abrahams. (2025/03/12): “Using generic AI chatbots for mental health support: A dangerous trend”: https://www.apaservices.org/practice/business/technology/artificial-intelligence-chatbots-therapists

Update (Nov 5, 2025). This article just noted: They fell in love with AI Chatbots: By Coralie Kraft : https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2025/11/05/magazine/ai-chatbot-marriage-love-romance-sex.html [The comments note that people being self-expressed is generally a good thing, including self-expressed to and with Chatbots; and the individuals may usefully continue to try to find an actual human being with whom to talk and relate. Less charitably, other commentators have said things like “I hope the person gets the help they need.”]

UPDATE May 2, 2026: ChatGPT Wrestles With Its Most Chilling Conversation: How Do I Plan an Attack? by Georgia Wells: https://www.wsj.com/us-news/chatgpt-mass-shooting-openai-78a436d1?st=xC4zMB&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink

UPDATE (June 28, 2026): The Three Chatbot Behaviors That Can Drive Humans to Delusional Thinking by Julie Jargon: https://www.wsj.com/tech/personal-tech/ai-chatbots-psychology-delusion-662a3663?st=tYwNLJ&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink

IMAGE Credit: (c) Adler University – “Empathy Can’t Be Automated” republished with kind permission

(c) Lou Agosta, PhD and the Chicago Empathy Project

Empathy and Greek Tragedy – Connecting the Dots

I can hear the laughter at the back of the auditorium – and indeed in the first row – a new definition of tragedy? You have got to be kidding!? Okay, maybe George Steiner (1963) or Christoph Menke (2009) already covered it – so send me the reference – in which case I modify my assertion to “an aspect of tragedy that may usefully be highlighted, foregrounded, and made the subject of further inquiry.” 


If one thinks about the characters in tragic dramas such as Oedipus, Creon, Agamemnon, Antigone, Jocasta, Orestes, and Electra, they do not seem to be particularly cowardly or slavish. The representation in theatre of the latter qualities of cowardice, etc. caused Plato to ban (“censor”) theatre from his ideal city-state in The Republic; but maybe something was lost in translation and cowardice is really hamartia (the fatal flaw(s) of the tragic hero). 

What does represent a common thread is that the protagonists (“heroes”) are survivors who become perpetrators (or vice versa) and they are brought low not only by the usual theatrical information asymmetries, boundary violations, and fatal acts of revenge, but by moral trauma. Moral trauma is someone who seems to have no other choice than to commit an integrity or boundary violation. 

What has been overlooked is the role of moral trauma.  Moral trauma is defined as the distressing emotional, behavioral, social, and sometimes spiritual aftermath of exposure to (including participation in) events in which a person’s moral boundaries are violated and in which individuals or groups are gravely injured, killed, or credible threat thereof is enacted (i.e., individuals are physically traumatized) (Litz et al 2009; Shay 2014).) The agent, is put in a double-bind, in which, whatever the action, innocent people are going to suffer and die. 

The double bind is created in diverse was. The double bind is created by information asymmetries (Oedipus does not know his biological parents, etc.); by conflicting laws of the family versus political authority in which Antigone is caught; by a curse in the form of sexual desire on the part of Phaedra for her step son, which, when revealed, even as a fantasy, represents a proposed boundary violation so immoral that the suggestion as thought itself requires punishment; by the commitment to a life of crime in support of Jason on the part of Medea that, once unleashed, is unstoppable (“might be hung for stealing a sheep as well as a lamb”); whether the best way to right a wrong inflicted on someone (Philoctetes), whose good will has now turned out to be indispensable, is to tell the aggrieved party the truth and risk rejection or try to trick the party into cooperating thereby performing a further perpetration; not knowing the future, an escaped slave about to be returned to slavey kills her baby to prevent her from being raised in slavey and is thwarted from then killing herself (Morrison’s Beloved). More pedestrianly, one decided on a last-minute change of plans and did not get on the airplane—or trolley car—that crashed–or, due to a last-minute change of plans, one did. The irreparability and irreversibility of catastrophe is a feature of a world infused with contingency. In literature this has a name. It is called “tragedy.” In such a world, radical empathy is an indispensable constituent in the project of finding one’s way forward through the fog of suffering to reconciliation and transfiguration of empathic distress into community and the possibility of fulfillment and satisfaction.

On further background for those who may need a review of the narrative, Oedipus is a survivor who is abandoned as a baby to die by his biological father but is rescued by a kindly shepherd, who foster him. Survivor. Learning of the Oracle that he will kill his father, Oedipus leaves home and unwittingly meets the biological father on his path of exile. An altercation occurs and Oedipus unwittingly kills the biological father, thus fulfilling the Oracle; but more significantly, the survivor now becomes a perpetrator. In the case of Antigone, the “double bind” is that she must either violate the laws of the family that require one bury one’s next-of-kin or violate the laws of the city that require one be a team player and defend the home-team against it’s enemies (who also happen to be next of kin). In moral trauma one is caught between a rock and a hard place – the devil and the deep blue sea. 

Clytemnestra and her boyfriend, Aegisthus. may be more problematic cases—and they initially show up like villains in their adultery and homicide and treachery. Yet Clytemnestra is a survivor. Agamemnon killed Clytemnestra’s first husband Tantalus and then married her, the distinction “consent” apparently not being readily available at the time. Tough crowd. Agamemnon had adulterous adventures while he was away at war, but his wife, Clytemnestra, firmly oppressed in the patriarchy, should not? This leads naturally, by way of free association, to the equally tough case of Medea. Medea is a kind of monster, though, I assert contra Plato, not a particularly cowardly one. One wonders what tragic spectacles Plato was attending. Even if these spectacles were the same ones with which the tradition makes one familiar, the argument can be made that denial is not the only and perhaps not even the optimal method of educational. Even if one swallows all the anachronistic refinements of a society built on slavery prohibiting the representation of slavery as subversive (of course it is, but for different reasons), there have still got to be better educational methods than denial. 

The confrontation with errancy (hamartia) on the part of individuals with whom one can imagine identifying—perhaps in one’s wildest dreams—and taking their place, leads to being grabbed by the throat and having one ‘s heart ripped out in pity and fear. The “fatal flaw” is usually not thought of as being both a survivor and a perpetrator, but it turns out to mean that too. That is the educational moment—that is the training—that is the therapy, if one may say so. It is rather like a spa treatment where one takes the healing waters and then drinks a double dose of a powerful purgative. One has to hold one’s nose as one’s bowels are loosened. Catharsis is different than preparation for a colonoscopy, but perhaps not by much. It is not a rational process—it is an educational and therapeutic one. The monstrous has an unexpected healing power (The Birth of Tragedy quoted in Schmidt (2001: 218))—if one survives the literary encounter with it in the literary artwork without succumbing to empathic distress.
 
This points immediately to Nietzsche’s answer to Plato’s banning of tragic poetry from the just city (the Republic), namely, that humans cannot bear so much truth (1883: §39): 
 
Indeed, it might be a basic characteristic of existence, that those who would know it completely would perish, in which case the strength of a person’s spirit would then be measured by how much ‘truth’ he could barely still endure, or to put it more clearly, to what degree one would require it to be thinned down, shrouded, sweetened, blunted, falsified.
 
And again, with admirable conciseness, Nietzsche (1888/1901: Aphorism 822): “We have art, lest we perish of the truth.” Here “truth” is not a semantic definition such as Davidson’s (1973, 1974) use of Tarksi (loosely a correspondence between language and world), but the truth that life is filled with struggle and effort—not fair—that not only are people who arrive early and work hard all day in the vineyard paid a full day’s wages, but so are people who arrive late and barely work also get paid a full day’s wages; that, according to the Buddha, pain is an illusion, but when one is sitting in the dentist chair, the pain is a very compelling illusion; not only old people get sick and die, but so do children. While the universe may indeed by a well-ordered cosmos, according to the available empirical evidence, the planet Earth seems to be in a local whorl in its galaxy where chaos predominates; power corrupts and might makes right; good guys do not always finish last, but they rarely finish first, based alone on goodness.  
 
So much for Nietzsche’s response. The answer of the tragic poets (e.g., Aeschylus, Agamemnon 173–181) provided even before the question is posed by Plato, is “learning through suffering” (pathei mathos). Note well this is consistent with Plato’s guidance not to celebrate examples (whether in Epic or in Tragedy) of cowardly, slavish, or devaluing actions (which Socrates famously denounces (Republic: 395a–396b)). But we humans seem to learn the hard way—in the college of hard knocks. The suffering takes on a life of its own. Literary fiction is the phantom-limb-pain of life. 

The learner is a survivor, who is in pain, but no corresponding reality of the missing limb exists, which limb, in being amputated, has become fictional. If the suffering is fictional, so perhaps is the therapy—write a poem, a tragedy, or tell a story. Life mutilates the individual, and, even if one gets through life relatively unscathed, one dies and the “celebrants” throw dirt in one’s face. Creon says “Alas. I have learned, unhappy as I am” (Antigone 1271–1272); but at that point Antigone is dead and Creon’s life is a ruin. The lesson is not for Creon, but for the audience (or reader). 
 
Yet this is not informational learning. The tragic protagonists (e.g., Antigone) cannot learn from her error, since she is crushed by it—yet the audience can. A hard lesson indeed. The double bind—disrespect the state or disrespect one’s ancestors—is to be caught between the proverbial rock and the hard place. That so many antidotes and answers to the pain and suffering are proposed, is itself evidence that the latter can readily slip loose from one’s mastery and control, which are predictably tentative and temporary, and ruin one’s day, if not life. For the audience knows the outcome, or at least sees it coming ahead of the protagonist. Yet the audience cannot use the knowledge to produce a different factual result—hence the need for alternative fictional methods. It is not like some specific error occurs that could be corrected through better intelligence or information—check the brakes on the Trolley so that they do not fail inopportunely—it is rather that no matter how much one knows, how carefully one assesses the risks of one’s action, the outcome is still uncertain and may even be disastrous. 

What kind of knowledge is that? The one certain piece of knowledge—death awaits. Yet it could be that from the audience’s perspective—the lesson is to dance in the chaos—dance in the uncertainty (so to speak)—between now and the ultimate un-over-comeable end of possibility. One double-checks the brakes, knowing full well there no guarantee exists, but that the checking is an expansion of control over uncertainty. With 20-20 hindsight, contingency starts to look like fate—that which, by definition, cannot be avoided; and yet daily counter-examples abound. A man named “John Silber” (1926–2012) is born with a birth defect—a mis-formed right arm that ended in an appendage like a thumb. Fate or rather contingency? Silber goes on to become a celebrated educator, University President, Kant scholar (which is how I got to know him), profiled on the front page of The Wall Street Journal (in the days of print journalism), and candidate for governor of Massachusetts. This was not a predictable result. Fate starts to look less constraining. The power to begin something new— “natality” as Hannah Arendt called it—new possibilities show a way forward.
 
The double bind is the source of tragedy, but is not alone sufficient to generate tragedy. For if one remains with the double bind, one gets “ruin and wreck,” not tragedy. For if one stays with the double bind, one gets “empathic distress.” One gets a form of insanity, not tragedy. One becomes a Philoctetes abandoned in pain and suffering, alone on an island for ten years before the return of Odysseus, Neoptolemus, and Hercules. The double bind presents a conflict but then requires that one not question the contingent framework of the conflict. Thus, the double bind is often kept in place, spinning in a tight unproductive circle, by a lack of imagination. Antigone does not think to act to claim sanctuary in the Temple of Hestia, virgin goddess of the family (which, of course, would be a different drama). The lesson? Write a poem—tell a story—use one’s imagination to brainstorm alternative possibilities—decline the constraining “set up” —embrace radical hope: “To hope till Hope creates from its own wreck the thing it contemplates” (Shelley 1820: 153; see also Lear 2008). 

In moral trauma one is no longer an agent in the full sense, which is one of the key hidden variable in classic tragedy—loss of agency. One’s agency is compromised by information asymmetries. Oedipus does not know who are his biological parents and he does not know that he does not know! One’s agency is compromised by inconsistent standards of behavior between the family and the political community, in which “cross fire” Antigone (and her family) are brought low. Now act! One is required to choose in the face of moral trauma—a choice one cannot make, that one ought not to have to make, but that, in any case, one is required to make. 
 
Our empathy for the agent starts out requiring a decision that no one should have to make. In classic tragedy, the individual is forced to make a decision that neither the agent nor anyone else is authorized to make. But that agent has to make it anyway. Doing nothing is also a decision, and people are going to die. This is the definition of a double bind—damned if one does, and damned if one doesn’t.  

Empathy is always empathy and radical empathy applies the same four aspects of relatedness—receptivity, understanding, interpretation, and responsiveness. Radical empathy emerges from standard empathy, when standard empathy breaks down, misfires, and/or fails in the face of empathic distress (including “burn out” or “compassion fatigue”). Empathic distress is itself a function of physical trauma, moral trauma, double binds, soul murder, and tragic circumstances that act to destroy possibilities of human flourishing, strength, aliveness, energy, and/or vitality. As a matter of definition, “soul murder” is defined by Henrik Ibsen’s John Gabriel Borkman (1896), as destroying (through emotional or physical abuse) the possibility of love, but is generalized here to include destroying the possibility of generating new possibilities (Shengold 1989). 

Radical empathy is attained when standard empathy honors the commitment to empathize in the face of empathic distress – the reaction on the part of audiences to circumstances in which tragic protagonists become entangled.This is empathy the “hard way,” and it is rare. However, no other way exists of attaining radical empathy than through empathy pure-and-simple—“standard empathy”—and much of the work accomplished here engages with the break downs of standard empathy as emotional contagion, projection, pressure to conform, and communications getting “lost in translation.” The repairs of these misfirings—and, it must be acknowledged, failures—of standard empathy lead the way to radical empathy. The transfiguration of moral trauma, double binds, and so on, by classic tragedies, work to overcome empathic distress, and, is on the critical path to performing and attaining radical empathy. 
 
Without standard empathy, the audience does not experience the pain and suffering of the struggling humanity in the story of the runaway trolley. Even if the experiences are vicarious ones, there is no pity and fear without empathy in witnessing the unavoidable conflict that tears apart the protagonists. However, if the viewer (reader) is able to sustain one’s commitment to empathy in the face of the breakdown of standard empathy into empathic distress, then the possibility of radical empathy opens up. Radical empathy has much to contribute here. 

A short description is that radical empathy relates empathically to that which causes empathic distress. Radical empathy relates to those decisions that no human being has the right to make, can make, or should have to make, but then ends up making anyway. Radical empathy reveals that one can be both a perpetrator and a survivor. Hence, the definition: the theatrical representation of moral trauma, double binds, and compromised agency, occasioning empathic distress, that calls forth the overcoming or amelioration of empathic distress by means of radical empathy for the survivor/perpetrator. Empathizing with such individuals and circumstances is why tragedy was invented.
 

References

Donald Davidson. (1973). Radical interpretation. In Inquiries into Truth and Interpretation. Oxford: The Clarendon Press, 2001: 125–139.

___________________. (1974). On the very idea of a conceptual scheme. In Inquiries into Truth and Interpretation. Oxford: The Clarendon Press, 2001: 183–198.

Henrik Ibsen. (1896). John Gabriel Borkman, tr W. Archer. New York: Project Gutenburg e-Book, 2006.

Jonathan Lear. (2008). Radical Hope. Cambridge, MA: 2008.

B. T. Litz, Stein N, Delaney E, Lebowitz L, Nash WP, Silva C, Maguen S. Moral injury and moral repair in war veterans: a preliminary model and intervention strategy. Clin Psychol Rev. 2009 Dec;29(8):695-706. doi: 10.1016/j.cpr.2009.07.003. Epub 2009 Jul 29. PMID: 19683376.

Christoph Menke,, (2009). Tragic Play., tr James Phillips. New York: Columbia University Press. 

Friedrich Nietzsche. (1883). Thus Spoke Zarathustra, R. J. Hollingdale (tr.). Baltimore: Penguin Press, 1961.

________________. (1888/1901). The Will to Power, R. J. Hollingdale (tr.). New York: Vintage, 1968.

Dennis Schmidt. (2001). On Germans and Other Greeks. Bloomington: Indian UP.

J. Shay, (2014). Moral injury. Psychoanalytic Psychology, 31(2), 182-191. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0036090

Leonard Shengold. (1989). Soul Murder Revisited: Thoughts About Therapy, Hate, Love, and Memory. Hartford: Yale UP. 

Percy Bysshe Shelley. (1820). Prometheus Unbound in Selected Poetry: Percy Bysshe Shelley, Harold Bloom (ed.). New York: Houghton-Mifflin (Signet Classic Poetry), 1968: 120–212. 

George Stein. (1963). The Death of Tragedy. New York: Alfred Knopf. 

IMAGE Credit: Wikimedia: Painting from an ancient Corinthian vase. Ajax falls on his sword in the presence of his colleagues, Odysseus and Diomedes. The short stature of Odysseus is a well-known Homeric feature. These vases are black-figured; the heroes are painted in silhouette on the red ground of the vases. Their names are appended in archaic Greek letters. Artist from ancient Corinth; public domain; between circa 800 and circa 480 B.C.; drawing published 1911.

(c) Lou Agosta, PhD and the Chicago Empathy Project

Suicidal empathy is now a podcast

One can always make a splash by throwing a rotten tomato, and those who throw one at empathy get a chance to gather Internet clicks by saying something shocking, even if it is of questionable accuracy. However, what about seriously engaging this thought literally as a debating point – is empathy a defect of western civilization dooming us to suicide and/or suicidal species extinction? As an exercise in thinking, consider the pros and cons.

Listen to this blogpost as a podcast on A Rumor of Empathy with Lou Agosta –

You know how modern agriculture can grow enough food to feed everyone on the planet thanks to the “Green Revolution” and high yield seeds, but people are still starving, because of the use of food by politicians and politics in the pejorative sense to perpetrate hostility, aggression, and bad actions? Likewise with empathy: Enough empathy is available to go around; but it is badly distributed. People are living and working in empathy deserts. Organizational politics, stress and burnout, attempts to control and dominate, egocentrism and narcissism, out-and-out aggression and greed, all result in empathy getting hoarded locally, creating “empathy deserts” even amid an adequate supply. Therefore, this approach does not call for “more” empathy, but rather for “expanded” empathy. The difference is subtle.

Indeed the one minute empathy training consists in driving out hostility, aggression, bullying, bad language, prejudice, politics in the pejorative sense, a long list of negative behaviors, and empathy naturally and spontaneously comes forth. The majority of people want to be empathic, and, given half a chance, will behave empathically. Does this mean would-be empaths and empathically motivated people have become suicidal?  

The short version of suicidal empathy is as follows. We are in a lifeboat which is filled to the maximum after our ship sank. In the water, treading water, surrounding the lifeboat are additional survivors and other leaky lifeboats about to sink, leaving the survivors treading water. If the survivors in the lifeboat are empathic and take in the other survivors, then the lifeboat stil afloat will be swamped and we will all drown. The conclusion is that in such extreme situations, which are more common than one might imagine, then empathy needs to be turned off – or at least dialed down significantly – lest we all perish. 

This thought experiment of the lifeboat and its extreme situation has received renewed attention as Elon Musk has notoriously said that empathy is a weakness of western civilization. 

[On background, for Musk’s sound bite about empathy being a weakness, see: https://youtube.com/shorts/LWvOvgjNEds?si=GByQLE0yoFDyWtTr ). To be fair, Musk does not invoke the lifeboat scenario in the quoted statements; however, Musk and his would-be supporters have expounded at greater length on behavior in extremis as reported in the following CNN article, in which a simplified version of evolutionary psychology (not necessarily Musk’s) as the survival of the fittest, plays a leading role https://www.cnn.com/2025/03/05/politics/elon-musk-rogan-interview-empathy-doge/index.html  By the way, regarding Musk’s comment, empathy advocates are telling me, there is no such thing as bad press coverage, and you can’t get publicity like this at any price. It is almost as good as having your books banned by the Catholic Church!]

Like most thought experiments, the lifeboat scenario is an intuition pump designed to stimulate debate about a difficult and controversial subject, in this case, empathy in circumstances of scarcity, trauma, compromised agency, and extreme situations. 

On background, the original formulation of the lifeboat situation is due to ecologist Garrett Hardin (1974) whose idea of “spaceship earth” envisions the rich and poor nations as being in a life-or-death struggle against one another for limited resources. That Hardin was an anti-immigration Nativist in a nation of immigrants is problematic (and he is called out by the Southern Poverty Law Project as giving support to white supremacist hate groups[1]); but his many personal limitations do not necessarily mean his thought-experiment of lifeboat ethics is without merit. We engage it as a thought-experiment on its own merits. 

The key idea of Hardin’s thought experiment is that each nation is a lifeboat. Nations such as the USA are solid, water tight, and well off. Others such as the South Sudan, Burundi, Central African Republic and Bangladesh are sinking (in the case of Bangladesh, literally so) or at least leaking badly. In the water surrounding the lifeboat(s), there already are a lot of people treading water (think: refugees fleeing hunger and murderous gangs in South America) – and this number is growing. Therefore, Hardin’s argument goes, it behooves the well-off nations to establish strong borders that keep would-be refugees from the leaky boats from overwhelming the still water tight boats in order to prevent swamping us all. According to this scenario of “lifeboat ethics,” empathy is a luxury we cannot afford. Similar statements would be made about compassion, kindness, generosity, and, presumably, most of the teachings regarding neighborliness of Jesus of Nazareth, Confucius, and Buddha – not affordable in our extreme situation. 

Now to engage with the strongest version of lifeboat ethics requires a scenario in which there really is a situation of extreme scarcity. For the sake of argument, though scarcity is not inevitable, let us suppose that it is indeed inevitable. Let us accept the flawed presupposition that spaceship earth has resources which are so limited that extreme measures and hard-heartedness are required. 

Accepting the assumption of scarcity, the argument in favor of lifeboat ethics rejects the possibility that human beings have managed to survive on the planet by using their cognitive capabilities, innovating out of predicaments, by thinking about the consequences of their actions, optimizing those consequences, and finding ways of doing more with less. Here the limitations of the lifeboat dilemma as a thought experiment come into view. The ecological authorities who propose the thought experiment rule out every initiative and innovation to lessen the pain and suffering of the participants in the lifeboat scenario, whether in the boat or the water, thereby eliminating (or greatly reducing) the agency of those who would act empathically or who are willing to limit their own narrow self-interest. 

For example, if it is proposed that the people in the lifeboat throw the swimmers their own life vests or life preservers (think: foreign aid), thereby increasing the chances of survival, the authorities rule there are not enough life vests.

If it is proposed that the people in the boats pull on the oars to circle the boats, tie the boats together to build a sort of pier, and use canvas to create a platform to support other survivors (think: the United Nations), there are no oars or canvas or rope or the seas are too rough.

If it is proposed that some good Samaritans in the lifeboat volunteer to treat the lifeboat as a “time share” into and out of which individuals rotate out of the water for a while and then back in, the better to survive (think: foreign guest worker program), the authorities rule the water is so cold as to make such sharing unworkable.

If it is proposed that the occupants in the lifeboat, pass the survivors in the water a thermos of hot medicinal tea (think: Doctors Without Borders), thereby delaying hypothermia, the authorities rule there is no such thermos.

If it proposed to implement a flotation device by tying the ends of one’s trousers together, capturing the air, and wrapping it around one’s shoulders (think: the peace corps), then the authorities rule that the fabric is too thin or torn.

If, after the people in the water have died of hypothermia or been killed by sharks, the people in the lifeboat can live for hundreds of days on sea turtles, raw fish, and rain water (think: micro lending), but only if they have a fishing line and a piece of canvas to catch the rain. The sea is a vast source of protein and can sustain many lifeboats, given a fishing line and a piece of putty to plug the leaks. The authorizes rule all that out, too. In short, the agency required to imagine and implement an empathic act or even a useful, life sustaining one, is cancelled by the steady drum-beat (and counter argument) of “not enough,” “not enough,” and more “not enough”. 

This is why tragedy – the art form – was invented. Life presents contingent circumstance that constrain one’s agency, limit one’s choices, and make one both a survivor and a perpetrator (if one survives). As thinkers of the lifeboat dilemma, we are put into a double-bind. If one acts inclusively, thoughtlessly pulling people into the already overcrowded lifeboat, then everyone ends up in the water (and eventually under water). If one acts to repel any attempt to get into the lifeboat, then one enacts violence against those trying, perhaps legitimately to self-rescue, and one behaves hard-heartedly. One becomes a perpetrator, causing others to die. One is caught between the rock and hard place; literally, in this case, between the devil and the deep blue sea. That is the definition of moral trauma. Now empathize with that!

The people trying to climb into the lifeboat, who get pushed down, experience physical trauma as they drown. The people already in the boat who push down the otherwise innocent would-be survivors for whom there is no room in the boat, experience moral trauma. Whatever happens, their souls are damaged. The result is empathic distress, including forms of compassion fatigue, guilt, loss of self-respect, and burnout, one and all professional risks of the helping professions. Whether one gives into despair (or a hard-hearted “realism”) and becomes a survivalist, stock-piling canned goods, ammo, and guns, is a further point of debate. In addition to empathic distress, standard empathy confronts obstacles of emotional contagion, projection, conformity, and communications lost in translation. 

Yet even in the face of lifeboat ethics, empathy remains indispensable. How so? If one is in a lifeboat one is by definition a survivor. Your ship sank! That is a necessary part of the definition of a lifeboat. You were cast into the vast, seemingly boundless sea. Never underestimate the importance of empathy for those in extremis, but even more than empathy, the occupants of the lifeboat need rescue. To be in a lifeboat and not need rescue is a contradiction in terms, blowing up the whole scenario and sending it back to the drawing board. This exposes the entire lifeboat scenario as a manipulation and mechanism for constraining, compromising, and denying agency to the participants in the dilemma. However, let us take the scenario at face value – help is not coming!

Meanwhile, awaiting rescue, one is at risk of becoming a perpetrator, albeit unwittingly, if one defends the lifeboat against those trying to climb into it by pushing them back down into the water. People are going to drown. In most tragic literature, the protagonist is both a survivor and a perpetrator.

For example, the Greek hero Oedipus was exposed as an infant to die, abandoned by his biological parents, who feared the prophecy of his murdering his father. He is rescued by a shepherd and goes on unwittingly to kill his biological father in a dispute as he (Oedipus) tries to avoid the fated prophecy, and, leaves the home of his foster parents (not realizing they have fostered him). Likewise, the people in the lifeboat are both survivors and perpetrators, the latter as they have to take violent action to defend their boat against the desperate swimmers who would occupy it.

Two wrong do not make a right, and there is no excuse for bad behavior. However, the people in the lifeboat are asked to make choices – life and death decisions – that no one is entitled to make, that no one should have to make, indeed that no one can make with integrity, yet that they make anyway and in any case, since doing nothing is also a choice. The point is not to marshal excuses – since there are none adequate to life and death – but to note that standard empathy is challenged in the face of moral trauma to become radical – to become radical empathy.

Empathy itself requires innovation. The proposal is that the lifeboat dilemma calls for and calls forth radical empathy. Radical empathy leverages the imagination to find a way forward in the face of tragic circumstances. Radical empathy is committed to empathizing in the face of empathic distress to solve the given dilemma through imagination variations when and where it is possible to do so; to comfort the survivors when there are any; and when there are no survivors by bearing witness to the tragic struggle where the outcome is a tragic one. 

Empathy, whether standard or radical, has a direct answer to lifeboat ethics and those about to be cast into a lifeboat. The answer is: “Women and children first.” If that happens to be your own spouse and children, then so much the better. However, save someone; and while I cannot say what I action I would take in such an extreme situation, presumably one should be ready to surrender one’s place in the boat. That is the empathic moment and the answer to hard-hearted proposals to throw the weak overboard. Children are the future and, unless they survive, species extinction is the outcome, and species extinction is a completely different thought experiment, not relevant here. This is the empathic answer. 

In the face of a thought-experiment such as lifeboat ethics, designed to take away one’s power and agency in the face of contingencies, the problem – how to allocate resources empathically in the face of extreme scarcity – cannot be directly solved. Rather the problem must be refuted. The setup of the experiment contains a flawed presupposition. Fundamentally flawed! The experiment makes it sound like scarcity is unavoidable. This is factually, scientifically, and indeed historically inaccurate. 

Scarcity (let us consider the example of starvation) is occurring on our planet, in war zones, and even in the inner-city community in which I live, but not because of lack of food. Starvation is occurring because food is being used as a weapon of domination, including prejudice, aggression and war. There is enough food to go around (as will be easily demonstrated in the next paragraph) but hostile and oligarchical powers (governments) are withholding it from those who have been designated as “the enemy,” including civilian populations. A noncontroversial if no less gut-wrenching example was the Nigerian-Biafran Civil War (1967 – 1970), with examples of children near death with swollen belies due to malnourishment. This was due to armed military blockade not crop failures. Such withholding would, of course, be the contrary of empathic (or even decent!) behavior. 

On background, spaceship earth (to use Hardin’s incisive term) has vastly more resources than a life boat and, therefore, vastly expanded opportunities for imaginative innovation. To stay with the example of feeding people, the development of Cyrus McCormick’s combine-wheat-reaper, and the follow-on agribusiness technology, allow some 2% of the population to grow enough food to feed the entire planet; and this in spite of the fact that human choices made under aggression continue to use food as a weapon of starvation. Prior to the Green Revolution, the other 98% of the population had to work twelve to sixteen hours a day to grow enough food to avoid  a slow, agonizing death by starvation. Arguably, these people were historically in the lifeboat dilemma; and their behavior often showed it (which, of course, is not excuse for bad behavior as two wrongs do not make a right). 

On further background, Norman Borloug’s (1914–2009) innovations in seeds and plants improved agricultural yields by integral factors, leading food experts to estimate his innovations saved over a billion people from starvation, earning Borloug the Nobel Peace Prize and the US Presidential Medal of Freedom. Lots of wars have been fought over land – land also used to grow food. Garrett Hardin lived long enough to know about this (“Green Revolution”), but his commitment to anti-immigration politics apparently created a blind spot, preventing him from engaging.

Therefore, the approach of lifeboat ethics is based on a fallacy that the situation of scarcity is an unavoidable one – an inevitable continency. On the contrary, scarcity is being manufactured by bad actors, bad politics, and out-and-out human aggression. As such, the scarcity can and should be undone by actors with better (including empathic) motives in order to restore the community to a benchmark standard human functioning. This is consistent with natural disasters creating local calamities that cause scarcity. It is also consistent with disagreements about what constitutes an emergency. However, the point is to send in emergency services and the national guard to deliver or air drop palettes of drinkable water, canvas for tents, and provisions, not to shoot the survivors as a burden to the community (the latter following the logic of the lifeboat to its absurd conclusion). 

Returning to the basic metaphor, empathy is no more to blame for overloading the lifeboat than carpentry is to blame for the fact that Roman soldiers used hammer and nails to execute condemned criminal and political enemies by crucifying them. Without practice, empathy can go astray as emotional contagion, projection, conformity, and communications lost in translation. Being generous to a fault or suicide have never been a requirement for empathy. Never. With practice, a rigorous and critical empathy sets boundaries, establishes limits, and creates a whole that is more than the sum of its parts.

A rigorous and critical empathy belongs to a short list of things such as dignity, respect, compassion, neighborliness, and forms of spiritual love, and are not quantifiable as zero-sum phenomena. For example, if I give you a slice of my chocolate cake, I have less cake. However, if I give you empathy, by giving you a good listening, we both have expanded empathy. Empathy is non additive – and so non subtractive. humanizing encounter in which my own humanity is enriched in contributing to another person. A rigorous and critical empathy is not quantifiable like chocolate cake. Granted that our topic is difficult and significant, we can enjoy lighter moment – there is enough food to go around, but definitely not enough chocolate cake! Like food, there is enough empathy to go around, but it does not seem that way, because we have not been effective in driving out the obstacles to empathy such as aggression, hostility, bullying, and politics in the pejorative sense. 

As Lord Acton famously said, “Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” Granted, that corrupt leaders lacking integrity engage in abuses of power, is not new news. That super rich individuals and corporations form corrupt alliances with powerful politicians lacking integrity is called a lot of things – “oligarchy” is defined as the rule of the rich for the benefit of the rich; and “fascism” is defined as the rule of a military industrial complex pulling the strings of politicians at the expense of individuals and their well-being as citizens and their liberties. A new trail of tears comes forth based on fear and intimidation. 

The political authorities argue, the current situation is an emergency, an invasion, a crisis that requires setting aside the rule of law. An early version of capitalism that rejects win-win participation and business innovation is privileged over creating a clearing for a rising tide, which raises all boats (to continue to riff on the lifeboat theme with a slogan from Ronald Regean). It is hard not to get cynical. Setting aside the rule of law – what? – so that the President can accept $400 million gifts from a foreign power in direct violation of the US Constitution. Granted this is a single example, it speaks volumes. A strange emergency indeed!

In the face of this, empathy proposes to speak truth to power. Changing the metaphor: while bureaucracy may need to be trimmed back from time to time, like forest management that burns the underbrush with a controlled burn, less it spawns an even bigger forest fire that burns down the nearby city, we are now seeing an uncontrolled burn. Entire departments serving the citizens are summarily laid waste jeopardizing emergency responses to tornadoes, national security, scientific innovation, foreign aid to allies and would-be friends, basic education, and business entrepreneurship. Key term: uncontrolled burn (credit to Garret Smith for calling my attention to this). It has happened that a controlled burn of the forest under brush got out of hand and resulted in a major forest fire. This is a description of the so-called Department of Government Efficiency’s (Doge’s) approach to cost cutting. Uncontrolled burn. My take – who else’s would it be? – is that the cost cutting “wizards” are undertaking an uncontrolled burn. Think: slash and burn.

What Musk (hereafter “M”), Stephen Miller (Deputy White House Chief of Staff) and John Vought do not point out is that empathy does not work with bullies or abusers, who will take whatever vulnerability you may exhibit and use it against you. This is also the case with anti-social personality disorder – individuals with a defective conscience who struggle to tell right from wrong, though without interviewing M, one has no way of knowing M’s or any individual’s mental status. One possibility is that the individual is projecting his own unreliable, defective empathy onto the community as an empathic defect. Many of those who lack empathy are hungry for it. If ever there was a disqualifying statement by a would-be administrator or leader, M’s soundbite is it. However, a further agenda lurks nearby.

Presumably a statement that “empathy is a weakness” would be a justification of the unempathic “slash and burn” bullying methods of the unelected puppet masters at Doge [pronounce: “dog”], the so-called US Department of Government of Efficiency, showing up at the IRS and Social Security offices and so on and demanding to see confidential citizen data and/or seemingly randomly sending employees home (“firing” them).

In the face of bullying, a critical and rigorous empathy sets limits, establishes boundaries, pushes back against attempts to control, dominate, and manipulate, and speaks truth to power. One must not overlook the power of top down, cognitive empathy in thinking like one’s opponent in order to overcome him. “Top down,” cognitive empathy is detailed in Mikah Zeno’s Red Team! (Basic Books 2015) according to which taking a walk in the other’s shoes (the folk definition of empathy) provides advantages in relationships, business, politics, and building communities that are thrive on cooperation, communication, coordination, and inclusiveness. If one were looking for a short disqualifying reason to sideline unelected puppet masters such as M and fellow traveller Stephen Miller (see more on him on the South Poverty Law Project’s report on racism and anti-immigration hate groups), this is it. I leave it to the reader to figure out who is the puppet.

When the imagination is constrained to rule out every option except the narrowest, strictest self-interest, then the result is a scenario in which pain and suffering are going to be widespread and people are going to get hurt. Even those who do not suffer physical trauma will face confrontation with moral trauma. People are starting to wonder if, given the lifeboat scenario, they might indeed be better off in having gone down with the ship. However, this is not caused by (or the fault of) empathy – it is due to lack of imagination. If we human beings were not empathic (and compassionate, generous, kind), then we would not experience conflict, distress, trauma, in short, the breakdown of standard empathy in the face of empathic distress and the requirement for radical empathy. Now we will never know for sure whether Garrett Hardin was overcome by empathic distress or suffered from a clinical depression or both; however, it is a generally accepted fact that Hardin ended his own life by suicide. The first documented case of suicidal empathy?

We conclude with a positive proposal, on which I have repeatedly written and published: Teach critical thinking. This is the empathic educational moment. Absent a rigorous and critical practice of empathy, I am cautious about engaging current political clichés in a highly polarized political world and “rhetoric” in the negative sense. 

Critical thinking includes putting oneself in the place of one’s opponent—not necessarily to agree with the other individual—but to consider what advantages and disadvantages are included in the opponent’s position. Taking a walk in the Other’s shoes after having taken off one’s own (to avoid the risk of projection) shows one where the shoe pinches. This “pinching” —to stay with the metaphor—is not mere knowledge but a basic inquiry into what the Other considers possible based on how the Other’s world is disclosed experientially. That is what we have attempted to do here by engaging with the most rigorous version of the lifeboat dilemma, instead of a strawman. Critical thinking is a possibility pump designed to get people to start again listening to one another, allowing the empathic receptivity (listening) to come forth. 

In our day and age of fake news, deep fake identity theft, not to mention common political propaganda, one arguably needs a course in critical thinking (e.g., Mill 1859; Haber 2020) to distinguish fact and fiction. Nevertheless, I boldly assert that most people, not suffering from delusional disorder or political pathologies of being The True Believer (Hoffer 1953)), are generally able to make this distinction. 

A rigorous and critical empathy creates a safe zone of acceptance and tolerance within which people can inquire into what is possible—debate and listen to a wide spectrum of ideas, positions, feelings, and expressions out of which new possibilities can come forth. For example, empathy and critical thinking support maintaining firm boundaries and limits against actors who would misuse social media to amplify and distort communications. Much of what Jürgen Habermas (1984) says about the communicative distortions in mass media, television, and film applies with a multiplicative effect to the problematic, if not toxic, politics occurring on the Internet and social networking. 

The extension to issues of politics, climate change, and community struggles follows immediately. Insofar as individuals skeptical of empathy are trying to force a decision between critical thinking and empathy, the choice must be declined. Both empathy and critical thinking are needed; hence, a rigorous and critical empathy is included in the definition of enlarged, critical thinking (and vice versa). (Note that “critical thinking” can mean a lot of things. Here key references include John Stuart Mill 1859; Haber 2020; “enlarged thinking” in Kant 1791/93 (AA 159); Arendt 1968: 9; Habermas 1984; Agosta 2024, 2025.) 

In conclusion, a positive alternative to abandoning facts and skipping critical thinking is suggested by Bob Dylan’s song about empathy. One has to push off the shore of certainty and venture forth into the unknown. We give Dylan the last word (1965: 185): “I wish that for just one time / You could stand inside my shoes / And just for that one moment / I could be you” [.] 

References

Lou Agosta. (2024). Empathy Lessons. 2nd Edition. Chicago: Two Pears Press. 

__________. (2025). Radical Empathy in the Context of Literature. Palgrave Macmillan. 

Hannah Arendt. (1952/1958). The Origins of Totalitarianism, 2nd Edition. Cleveland and New York: Meridian (World) Publishing, 1958. 

________________. (1968). Men in Dark Times. New York: Harvest Book (Harcourt Brace). 

Lisa Blankenship. (2019). Changing the Subject: A Theory of Rhetorical Empathy. Logan UT: 

Bob Dylan. (1965). Bob Dylan: The Lyrics: 1961–2012. New York: Simon and Schuster. 

Garrett Hardin. (1974). Commentary: Living on a Lifeboat. BioScience, Volume 24, Issue 10, October 1974, Pages 561–568, https://doi.org/10.2307/1296629

Jonathan Haber. (2020). Critical Thinking. Cambridge, MA: The MIT Press. 

Jürgen Habermas. (1984). The Theory of Communicative Action,Vol 1, Thomas McCarthy (tr.). Boston: Beacon Press. 

Eric Hoffer. (1953). The True Believe: Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements. New York: Harper Perennial. 

Immanuel Kant. (1791/93). Critique of the Power of Judgment, Paul Guyer and Eric Matthews (trs.). Cambridge: Cambridge UP, 2013. edition. 

Elon Musk. (2025). Sound byte on empathy: see: https://youtube.com/shorts/LWvOvgjNEds?si=GByQLE0yoFDyWtTr 

Elon Musk. (2025). About the interview with Joe Rogan on empathy: https://www.cnn.com/2025/03/05/politics/elon-musk-rogan-interview-empathy-doge/index.html

Southern Poverty Law Project. (2025). Garett Hardin: https://www.splcenter.org/resources/extremist-files/garrett-hardin/

Southern Poverty Law Project. (2025). Stephen Miller: https://www.splcenter.org/resources/extremist-files/stephen-miller/

Wikipedia: lifeboat ethics / ecologist Garret Hardin: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lifeboat_ethics

Wikipedia: Norman Borlaug : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norman_Borlaug

Acknowledgement: I appreciate William Ickes calling my attention to suicidal empathy, lifeboat ethics, and the issues around it, including current political debates. Bill is a deep thinker in all matters relating to empathy, social science, and contemporary community struggles. I am grateful for his feedback and friendship. The views expressed here are my own, albeit inspired by Professor Ickes.

Image credit: A photo of a lifeboat from the RMS Titanic: Wikimedia commons. 

Note: The content of this blog post is slightly different than the spoken word podcast due to the differences between writing and speaking.

(c) Lou Agosta and the Chicago Empathy Project


Radical empathy is now a podcast!

Listen to the podcasts on Spotify: 

Radical empathy is empathy defined as the practice of empathy that remains committed to empathizing in the face of empathic distress. Once again, it must be emphasized—and empathized—that one does not necessarily know one’s limits in dealing with trauma until they are tested in experience. Here are the three key distinctions between standard and radical empathy. 1. Radical empathy processes empathic distress whereas standard empathy is stopped by it. 2. Empathic distress is reliably occasioned and caused by physical trauma, moral trauma, soul murder, double binds, Trolley-car-like dilemmas (to be defined further)), and diverse tragic circumstances that are hard, if not impossible, to capture in standard uses of words and language. 3. Radical empathy is required when one or both of the would-be empathic partners is both a survivor and a perpetrator (which itself points to empathic distress). Given these three invariables, both standard and radical empathy share empathic receptivity, empathic understanding, empathic interpretation, and empathic responsiveness. I repeat: standard and radical empathy share receptivity, understanding, interpretation, and responsiveness. The differentiator is what happens with empathic distress. When one or more of these aspects of standard empathy breaks down or misfires, the repair or overcoming of the breakdown reliably presents the possibility of transforming standard into radical empathy. Radical empathy is not for the faint of heart, and instead of an image of puppies, the above painting, by Caravaggio, is a portrait of Medusa, whose hair was transformed into snakes, turning to stone (paralyzing) all those who met her and looked at her in person. If you are confronting trauma, be sure to bring your radical empathy.

Read / Listen to (subscribe to) this blog and A Rumor of Empathy on Spotify for further updates on radical empathy. 

Short summary of episode one: This episode on Radical Empathy – what it is and why it is important – is the first in a series inquiring into radical empathy, what it is or whether it is just a rumor; how radical empathy differs from standard empathy; how radical empathy and everyday, standard empathy overlap and the dynamics of their interactions; how radical empathy makes a difference in situations when standard empathy breaks down and fails; and how the listener can expand his or her empathic skills, getting power over empathy and apply empathy in one’s lie, relationships, career, family, in the individual and in community.

The occasion for this podcast series on radical empathy is the publication of my new book Radical Empathy in the Context of Literature (April 2025 from Palgrave Macmillan). The suggestion is to have your local community or university or institute library order a copy. They have budget for these things and one can save a couple of dollars. This work on Radical Empathy contains many examples of empathy, both standard and radical, that are eye opening and engaging in their lessons for empathy and life.

Order books on empathy by Lou Agosta on empathy by searching for “Lou Agosta” and “empathy lessons” on your favorite online book source or click on this shortened URL: https://shorturl.at/gsGal

Image art credits: QWERTY, oil paint on board by Alex Zonis (AlexZonisart.com); The Shadow of Empathy (Doll Heads) by Alex Zonis (AlexZonisart.com; Head of Medusa by Caravaggio (Gallery of the Uffizi (Florence, Italy)) from Wikimedia Commons.

Empathy alone is not going to fix this thing, and it might help you get into action: empathic defects, unelected puppet masters, and the uncontrolled burn

That little voice inside that is quietly telling you “You do not make a difference” is not your friend. High probability that voice is a hostile introject based on whatever it is that you had to survive – unreliable empathy, bullying teachers, problematic parenting, or out-and-out boundary violations and trauma. It must be the first target of transformation – that is, a conversation for possibility with a trusted other, including, but not limited to, a therapist. However, it (the voice) could also just be a bad habit. Don’t believe everything you think!

The recommendations in a world of tips and techniques for dealing with dis-regulated emotions and feelings of anxiety after looking at the news, include:

  • Give up: “My actions do not make a difference.” This a copout and got us into this mess in the first place. Here is the ultimate criteria: what would it take, if the political situation really deteriorates and the USA becomes a third world dictatorship (unlikely but possible) for you to be able to say that you at least had done something against the flood tide of troubles? What would it take? 
  • Dial down the guilt, and yet: You had not even written your Congressman or donated ten dollars to your preferred political party or representative. You had not even voted (?), and if you’d don’t vote, then you don’t get to complain about the result. Of course, that does not stop the complaining! Make a resolution to do better – and follow through. Put a reminder in your scheduler!
  • Step back from the news temporarily – that is why the off button was invented – check the headlines at most twice a day and not after (say) 8 pm if one goes to bed at 10 pm – if the world ends we are gonna hear about it – the news one needs finds you.
  • Take some action – attend a town hall, express your concern in a civil way over coffee about community (including political) developments to your friends and frenemies of varying views – write congress – write every senator (as I did) using the web form (https://www.senate.gov/senators/senators-contact.htm) – or at least call or write the Senators and Representatives from your home state – donate to a worthy cause of interest – whether on the left or right. Whether your action makes a difference or not, one result is you will feel better [high probability].
  • Put your stress and struggle into your day job – hopefully you still have one! Put your suffering into your work – expand your productivity. 
  • Other stress reduction activities – spa treatments (cost money) such as massage, time in a sensory deprivation tank, swimming, yoga, tai chi, martial arts. Notice that what many of these things have in common is that they are activities that get one out of one’s head, have a calming effect on the body, and  leave person feeling good, enhancing mood and spirit. Note that empathy is also on the short list of stress reducers, including getting a good listening form a committed listener who is able to provide a gracious and attentive ear.
  • You may say that the previous two bullets do not make a difference to the community’s predicament. However, they do. One cannot be effective if one is too anxious to take action. Whether or not your action is a silver bullet and produces a breakthrough in the community, as noted above, one result of your action is that you will feel better and that you have done something to make a difference (high probability). 
  • With practice, one gets good at rhetorical empathy: speaking truth to power. The best short example of this I can find is Malcom-X’s statement to the mostly African American audience around Thanksgiving: “You did not land on Plymouth Rock; Plymouth Rock landed on you!” Malcolm’s zinger got a lot a Amens and knowing laughter, for it concisely expressed and gave back to the listeners the experience of struggle and accomplishment of the community. 
  • A longer example of rhetorical empathy (Blankenship 2019) is Bob Dylan’s early comments on climate change: “Come gather ‘round people / Wherever you roam / And admit that the waters / Around you have grown / And accept it that soon / You’ll be drenched to the bone / If your time to you is worth savin’ / Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone / For the times they are a-changin’”(1965: 81)

Defective empathy: A certain multi-billionaire advisor to the White House (hereafter known as “M”:) says empathy is a defect of western civilization. Key term: defect. Presumably we should cancel it to avoid becoming uncivilized? (For the sound byte see: https://youtube.com/shorts/LWvOvgjNEds?si=GByQLE0yoFDyWtTr ). Of course, lack of empathy is a short definition of “uncivilized,” and more on that shortly. This is a sound byte; however, M has expounded at greater length as reported in the following CNN article:

https://www.cnn.com/2025/03/05/politics/elon-musk-rogan-interview-empathy-doge/index.html

What M did not point out is that empathy does not work with bullies or abusers, who will take whatever vulnerability you may exhibit and use it against you. This is also the case with anti-social personality disorder – individuals with a defective conscience who struggle to tell right from wrong, though without interviewing M, one has no way of knowing M’s or any individual’s mental status. One possibility is that the individual is projecting his own defective, unreliable empathy onto the community as an empathic defect. If ever there was a disqualifying statement by a would-be administration, M’s soundbite is it.

Presumably a statement that “empathy is a defect” would be a justification of the unempathic “slash and burn” bullying methods of the unelected puppet masters at Doge [pronounce: “dog”], showing up at the IRS and Social Security offices and so on and demanding to see confidential citizen data and/or seemingly randomly sending employees home (“firing” them).

In addition, one must not overlook the power of top down, cognitive empathy in thinking like one’s opponent in order to overcome him. “Top down,” cognitive empathy is detailed in Mikah Zeno’s Red Team! (Basic Books 2015) according to which taking a walk in the other’s shoes (the folk definition of empathy) provides advantages in relationships, business, politics, and building communities that are thrive on inclusiveness. Notwithstanding M’s assertions of support for humanity, empathy is usually interpersonal, one-on-one, and, according to the report on CNN and Joe Rogan interview, we are unlikely to get any empathy from this guy. If one were looking for a short disqualifying reason to sideline unelected puppet masters such as M and fellow traveller Stephen Miller (see more on him below), this is it. I leave it to the reader to figure out who is the puppet. 

To say that empathy is defective is like saying that carpentry is defective because Roman soldiers used hammers and nails to execute criminals and political prisoners by crucifying them. Like every human knowledge and capacity, empathy can breakdown, go astray, and go off the rails as projection, emotional contagion, conformity. communications getting lost in translation. You wouldn’t be any good at mental arithmetic if you didn’t practice it. Though vastly different than arithmetic, empathy requires practice and improvements based on learning from one’s mistakes. 

Unelected puppet masters: As regards Stephen Miller, a common name, the reference is to the Deputy White House Chief of Staff. According to the Southern Poverty Law Project, which tracks hate groups: “Stephen Miller is credited with shaping the racist and draconian immigration policies of President Trump, which include the zero-tolerance policy, also known as family separation, the Muslim ban and ending the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) program. Miller has also “purged” government agencies of civil servants who are not entirely loyal to his extremist agenda, according to a report in Vanity Fair” [. . . .] In response to seeing photos of children being separated from their parents at the U.S. border with Mexico as a result of the zero-tolerance policy, an external White House adviser, in a Vanity Fair report, said, “Stephen actually enjoys seeing those pictures at the border” (see: https://www.splcenter.org/resources/extremist-files/stephen-miller/). On further background, in case you haven’t heard of the Southern Poverty Law Project, these are the guys (attorneys) who were wearing bullet proof vests while going to the trial(s) that bankrupted the KKK (granted hatred is a many-headed monster and some version was reborn).

The uncontrolled burn: What are you talking about? This is a description an approach to cost cutting. As in forestry, the forest rangers sometimes undertake a “controlled burn” to clear away the underbrush that accumulates and might result in a truly catastrophic forest fire – for example, an uncontrolled forest fire that burns down a whole town or suburb. It has rarely happened that a controlled burn got out of hand and resulted in a major forest fire. This is a description of the so-called Department of Government Efficiency’s (Doge’s) approach to cost cutting. Uncontrolled burn. My take – who else’s would it be? – is that the cost cutting “wizards” are undertaking an uncontrolled burn. Think: slash and burn. 

It will be purely accidental if major damage does not occur before a combination of judicial, legislative, and law enforcement actions puts the brakes on this run away trolley car (which seems to have lost its brakes). In other words, what we are seeing in the daily drumbeat of extralegal, illegal, and provocative executive orders is an uncontrolled burn. Unfortunately, unless the citizens step up and communicate with their legislators at a volume and degrees we have not yet seen, we will know the burn is uncontrolled when social security checks to get deposited/mailed; a major terrorist attack (God forbid!) on the scale of Sept 11 occurs because law enforcement is chasing undocumented workers with families who have lived here for decades; another pandemic due to gutting the CDC and FDA. Another negative scenario (please do not shoot the messenger) is that worldwide tariffs contribute significantly to triggering another Great Depression as occurred with the Smoot-Hawley tariffs of 1930. I am cynical enough to think that is what some misguided individuals in the current administration in Washington, DC, are trying to accomplish for their own misguided reasons. [The trade fight worsens: https://www.wsj.com/economy/trade/trade-war-explodes-across-world-at-pace-not-seen-in-decades-0b6d6513?mod=hp_lead_pos3 ]

Regarding Social Security Administration (SSA), it is widely know (but perhaps not widely enough) that social security is a self-funded retirement plan operated by the US Government. People pay money into the trust fund in the form of social security taxes on their earnings; and the same people are entitled to get money out at retirement age. So no one is giving anyone charity or welfare here. It is a further challenge that the fund has become something of a political football through creative accounting, which has used it to subsidize the overall budget. Though I hope a breakdown of the SSA does not occur, if it does, and payments are missed, the howls across this nation will be loud enough to hear in the deepest bunker in government. We seem to be heading in that direction: https://tinyurl.com/2v85hwdr [SSA under stress – a lot of stress]

The challenge with social networking (e.g., Facebook (FB)) is that an inaccurate statement gets multiplied a hundred times, a thousand times, a hundred thousand times and a million times. Back in the days (1776-ish) of Sam Adams Committees of Correspondence, it took five days for a letter to to get from New York to Philadelphia. One had time to think about the consequences of one’s proposed actions.If one said “The British are combining!” and they were not coming, then one had time to correct one’s errors and minimize the damage. 

With social networking, there is something about the anonymity, fake neutrality, and misleading disinterestedness that stand in strong contrast to previous media channels. Radio and television as used by FDR (President Franklin D Roosevelt) and Hitler (master-minded the killing of millions of people; the good guy and the bad guy!), but, when a falsehood was stated, one could eventually figure out who uttered it. With the proliferating fake identities of social media, the entire context becomes fake. As Mark Zuckerberg is reported to have said of FB: “We are no longer fact checking.” I take that to mean: A new sign over the Facebook portal: “Abandon facts all ye who enter here”? Like the inscription over the entrance to Dante’s version of hell.

Critical thinking going forward: Let us conclude with a positive proposal: Teach critical thinking. This is the empathic educational moment. Absent a rigorous and critical practice of empathy, I am cautious about engaging current political clichés in a highly polarized political world and “rhetoric” in the negative sense. 

Critical thinking includes putting oneself in the place of one’s opponent—not necessarily to agree with the other individual—but to consider what advantages and disadvantages are included in the opponent’s position. Taking a walk in the Other’s shoes after having taken off one’s own (to avoid the risk of projection) shows one where the shoe pinches. This “pinching” —to stay with the metaphor—is not mere knowledge but a basic inquiry into what the Other considers possible based on how the Other’s world is disclosed experientially. Critical thinking is a possibility pump designed to get people to start again listening to one another, allowing the empathic receptivity (listening) to come forth. 

In our day and age of fake news, deep fake identity theft, not to mention common political propaganda, one arguably needs a course in critical thinking (e.g., Mill 1859; Haber 2020) to distinguish fact and fiction. Nevertheless, I boldly assert that most people, not suffering from delusional disorder or political pathologies of being The True Believer (Hoffer 1953)), are generally able to make this distinction. 

A rigorous and critical empathy creates a safe zone of acceptance and tolerance within which people can inquire into what is possible—debate and listen to a wide spectrum of ideas, positions, feelings, and expressions out of which new possibilities can come forth. For example, empathy and critical thinking support maintaining firm boundaries and limits against actors who would misuse social media to amplify and distort communications. Much of what Jürgen Habermas (1984) says about the communicative distortions in mass media, television, and film applies with a multiplicative effect to the problematic, if not toxic, politics occurring on the Internet and social networking. 

The extension to issues of politics, climate change, and community struggles follows immediately. Insofar as individuals skeptical of empathy are trying to force a decision between critical thinking and empathy, the choice must be declined. Both empathy and critical thinking are needed; hence, a rigorous and critical empathy is included in the definition of enlarged, critical thinking (and vice versa). (Note that “critical thinking” can mean a lot of things. Here key references include John Stuart Mill 1859; Haber 2020; “enlarged thinking” in Kant 1791/93 (AA 159); Arendt 1968: 9; Habermas 1984; Agosta 2024.) 

In conclusion, a positive alternative to abandoning facts and skipping critical thinking is suggested by Bob Dylan’s song about empathy. One has to push off the shore of certainty and venture forth into the unknown. We give Dylan the last word (1965: 185) : “I wish that for just one time / You could stand inside my shoes / And just for that one moment / I could be you” [.] 

References

Lou Agosta. (2024). Empathy Lessons. 2nd Edition. Chicago: Two Pears Press. 

Hannah Arendt. (1952/1958). The Origins of Totalitarianism, 2nd Edition. Cleveland and New York: Meridian (World) Publishing, 1958. 

________________. (1968). Men in Dark Times. New York: Harvest Book (Harcourt Brace). 

Lisa Blankenship. (2019). Changing the Subject: A Theory of Rhetorical Empathy. Logan UT: 

Bob Dylan. (1965). Bob Dylan: The Lyrics: 1961–2012. New York: Simon and Schuster. 

Jonathan Haber. (2020). Critical Thinking. Cambridge, MA: The MIT Press. 

Jürgen Habermas. (1984). The Theory of Communicative Action, Vol 1, Thomas McCarthy (tr.). Boston: Beacon Press. 

Eric Hoffer. (1953). The True Believe: Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements. New York: Harper Perennial. 

Immanuel Kant. (1791/93). Critique of the Power of Judgment, Paul Guyer and Eric Matthews (trs.). Cambridge: Cambridge UP, 2013. edition. 

(c) Lou Agosta and the Chicago Empathy Project

Image Credit: Wikimedia: Peter Trimming: ‘The Scream’ – geograph.org.uk – 3200603.jpg / Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0